At first I did feel that way and then I put a stop to it. I said you can have 1 of us. Which is it going to be? I will NOT be the 'other woman' in a relationship where you're doing a damn good job of making me feel like the 3rd wheel while she borrows your vehicle, you watch her OTHER kid, or you take her and the kids to the mall for lunch.

He stopped that bullshit so fast. End. Over. Done.

She didn't handle it well at first, but she's adjusting.

If I ever felt like that again (It's an awful feeling.) I'll be done with this. I love that man so damn much and way too much to share him with Crazy McPsycho just because he's scared of her. I am MUCH more scary than her, after all, I do have a brain.

I am sorry you are going through this.
My husband was only dating his ex for 2 months when she lied to him to get pregnant so I have never had to deal with this. He didn't like her for 90% of their "relationship" (aka him sticking around because he thought it was the right thing to do) and he doesn't like her now, lol. They have only spoken 1 time in almost a year. I really hope things get better for you and that you and your husband are able to talk about this so that he can understand how you feel. Best of luck to you

I do this a lot with my ex as well. Early on in our marriage, and all through our divorce, we agreed that our kids, and their needs come first. What I do, is shoot him a text or email, and try to encompass all of the "needs" into one lump sum for him. I don't see it as being "married" to me, but we will always be attached because of our kids. We do everything for them. I rely on him (ex) and he relies on me for the sake of our kids. I should note, we are not buddy buddy, and we are not on the phone for hours on end. We just work together for the sake of the kids. Things are forgotten, and plans need to be made, and coordinated. Sounds like they get along, which is a great great thing! Possibly ask him to have a conversation with her about limiting the "urgent" calls, or at their exchange, go over every detail at that point. If something is forgotten, have her shoot a text or email instead. Kill him with kindess and say the "we need our alone time" }:)Hubba hubba...

but there are "urgent" calls he has to take from her regarding 4th of July plans, shoes he has to drop off at her house that one of the kids forgot, etc., etc.

^^^^ THESE are NOT urgent calls that he HAS to take. He WANTS to take these calls and that should be a BIG problem for you.

4th of July is 10 days away why couldn't he have dealt with that today or tomorrow.

Shoes - nope not urgent.

You need to address this with your DH. I went through the same thing until I let DH know that I had enough of the chit chat every single day.

Why aren't these calls from BM going directly to voicemail and him dealing with them later?

Sounds like to me your DH is used to taking care of BM's needs/demands FIRST. So if YOU don't address him taking every call from her and stopping everything to talk to her (even on off kid days) than he will always be "married" to her.

My BF is LITERALLY still married to BM2. They split 3 years ago.

I feel like DH is married to both SD20 and me. I arrived home after being gone nearly a week. DH says hi then goes straight to texting SD20. Are you kidding me?! I was pissy with him for the rest of the day and he had no clue why. Can't stay out of touch with your precious "other" wife for 5 minutes to greet me/spend a few minutes with me?

My DH was like this when we met. His ex ran the show telling him when and where he could see his kids, keeping him away from sporting events unless she wanted him there, not telling him about Dr's visits, therapy, or even what school his kids were attending. She even went to the extreme of telling the kids' schools that her ex wasn't allowed to access her kids because he used to beat them. This didn't happen of course and she had no paperwork to prove that it did but everyone seemed to believe her. When DH and I got together I put a stop to it. He was still calling her on her birthday every year! I simply told him that he was disrespecting me and I wasn't going to be in a relationship where I wasn't respected. I told him that if his kids weren't hurt or dying he didn't need to speak with her. He agreed. She hasn't moved on with her life yet, constantly checking to see what we are doing. But we've taken her to court and she knows we aren't playing her game anymore.