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Update - Driving into a Fight

BettyRay's picture

Submitted by BettyRay on Fri, 12/27/2013 - 8:47am

Thanks for all your responses.

DH had calmed down by the time I got home last night. He actually admitted the boys need to help out and wants to sit down with them this weekend and discuss it. DH also said he's going to make the boys helping around the house his New Year's resolution. He talked about doing the chore jar again. Honestly - I don't think anything will change.

The only thing I can do is change my behavior. I told him after the first of the year I'm done cleaning up after them. I'm also done doing extra stuff for them too (like taking their boy scout wreath/popcorn/coffee fundraising stuff to work). I'm sick of catering to a couple of takers.

~BettyRay

Comments

Willow2010's picture

Submitted by Willow2010 on Fri, 12/27/2013 - 9:02am

The only thing I can do is change my behavior. I told him after the first of the year I'm done cleaning up after them. I'm also done doing extra stuff for them too (like taking their boy scout wreath/popcorn/coffee fundraising stuff to work).
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
THIS THIS THIS. But don't wait.

You can disengage and still be nice. Just let DH know when something needs to be cleaned because of his kids.

thinkthrice's picture

Submitted by thinkthrice on Fri, 12/27/2013 - 9:40am

Nothing will change to be sure. All of those "talks/chats/discussions" with the skids go nowhere. The skids can pick up the vibes from biodad:

"Now Poofykins, you know that I don't have a problem with you leaving the kitchen unfit for human habitation but STEPMOM does, so please try and be careful around her--you know how EASILY she flies off the handle"

Best to disengage and look the other way. Look at yourself as Ms. Neutral--no nicey nicey nor any discipline.

oneoffour's picture

Submitted by oneoffour on Fri, 12/27/2013 - 12:50pm

I spent 2 years freaking out and then 5 years changing my behaviour. No, these SSons of mine were brought up differently. Their mother nags and then does the chores anyway. So if they just ignore me long enough I will do it anyway... NOT!

So I 'developed' Mary Poppins Syndrome. I was firm but fair.

BettyRay's picture

Submitted by BettyRay on Fri, 12/27/2013 - 3:20pm

Thanks oneoffour.

Over the last 3 years I've changed a lot. I used freak out all the time and nitpick too. Now I try to be fair, not to nitpick or nag. I do the laundry and cleaning, DH does the cooking. Occasionally I still freak out though, I just want my house to look nice, even if it's only for a couple of days. I took Monday off and cleaned the whole house for Christmas; going from room to room picking up Christmas Day night, well it just rubbed me the wrong way.

I try to remind myself that these are not my children and they are being raised differently than I would raise them. BUT once in awhile I slip.

~BettyRay