SS20 - Update
SS20 is avoiding us. In the morning SS20 waits to get up till DH leaves for work and I'm in the bathroom. Then SS20 stays in the shower till I leave for work. SS20's also staying away from the house till after we go to bed. It's comical.
DH has stopped:
- making SS20's lunch.
- buying SS20's favorite foods for his lunches.
- texting SS20 to find out if he will be home for dinner.
- making up a plate for SS20 to heat up hen he gets home.
- texting SS20 asking him when he will be coming home.
I can see that DH is letting go and getting ready to blow up at SS20.
SS20 has not done any of the chores DH gave to him.
I have not said a word to DH regarding SS20. I'm staying out of it.
~BettyRay
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SS20 is worse to BM. SS20
SS20 is worse to BM. SS20 does not help out around her house either. He refuses to clean his bedroom at her house. SS15 says it smells awful. He doesn't tell BM or SF what his schedule is or when he's getting home. SF is ready to kick SS20 out. We have the same issues with SS20 but for BM and SF the issues are magnified by 10,000%.
BM texted DH complaining about the issues she's having with SS20. DH suggested all four of us (Parents and Stepparents) meet and come up with a list of chores/rules and consequences that apply at both houses. Then meet with SS20, together and present it to him. DH suggested a united front, progressive consequences and that if SS20 doesn't shape up he would be kicked out of both houses.
BM did not respond to DH's request. Typical M.O. she always lets things go.
BTW - Both BM and DH have leverage, SS20 has it better than most. BM pays for SS20's cell phone and car insurance. And besides letting him live with us rent free and providing food, DH and I have a small college fund for SS20.
~BettyRay
Jesus, when I moved back in
Jesus, when I moved back in with my parents after I got divorced, they NEVER did any of that. Actually, that's not entirely true. They would ask if I wanted dinner if I wasn't home, but I almost always responded with "no, I'll feed myself". I'd be mortified if I were an adult and my mother was making me lunch everyday for work. It was mortifying enough just to have moved back in with them.
Good on you for staying out of it. Hopefully this all comes to a head and your DH lays down the law.
IKWUM - I lived at home when
IKWUM - I lived at home when I went to college and I made sure my parents knew my schedule. They knew the nights i would not be home for dinner. And if I stayed late at school or work I let them know so they wouldn't worry.
I also help out around the house, cleaning, laundry, yard work etc.
~BettyRay
BEtty - yes stay out of it
BEtty - yes stay out of it but keep an eagles eye on the situation and keep DH on this track
It's a fine line. Every time
It's a fine line. Every time I want to nag about SS20 to DH I literally bite my tongue.
I cleaned last night. Came home with a list and got going right away. In the past I'd explode because SS20 didn't do his chores.
Yesterday I just plugged away at it in silence. DH noticed the list and helped me out. SS20 was doing "homework" a.k.a hiding out in his bedroom. DH noticed that too.
~BettyRay
Amazing... nice that your DH
Amazing... nice that your DH is finally seeing SS's real personality enough that he's stepped back too.
DH told me yesterday that he
DH told me yesterday that he loves SS20 but he doesn't like him. I think DH has finally taken his guilty-daddy blinders off.
~BettyRay