Backing Out At The 11th Hour
So tomorrow DH is having a medical procedure done and won't be able to drive after. I have a huge meeting tomorrow, which I had on the calendar for months. DH made the appointment without checking the calendar. DH asked SS20 if he would pick him up from the hospital 2 months ago when the appointment was made. SS20 agreed. DH has been reminding SS20 every week since he agreed.
Last night SS20 tells DH he can't pick him up from the hospital because he has the meet with his professor. :jawdrop: SS20 also tells DH that he may fail this class and that's why the meeting is so important and BTW this class is only offered once a year. So if he fails it would delay his graduation by a year.
This is the exact kind of crap SS20 pulled with me when DH was laid up earlier this year. You can't depend on the man-child at all. DH ended the conversation with SS20 by sayng, "this is the reason that BettyRay has no respect for you. You are selfish and don't keep your commitments."
Don't know how I feel about DH bringing me into it but what's said can't be taken back.
I talked to my boss first thing this morning is willing to let me leave early tomorrow afternoon, and he will finish the meeting for me if necessary, I just hope the meeting is over by then.
~BettyRay
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Comments
"this is the reason that
"this is the reason that BettyRay has no respect for you. You are selfish and don't keep your commitments."
What a complete and utter crap way to deflect telling his child he is upset with him. Instead he hides behind you to tell his child what he really thinks.
Its pretty obvious SS learned his manchild behaviors from dear ol dad.
Yes DH does deflect - it used
Yes DH does deflect - it used to be way worse before DH got treatment for his depression.
~BettyRay
My DSO used to tell the skids
My DSO used to tell the skids when they were little, 'If you don't stop being destructive, Bearcub will kick us out of her house.' That is so much easier than actually making the skids stop destroying my things.
All that did was fuel BM to tell the skids that if I kicked DSO out, he could move in with her. Of course the skids acting worse bc they wanted DSO to go back to BM.
(No subject)
:jawdrop:
DH ended the conversation
DH ended the conversation with SS20 by sayng, "this is the reason that BettyRay has no respect for you. You are selfish and don't keep your commitments."
So, he lets SS know that he is selfish and doesn't keep his commitments, but makes it sound like you are the only one who has a problem with it. He should have worded it differently, he should have let his son know that HE is disappointed in him.
This is exactly what I told
This is exactly what I told DH. He needs to let his son know that he is disappointed in him.
~BettyRay
Why are you cleaning up
Why are you cleaning up man-childs mess? I'd leave DH to figure it out.
I have stayed out of it, and
I have stayed out of it, and this is what happened. When DH asked SS20 to do this I told him it was a bad idea and that he needed to find someone else. Everyone else he has asked is busy - at this late date. DH is more than willing to sit at the hospital and wait for me to finish the meeting. I feel like I need to be there for him.
~BettyRay
Let him sit and wait, he was
Let him sit and wait, he was going to be without you during the original plan, too. It won't kill him. It's better he waits for you rather than have irresponsible SS drive anyhow.
I agree. DH can wait. He knew
I agree. DH can wait. He knew his son was irresponsible & that's who DH choose to make arrangements with. This is DH's problem. Stop trying to fix things for someone who is throwing you under the bus. Let DH sit it out.
He definitely needs to leave
He definitely needs to leave you out of it. HE created it, he alone-- needs to fix it. He is doing more damage to you than you realize, by using you to support what he needs to say to do with his son.
I doubt he really has a
I doubt he really has a meeting with his professor, or that there was no other possible time for that meeting.
Everyone above is right- your dh can't just say that he's disappointed, he makes that your thing because he knows ss won't take responsibility and will be mad about getting told off, so it's your fault.
None of this should be affecting your meeting. Your DH could wait until you can get there. The hospital/medical center or wherever he's going won't throw him out into the street.
Odds are that he won't be
Odds are that he won't be ready to leave the hospital when originally planned. Unless you are the first procedure of the day you do not, most often, have your procedure on time.
Stay at the meeting. Let DH bear the consequences of his action. If he sits there a while he may remember what happened. If you leave work to pick him up his son's unreliability will fade from his memory by the time you get home.
I am going to go against the
I am going to go against the grain here and say that I think it is your job as spouse to support your husband after surgery. If you can get out of the meeting now then you could have gotten out of it or rearranged it weeks ago. You should have done that for your husband originally so that he didn’t have to shop around for someone else to do it. Ss has been a pain to back out now but taking his excuse at face value it is no worse than yours.
To all honesty I can’t
To all honesty I can’t imagine telling my DH that I can’t get him from surgery because of work meeting. Both DH and I make sure we request day/time off to drive each other to and from Surgeries, and we both have very demanding jobs/schedules. You have a meeting at work and SS has a meeting at school so you both made your job and school a priority over DH’s health. Not good.
Once again, her meeting was
Once again, her meeting was on the calendar before SO made his hospital date. And when he found out the meeting was on that date he could of change his hospital date. He didn’t change because he asked SS to take him home. Let him wait, maybe next time he will see who there for him. I respect other people calendar dates.
Thanks Harry. I always check
Thanks Harry. I always check the calendar before scheduling. As soon as he told I asked DH to change the date of the appointment, he refused.
~BettyRay
You are a good woman and wife
You are a good woman and wife Betty - I would've told DH - well get Uber home, seeing you brought me into this and threw me under the buss I will not help you, you knew I had an important meeting today and you choose to ignore it...
BUT if you call SS and say to him, son I lied, BettyRay has nothing to do with this I was just upset cause I do everything for you, you committed to help me out and now you refuse thus I'm loosing my respect for you and well you are an adult, I will not tolerate you sponging off me anymore, find a job please...
then I will help him
BettyRay, I'd try to
BettyRay, I'd try to rearrange my work schedule for my DH too despite his own idiocy and lack of planning. I'm not perfect, my DH isn't perfect, we accommodate as best we can.
I do agree that he should not use you as a shield to express disappointment in his son. SS doesn't care that you don't respect him, but he just might care that his father is disappointed in him.
Oooooh, I’d be PISSED.
Oooooh, I’d be PISSED.
BettyRay, you are showing DH that you will jump after he throws you under the bus.
I agree with the others - let the man wait. You need to show him that you, too, have other prior commitments. It’s not the end of the world.
Try working on NOT enabling DH to paint you as the “bad guy”, because that’s what you are doing here.
Meeting just finished up I'll
Meeting just finished up I'll make it to the hospital before he's out of recovery.
On a side note - I have been/and am there for my husband. He almost lost his leg in a skiing accident in March. DH was out of work for 3 months. I took vacation time and FMLA and was home with him to aid in his recovery. I just started an new job April 2016, I feel that my boss has been more than generous and understanding through all of this.
~BettyRay
DH didn't take me to get my
DH didn't take me to get my gallbladder out. I had my mom take me because she had a bunch of vacation days to burn. I didn't think he needed to miss work over it.
I love most things about DH but he is a TERRIBLE nurse. I told him I was staying at my mom's house next time I had to have something done!