BM wants us to pay extra curricular
I'm not trying to be a jerk. But BM just got awarded $250 more in CS a month and I'm just not as generous as I used to be.
The court order is completely silent on the issue of extra-curricular activities. However, BM in her demanding way is telling DH it's his responsibility to help her out with these costs.
What are our legal obligations and how do you all handle such matters?
He is ordered to pay 58.6% in medical and child care
Thanks in advance for your help.
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tough shit. I wouldnt allow
tough shit. I wouldnt allow it. what is CS for. Thats right to SUPPORT THE CHILD!!!
As far as I know, if there's
As far as I know, if there's nothing in the CO about extra-curriculars, your DH doesn't have to pay jack. Unless otherwise stated, like with child care/medical, CS is supposed to cover all expenses.
DH never paid half of
DH never paid half of extracurriculars unless he had already agreed to do so. None of this, "you HAVE to" crap.
He owes her nothing, that's a
He owes her nothing, that's a VERY high amount for him to contribute already!
My CS for two children is $500, and believe me that was over 8 years ago and I'm sure they would be 'entilted' to more. I carry insurance also-he's never paid half of medical bills. In the CO it dictates half of one/two extra curriculars/summer camp per year-in years past he hasn't done that-recently he has.
I mentioned to him I was getting tutoring for the oldest child who is struggling starting middle school-it is costing me $400 for one month of tutoring and w/diagnostic test-he VOLUNTEERED to pay me $200 extra this month. I didn't ask and I am VERY grateful!!
We don't pay a penny of
We don't pay a penny of extracurriculars unless it's straight to the school. Even so, BM has taken SD16 out of whatever it was, and convinced the school to refund the deposit to her. So essentially, she stole DH's money. We decided that $100 wasn't worth fighting in court about, but DH called her out and embarrassed her about what she spent it on.
We live 1000 miles away, so we're not allowed to actually BE parents - we can talk, and we can open our wallets, but even though DH has joint legal custody, practically he has zero say in what SD16 does or what kind of medical care (that he pays 100% of) she gets.
BM has asked for more money (Driver's ed, senior pictures, car, school ring, letterman ceremony, car insurance cost) but DH has said no. BM knows what she needs to do to get more money out of DH. Go ahead and take us to court, BM. We'll file for custody, and there's enough out there that she's nervous to let SD16 on the stand. SD16 is old enough to understand, "We will not hand your mother cash for you - remember the umpty billion times she has promised things and then said no even though we paid?" We figure it will give SD16 a reason to earn her own damn money.
He doesn't owe it to her.
He doesn't owe it to her. That is what CS is for. It pisses me off that these BMs refuse to pay for things, then the child suffers. Our BM doesn't buy ANYTHING for my 2 steps, and it is total BS. Like, she won't even buy them new clothing when they need it. Instead she lets them wear rags that are too small/stained/torn, etc. So we end up buying them everything on top of the CS. Bull.
Thanks everybody, as always
Thanks everybody, as always your advice is stellar!
We will probably pay for part of it because DH did agree to this activity and we are still in the finalization stages of the court order. No reason to alert her to this aspect of the CO before it's been put to rest.
Again her complete jerk attitude and unwillingness to work with us and misread the CO makes me rage. As well as her using DH as an ATM machine and lying about child care costs and deciding to work less than 10 hrs a week.
We will gain all information on the expense involved before we agree to any extra curricular activity in the future.
thanks again!
Crystal
Crystal }:)
Anything not specifically
Anything not specifically called in the CO is the responsibility of the CP. Your DH has to pay his court ordered CS and the 58.6% of uncovered med expenses and child care. THAT IS IT!!!!
CS covers the NCPs contributions to housing, food, clothing, educations, transportation, extracurriculars and all other support areas not specifically called out in the CO.
You are not being mean by refusing to pay for extracurriculars. You are following the CO.
BM is scamming for more money and you nor DH are required to participate in her begging or to aleviate the consequences of her failure to manage her household finances.
I firmly believe that NCPs should keep the kids informed on how much CS is paid monthly and the cumulative CS paid to date figure. Telling a kid "I have paid your CP $xx,xxx.00" for your extracuriculars". The CP should be responsible for managing CS funds appropriately and it is not the NCPs job to cover the CP's ass.
How would reality shift if kids were kept up to speed in an age appropriate manner on how much or how little the NCP has contributed to the CP for the raising and care of the kids? If the NCP is paying on time the kids should know. If the NCP is not paying the kids should know. If the CP is managing the CS income well the kids should know. If the CP is not managing the CS income well the kids should know.
I am married to the CP in our blended family and even I recognize that generally NCPs get screwed and are incessently tagged as the bad guy.
All IMHO of course.
thanks Rags. i sent this
thanks Rags. i sent this reply to dh. i think he appreciates having a man's perspective.
btw...in your signature you say "if you can't lis" what is "lis"? I've always wondered.
His signature got cut off for
His signature got cut off for being too long I think.
You can also tell your DH that not only is it a man's perspective, it is a CUSTODIAL parent's perspective as well!
Sorry about the signature. It
Sorry about the signature. It is too long.
Here is the full quote.
"If you can't listen and learn you will have to feel." - My grandmother.
This was her answer and mantra any time she needed to discipline us or if one of us got hurt when visiting my GPs farm. We were always told what we could and could not do or where we could and could not go. If we got hurt we heard the mantra.