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asgoodasitgets's picture

will post in comments as prior blogs go the way of the dodo

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asgoodasitgets's picture

So, this is my first blog, not for lack of trying but my first few attempts were deleted. But tonight I really need to vent.

DH is NCP but has this T-giving from Tuesday afternoon to Fri. morning, then the weekend from Sat. @ 2 to Sun @ 2. BM e-mails last week: "in order to keep the back and forth down to a minimum, how about if I keep SD til Wed. then you have her Wed. evening thru Sun?"

OK, seems like a fair exchange of time, right? Except, DH fails to leave out that BM wants him to do all the driving. And then tonight, BM CALLS him to ask for a change of plans!! First of all, due to lack of boundaries, we went to e-mail only months ago. The ONLY time BM will speak to DH in person or on the phone is when she doesn't want her crazy revealed. On top of this BM is typical MOTY GUBM - as in, knows everything & anything to do with SD. Yet, somehow, tonight, 2 days before thanksgiving break, she is just now figuring out that SD is out of school Wed?? She calls DH, says she didn't realize about the break. Please get SD in the morning, I'm heading out of town, blah, blah, blah. Of course, DH is like "OK, whatever you want. I just want to see my daughter." Why am I angry? B/C I always am the last to know. B/C BM only calls when she needs something agreed to last minute - if DH has a chance to OK it with me - HIS WIFE - it might get vetoed. B/C I am sick of paying for gas money to do HER a favor. B/C she knows every detail of SD's life except when it benefits her to forget. I help pay for SD's clothes, food, room & board, do her laundry & all the planning for B-days, holidays, etc. Yet BM's plans, needs, wants, & desires come first in DH's life. I asked why did you even take her call? After you realized this was a non-emergency, you should have just told her to e-mail you her request. DH says I'm just not that kind of person. I love the person my DH is - kind, friendly, caring - yet I hate it at the same time.

asgoodasitgets's picture

I know, I know. The disengagement refrain. I would really like to but my SD is very dependent on me. Like has major breakdowns if I have other plans for the night other than hanging out at home with her & DH. Wouldn't bother me except I think she uses me as a surrogate mother as BM is very emotionally unavailable to her. I feel for her like I would any neglected child - it makes me sad to see her cry at the thought that I might not be around to tuck her in at night.

But tonight made me especially sad because we had a close friend over for dinner & were having a great time when DH decided to tell me about this phone convo with BM. WTF?? Of course, I got blamed for ruining our evening. Couldn't have been the fact that DH decided to accept a call from her & agree to all of her ridiculous demands without ever checking with me first. Oh no. I am the evil one. The one that uses your child as a weapon. The one that spreads vicious lies about you. The one the spends every waking moment making your life a living hell. Oh wait, that's not me. So, why am I so far down on your priority list again, DH?

BadNanny's picture

Here is what you do: stay 100% out of anything that brings up BM or the skids. You can smile, kiss him and say "Sweetie, if you want my opinion, I am here for you, until then I trust you handle it" and go into the other room and keep busy until the awkward conversation is over.

farting_glitter's picture

not to take up for BM on this one buttttt, you say you are the last one to know..well that's more on your DH than it is BM....