Frustrated...
Why is it that I come up with all these cute ideas of things to do for SD11 (going to her fav place to eat even though DH and I HATE it to celebrate her 1st day of middle school was the example last night) and she runs up to DH and thanks HIM not me. He always gets the credit for the things I come up with. I'll buy her flowers randomly just "because" or a nail polish color I think she would love, or go to the store and get all of her favorite things and I get NOTHING... But DH does the slightest thing (that was probably my idea anyway) and she acts like she won the lottery. Just kind of hurts my feelings. SD is a GREAT kid and has always been very respectful and sweet to me, but I get tired of doing doign doing doing and get nothing in return...from either DH OR SD. No "thank you for cooking us dinner every night, doing all the laundry, cleaning the house, etc". I sound like such a puss who expects to be thanked for every small thing I do. I realize it's part of life...but it would still be nice....if on occasion I would get recognized for the things I do, and ESPECIALLY putting up with crazy BM and her SHIT like a champ.
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Now that I think of it he
Now that I think of it he DOES do that, BUT SD is the one giving him the credit. However when it comes to daily stuff or being a good wife...nada. I just don't think his brain works like that.
Almost sounds like here. Not
Almost sounds like here. Not long ago I had a girls day with my bio and sd. We went and watched eclipse and ran around the mall. We had alot of fun but I never got a thank you and found out the next day that she was frequently texting her bm when we were driving around. Dh actually started seeing it too and last week we made a new rule in the house, if you don't say please and thank you then you ain't getting anything and that includes at dinner. Sd was starting to get so bad that she expected us to do everything and all she had to do was just tell us that she needed something or had to be somewhere at a certain time. I finally said nomore. Told all the kids that the only place I will take them that won't require them to ask is school. Everything else is a privilege, including church. Needless to say, sd missed church twice last week because she wouldn't ask.
I dont think it's a conscious
I dont think it's a conscious gilt. I almost feel as if I'm unneeded or unwanted sometimes, but that's crazy talk.
This is pretty much our plan
This is pretty much our plan of attack too. DH makes an effort to tell me thanks for making such a nice dinner. Sets a good example and good manners are learned habits.
I know exactly how you feel.
I know exactly how you feel. I try to do things for my SD11 to make her feel special (same thing: Movies, pedicures, scrapbooking, etc.). I know that age can be tough and I wanted to let her know I appreciate her, but I too often feel underappreciated. She will say “thank you” but it’s forced. Does that make sense? If my husband takes her somewhere or does something for her she is overwhelmed with praise…same for her mom and anyone else, but me. When I voice my opinion, I hear a lot of folks say: “Well, that’s just her age…” I am sorry, but that is NOT an excuse for poor behavior. I am now getting to the point where I am disengaging a little. I am not putting myself out there more often and I am lowering my expectations. I am not going to let an 11 yr old determine my own worth. I am better than that, and frankly, if it was anyone else, I wouldn’t tolerate it. Now, mind you, I am not being mean, or ignoring her or anything…I am just not going to do as many ‘just because’ things for her. I am tired of feeling used and like an underpaid employee in my own household.
A thank you is needed. It
A thank you is needed. It shows manners, appreciation and respect. It also makes us feel good about the little things we do. Not that we need a thank you, but it's nice to hear. It shows us that someone cares.
I like the idea of if one or the other has to start it, like FH to SM or SM to FH then they finish it. We have done that and the kids do jump in. Every once and a while a reminder is needed. Your FH should totally give you the credit for it when the SD says something, but he has to say it in front of her, then it might be diff. the next time.
When she does that you should
When she does that you should turn and look at her and say kinda loud "YOUR WELCOME" and say it b4 the FDH can say anything and sit there w/a big smile and stare at her.