Going on Anti-Depressants Today, Joint Investment Account with BM and Other Fun
I took today off for a mental health day. It was a good idea. I realized that I need to go on anti-depressants and made an appointment to see a doctor this evening. I realized that I have become really depressed and anxious all of the time. I am not sleeping well. When I do, I have anxiety-laden dreams. I can't focus on work. I am not enjoying my life the way I used to. I have to do something about this.
I just emailed FDH to tell him this. I explained to him how I was feeling. I told him I can't even really enjoy our alone time anymore. I used to be able to have a ton of fun and put the Skid/BM crap aside on our free weekends. I can't anymore.
I also told him that I am disengaging from YSD and why. I told him what that will look like. I asked him to support me with both initiatives I am undertaking to make my life better.
As I was about to hit "send", I took a break and walked away from the PC for a moment. I wanted to re-read my email to him one more time. While on said break, I checked the mail. Low and behold there was a statement from a small investment account addressed to him and BM as joint tenants. This is the same damn account I blogged about months ago (probably last quarter as these are quarterly statements). I told him then I'd had it with her mail showing up at my house. He said he'd remove her from the account as she shouldn't be on it. Well, guess what buttercup? He never did shit! So the PS to my email was along the lines of "It is hugely disrespectful to me that you are more concerned about hurting her feelings than mine. I told you many times that I won't be a sister wife. I will not allow another woman to run my home. I won't allow another woman to have an emotional relationship with my man. And I certainly will not tolerate another woman having a joint effing investment account with the man I live with!!! Seriously, WTH???
I then texted him and said "I know you are in all day meetings and are very busy but I suggest you check your email as it is important." He needs to realize that major stuff is going down in this house and it's time for him to start paying attention. I've had it.
Love,
Anne
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Comments
Oh man. I'd be livid too.
Oh man. I'd be livid too.
I agree. However, they will
I agree. However, they will help me disengage and do what I need for myself. He can figure out the SD issues on his own. And hopefully, we can get back to a place where I appreciate all the good about him (and there is a lot) without being weighed down with all this negativity.
Thank you very much. I have
Thank you very much. I have had to do it before (years ago) due to stressful situation at work and being overwhelmed with being a single parent. It did help. It helped me make positive changes. I hate the side effects which is why I am reluctant. But hey, FDH can deal with the fact that my sex drive goes away.
BTDT and have the t-shirt.
BTDT and have the t-shirt. What helped me was complete disengagement. I was going to the therapist and I was on the anti-depressants when the therapist said to me, none of this is you. I can't fix your problems since it is BM, SD and DH. That was it. I was done involving them in my life. It all came to a head and SD lives with BM. Stopped all that drama. Now I spent the last two years focusing on the SK who liked me and my marriage and my BS18. Life is good now, but SD is not a factor.
You have to do what is best for you and no one else....Disengage!
Funny. I emailed my therapist
Funny. I emailed my therapist today and told her what I was doing. She's backing me 100% on the meds and the disengagement. She said he's pretty much left me no other choice related to the kid.
I was just like you, last
I was just like you, last year, I got on zoloft - i hated it, I felt so resentful, thinking, I was the one "with the problem" to the point, i had to medicate myself to deal with the b.s.
i took it for three months, and then i stopped, i started getting circles under my eyes from the medication and weight gain.
it was a bitch to get off the medication - i had to ween down from it, they put me on 100 off the bat, cuz of my high anxiety.
well, needless to say, i didn't need the medication, i wasn't depressed, i was putting up with bad behavior.
i talked to my then boyfriend (we are now engaged) i told him i did not want to be on medication my entire life, i did not want to be a zombie and i hated the fact i was the only one being accountable.
he fully supported me, i drove him crazy a many nights being upset (i hated getting mail addressed to his ex wife, and their house still had her name on it - but since we have had it removed)
things are better.
i don't know how long you have been with your man, but time does make things better. the first years, are about identity, where you fit in and the adjustment phase. then the phase of, wow, fantasy has been ruined and she aint going no where, to the finally accepting phase (which i am finally in) since then, i take care of myself.
i had to disengage - i didn't want to disengage and always felt it was a "dirty word" i wanted a family, not alienate members.
but i took on the mentality of, i am not alienating, i am just not gonna sweat the small stuff, and my fiance knows this.
for example, i hate it that his daughters will take a 40 minute shower and leave no hot water for me, i mean for real??? why a 40 minute shower, what the hell are they doing in there? sooo
, knowing this, i told fiance last night after we got home from camping, "i am going to take a shower, while i can get hot water, have your daughers help you unpack the camper, it will make me happy" he jumped right on it!!!
so, i got a hot shower, and i didn't have to bitch! trust me, men rather make you happy to not bitch than for their women to be miserable.
another thing that always irked me, was the hall light being left on all the time, so, i undid the light bulb, kids are too lazy to check and the light is now off
what i am getting at is this,
is there other solutions before you medicate yourself?
its not fair you have to do this to mask their problems....
just food for thought...
i wish you well!!! i have been there!
I was just like you, last
I was just like you, last year, I got on zoloft - i hated it, I felt so resentful, thinking, I was the one "with the problem" to the point, i had to medicate myself to deal with the b.s.
i took it for three months, and then i stopped, i started getting circles under my eyes from the medication and weight gain.
it was a bitch to get off the medication - i had to ween down from it, they put me on 100 off the bat, cuz of my high anxiety.
well, needless to say, i didn't need the medication, i wasn't depressed, i was putting up with bad behavior.
i talked to my then boyfriend (we are now engaged) i told him i did not want to be on medication my entire life, i did not want to be a zombie and i hated the fact i was the only one being accountable.
he fully supported me, i drove him crazy a many nights being upset (i hated getting mail addressed to his ex wife, and their house still had her name on it - but since we have had it removed)
things are better.
i don't know how long you have been with your man, but time does make things better. the first years, are about identity, where you fit in and the adjustment phase. then the phase of, wow, fantasy has been ruined and she aint going no where, to the finally accepting phase (which i am finally in) since then, i take care of myself.
i had to disengage - i didn't want to disengage and always felt it was a "dirty word" i wanted a family, not alienate members.
but i took on the mentality of, i am not alienating, i am just not gonna sweat the small stuff, and my fiance knows this.
for example, i hate it that his daughters will take a 40 minute shower and leave no hot water for me, i mean for real??? why a 40 minute shower, what the hell are they doing in there? sooo
, knowing this, i told fiance last night after we got home from camping, "i am going to take a shower, while i can get hot water, have your daughers help you unpack the camper, it will make me happy" he jumped right on it!!!
so, i got a hot shower, and i didn't have to bitch! trust me, men rather make you happy to not bitch than for their women to be miserable.
another thing that always irked me, was the hall light being left on all the time, so, i undid the light bulb, kids are too lazy to check and the light is now off
what i am getting at is this,
is there other solutions before you medicate yourself?
its not fair you have to do this to mask their problems....
just food for thought...
i wish you well!!! i have been there!
Thank you for your thoughtful
Thank you for your thoughtful comments.
I have had bouts of depression and anxiety in the past and this is the only thing that will help. I've been trying to avoid it for a couple months but I don't think I have a choice. I need to disengage and do this. I think once I get myself in a better place a couple months from now, I can evaluate this situation better and decide what to do for the long haul. But I know I simply can't keep going like this. It's miserable and it is impacting all facets of my life.
I think it's a good call.
I think it's a good call.
Generally the ones who have
Generally the ones who have to take the meds to cope are the 'identified' patient. Meaning its really the people surrounding the identified patient who need to be medicated. My mom learned that from her therapist. Good luck! I've tried many of the anti-depressants and understand the need to take them.
Now I've switched to the ones that have fewer of the numbing side effects. But you gotta do what you gotta do to cope!
I have never had any history
I have never had any history of depression or anxiety....but now when I am around SS15 more than usual or whem he is especially symptomatic I find myself feeling anxious, stressed and down. Its shocking how these kids affect us. I take homeopathic medication when I have to spend time around SS. I think about starting therapy all the time just to cope with him, he brings out the worst in everyone around him. So do what you need to do for yourself, get the help you need. It's not easy so good for you. Hang in there.
Wow! Sooo sorry to hear that.
Wow! Sooo sorry to hear that. How long did you have the symptoms of depression before you new you had it?