At 13, this is the beginning!? Borderline.
We finally caught SD13 in her leopard print tights and tanktop with bra hanging out. The pants belonged to a girl 45lb smaller and they were tight on that girl. SD13's fake image is cracking. She is stealing, lying, talking sex with boys (friends' boyfriends mainly), sneaking as always, and she tries to play victim by saying the girl's parents made her or dropped her off or whatever.
She has been asking people for pot. She is trying to get marijuana and she has either already smoked it or has set it up, but she has been trying to buy it.
She's going into 8th grade. I keep thinking five years...then what.
She makes up stuff saying I called her fat or yelled at her or put her down. I never did or said any of that! I am extremely cautious with what I do and say. I want to put fucking cameras up in my house, seriously.
I sleep with my baby because I have concerns that she'd do something.
She fakes being sick. A lot.
She had a 12 hour episode yesterday sabotaging me and screaming and crying on and off. She got a pocket knife and lay on the bathroom floor for hours. I finally gave in and went to get her (she was going to lay there until I did, I KNOW this). She shoved the closed pocket knife in my face, said "soooooooorry" with her "poor me look what you made me do" face, then yanked up her shorts and said SEEEEEEEE I CUUUT MYSEEEEELF. I said "oh well. We're over this pity me crap." and I left. She came down and was nice to company.
She sent DH a text "Daddy help please daddy make the pain go away daddy she doesn't love me she is mean to me daddy help please it hurts so bad daddy". I wanted to VOMIT. I never did anything! I never raised my voice, never got an attitude, I mean I was freaking awesome and amazing that day like award winning sweet, and not fake sweet either. I was patient, I said I understand why you would have done those things, its not okay, but I understand and I love you. ... Yeah! Then I get attitude and I ask politely for her to stop and apologize for being nasty and she said "NO I wouldn't mean it...maybe I will later". She back talks me constantly, like really bad BAD.
I said "SD13, I am not going to tolerate this disrespect and I don't appreciate it." She said "Feelings mutual, you need to respect ME".
God help me, I want to leave my husband and move for the next five years until this nightmare is over and out at 18. I have a 7 month old baby she is terrorizing. Oh, and she's supposed to be holding him whenever she wants whenever she's emotionally dysregulated like a therapy dog. NO!?!?
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Call the cops on her when she
Call the cops on her when she pulls a stunt like locking herself in the bathroom with a knife.
There's something really wrong with her - more than just being a teen. Maybe she does have pain that needs to go away and needs to spend some time institutionalized.
I agree. Even with what you
I agree. Even with what you said after, you need to have her committed if this is how she wants to act.
She also has two
She also has two investigations of molestation she made that are currently with CPS. This could be obviously part of her mental and emotional issues, which is why we don't just "yank a knot in her tail" so to speak. I'm at a loss. She is terrorizing me, and she does it on purpose. She constantly makes me proove I love her "enough". She admitted it. She fakes being sick to get attention and make us prove we love her "enough".
She writes letters to my baby that she wants to give him when he's 12. ITs all about how she's mistreated, no one loves her enough, everyones mean to her and she's raped all the time.
Her jealousy over the baby is not normal, it's at a pathological level.
I know I'm the adult, I should be tehre for her, but I just wish she would stop, just stop. She's going to destroy our family.
Omg. If she's cutting herself
Omg. If she's cutting herself I wouldn't let her near my baby! It sounds like she's got a lot of strange stuff going on in her head. What does her Dad say/do about it all?
She needs to be committed for
She needs to be committed for psych eval now!!
Scheduled that back in June,
Scheduled that back in June, but she goes mid-August. SHe has a psychiatrist since January. SHe was admitted in November after jealous fit over my baby shower, where she was center of the attention still, and threatened suicide because we didn't love her enough.
I'm so tired. I'm done. Really. I'm so done. Done with her behavior and yelling "IM DEPRESSED I CAN"T HELP IT" and the disrespect and all of it.
What is her FATHER doing
What is her FATHER doing about her behavior??
See below. He is doing
See below. He is doing everything any parent could possibly do from therapy, psychiatrists, limiting freedoms, constant monitoring, she doesn't even go out in our neighborhood without DAD. THe only time away from us was at this friend's house, and those parents lied to us and said they did go to the movie and did go to the mall with the girls. Now, she will not even spend the night with anyone at all. Pills are locked up. She only scratches herself to show me and try to make me feel responsible, but I'm not and I don't any more.
He got her a psychiatrist, therapist, CPS investigation, monitors her phone/internet, takes up the phone when we go to bed so she can't text creepy stuff after we go to bed, he spends time with her constantly. If the baby gets anything, she has a jealous melt down. Even a carseat, she melt down. I spent my live inheritence (grandparents sold farm) on her about $1000 of it, but then I spent $200 on baby including carseat and walker..and she has jealous issues at walmart over wanting to buy socks and having to wait until we get to that department on the way out and not running to it immediately.
Father is doing everything a father can with a daughter with emotional problems who has allegations of molestation pending with CPS. He couldn't do anything else. He has to hold her rather than yell, yelling just feeds her pathology and doesn't help anything.
He even had mobile crisis come out and do an evaluation and had extended care counseling from mobile crisis for eight weeks. That is just a joke. a person comes out and asks SD13 how you doing awww once a week for eight weeks and leaves. That's it.
I'm so frustrated. I do know how to prevent it, just don't let on that you see past her facade that you believe she's not doing anything bad or using the N word and never never call her out on anything even with the sweetest interaction. Tell her she's right and she's great and she'll be loving and nice. Just do that and I guess not let her go to friend's houses so she can't do those things is what we'll have to do. Oh and do not react no matter how disrespectful.
Gather up all the letters,
Gather up all the letters, take a snapshot of all texts, emails, etc - and sit your husband down with all of it. This is HIS 'child' what is he doing about any of it?
Does he need help parenting? There are resources for it. Just as there are resources for you, like here.
The best advice I can give - start to distance yourself from her drama of the moment. She wants to lay on the bathroom floor with a pocket knife, call the authorities that she's threatening to hurt herself. And then let her father know that some one is on the way to handle the situation as you cannot.
Cameras.... If she's making such serious accusations
of abuse and molestation, you do need to set up cameras. http://www.dlink.com/us/en/home-solutions/view/network-cameras/dcs-932l-...
I don't know about you, but there is no end to the amount of money I would spend to make sure that I'm live on camera (like Big Brother) to ensure that my ass is never going to be accused of something that could potentially send me to jail.
Prove that you really love her. Get tough. Give her the boundaries that she needs. And good luck.
I am definitely using that
I am definitely using that link and finding something. She says "I FEEL LIKE my mom calls me a whore, calls me fat, is pushign me against a wall looking me up and down judging me". She uses "i feel like" to say anything she wants and get people to think its real and pity her and think I'm a monster and treat me like it when I didn't do anything at all! Not even raised voice.
I am putting in cameras to protect myself.
We have put in more and more boundaries with less and less freedom. She was never to go anywhere withotu an adult because she tries to meet boys. We let her continue to stay the night with only two BFFs. Now, she is not allowed to spend the night anywhere with anyone at all except my sister-in-law for us to get breaks. She has no freedoms, no privacy, we check everything and go everywhere. Not in a mean way either. ..... We're with her ALL DAY then when we go to bed at 9:30 (we have NO ALONE TIME as a couple at all), she starts texting friends and boys and kids from school at 10:00 saying she's neglected, alone, bored, sad, sitting in her closet cutting herself (no marks)..
Today, she is staying in her room sulking and sleeping. Her therapy appointment is tomorrow morning.
Note: All my replied were
Note: All my replied were typed to answer questions and if there is any hint of irritation it is not directed at anyone being replied to. It's a very difficult situation, I'm mad, sad, hurt, irritated, frustrated and we're struggling with this allegation of molestation against the neighbor that we loved and dealing with SD13's emotional problems and trying to realize she's sick but still dealign with the behaviors. So if there is anything that sounds in the least bit snippy, that is what it is from, and I have not taken offense to anything said by any poster so far. I completely understand the questions of where is dad and what about seeking help; we did those things and are in weekly therapy, monthly psychiatrist, getting an eval but it was scheduled three months out. We have even already done inpatient for two weeks that was useless and extremely expensive.
If she ever has a knife in her hand again, I am calling 911 even if it is benign. I'm not playing her games.
We used to fall for the
We used to fall for the arguing where she would escalate and hollar that we don't love her and don't LISTEN to her (AKA believe her BS and call her out). Now, we simply say 'here's the consequence', no why or what or discussion. "I love you; here's the consequence you CHOSE to have by doing the behavior/action".
We are trying. Trying really darn hard to do right by her; be patient and kind and understanding yet maintain boundaries and rules.
I hate when she disrespects me with those shitty little "feelings mutual" comments when I calmly say "SD, I don't appreciate being disrespected, I expect you to speak to me like a person". I'm working on not letting it affect me, but I've gained 5 lb already (I lost 60 lb dieting and started binging with all of this).