I'll make this short and sweet and then open it up for discusion
Does anyone else feel like they are watching a trainwreck while observing their SKIDS as they grow up. I mean really. I have no control or parenting power because my SO doesn't want me to play that role in their lives. And I know that they aren't being raised right at all. It just feels like I am front row to watching them turn from kids with a chance at being good people into good for nothing adults.
How do I cope with this? I have such a big heart and it kills me to see what they do. And because my SO says we need to be sensitive to them because of the divorce(even though its been 3 friggin years!) she does nothing in my opinion to regulate them in any way. They are already out of control spoiled brats that do nothing but continually cost us money we don't have. (This is also because their low life BF doesn't provide anything for them even though he makes more money than we do.)
I could keep going on and on, but I'll stop here...(I will regurgitate the last 3 years of my experiences later when I have more time.)
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Its the same thing! My SO
Its the same thing! My SO doesn't want to be the "bad" guy, but neither does their BF! So these kids are getting NO dose of reality.
Your SO is Guilty Parenting.
Your SO is Guilty Parenting. She is not equipping her children with the ability to conduct themselves as law abiding successful adults. Sorry, being the children of a divorce has never got you out of a traffic ticket or out of your homework or off a murder charge.
Initially you need to cut some slack while the kids adjust. But after 18 months (and all those 'firsts' have passed like first Christmas without dad and mum living together) the rules for life need to apply.
Make it very clear what happens once they are out of high school. They cannot continue to live with you two. No shrine rooms kept for them to stay in.
Detach yourself from the kids and be thankful they do not share your last name.
I have given SS15 the
I have given SS15 the talk...because I have already been bracing him that after he is 18 he needs to choose where to live permanently. And I told him if he wasn't doing good in school that he could go live with his father or get a job and pay rent because I'm not going to let this kid just leech off of my income and take away my resources from my daughter.
I couldn't agree more. It's
I couldn't agree more. It's just hard, because I know that 3 years ago they were good kids, but as they grow up in this new environment I see them both spiralling out of control. The hard part is going to be convincing my SO (their BM) that I don't want them living with us after the custody agreement is finished. SS15 and SD10...I don't want to be THAT step parent that can't accept them, but at the same time, if I can't be a parent to them, I feel like I don't want to have any relationship with them at all. And my SO can't understand that. She tells me to treat them like they were my own...and the problem with that is if I did...I'd probably get arrested!
I told my DSO 6 years ago
I told my DSO 6 years ago that I was seeing OSS go down the same paths my BS did and he needed to step up and take control then.
I told him that he needed to get YSS a lot more help than the boy was getting and printed all kinds of stuff out on behavior disorders and so on.
OSS spent 2.5 years in juvie. He has been out since August and quit adult ed for his GED and got fired from the newspaper office....I see him going to big boy jail here in the near future.
YSS has already been in the court system for 14 months and I don't see that one ending EVER.
BM was able to scam the US Govt out of Disability. The woman hasn't worked in 10 years so I don't know how she can be disabled but I guess if you don't mind living in extreme poverty for years for that low income check....what else do you expect from the kids.
Yup especially when SD3 comes
Yup especially when SD3 comes over from her moms house and asks, "Is my coochie hanging out?"
Daaaaayaammm!!!!!!!
:jawdrop: Daaaaayaammm!!!!!!!
Yes, this! The rage and
Yes, this! The rage and disappointment when you point out FACTS, facts that are crucial. Don't HELP the kid, just pretend the arrests/arson/drop outs/ car crashes aren't happening. WTF? :O
YEP, my SS15's BF is the same
YEP, my SS15's BF is the same way. Doens't make him do homework and doesn't even check in with him. Now he's staring at a report card: F, F, F, D+, B, B. Not to mention BF can't even get the kid to school ontime to save his life. This year he has been late to class 16 times under BF's custody. Such a joke. And the court doesn't give a damn about any of it.
Waaaaay ahead of you. I am
Waaaaay ahead of you. I am looking for parenting classes for us to attend together. I figure that way she can hear it from a professional.
I am afraid that there is no
I am afraid that there is no way for me to talk about these feelings with my SO without upsetting her. She has constantly responded with her classic defense: "When you put down my kids, you are putting me down too." She doesn't get that I'm not trying to "put them down" I'm trying to show her the warning signs before everything explodes.
I love my SO, and I don't want our BD0 to grow up with seperated parents either...but at the same time, if this is how my SO parents her two others, what is to make me believe that she will be a better parent or at least on my team when it comes to parenting my BD with her? My close friends tell me that I should just end the relationship now so my BD doesn't know life any differently. But I am hard pressed to do that because part of me wants to believe that life together will some how work out and be ok. I can't sleep at night anymore because I worry about these things so damn much that my mind never shuts off.
In general, the skid in my
In general, the skid in my life is okay.
However, H's guilty parenting is turning her into Uberskank....minus the whore and booze part.
My SS does not live with us,
My SS does not live with us, only every other weekend. We are the college educated family and work hard for what you want mentality. SS lives with BM, her husband and their 4 other children in a 2 bedroom trailer. BM new husband collects state disability for who knows what and she uses the system for everything. Free daycare - Why get free daycare when her husband sits home all day? My husband pays for Medical for SS, but she still has him on state aid as well. what a waste!
anyways I think the day he turns 18 she will take him to the welfare office to sign him up for everything. We have started a college fund for him, I pray that he goes, but he doesn't have great influence 75% of the time. If he doesn't attend college, he doesn't get a dime of that college fund!
Oh, hell yeh! I can see SD,
Oh, hell yeh! I can see SD, who is a perfect mini-versionof BM, complete with same hair style and all.. turning into an exact replica of BM. BM has taught SD that being maniuplative, demanding, arrogant, controlling and entitled is the absolute right attitude to have. She has taught SD that men are not to be respected, treated like shit and if they don't spoil the living shit out of you, then they aren't worth your spit. Of course, BM is a lesbian who came out of the closet once the kids were born. She surrounds herself with men-haters so, SD's attitude has just grown steadily worse.
She will never apologise for hurting others, never apologise for being rude and disrespectful. She will never care if her actions hurt those she loves and she will continue to expect and demand utter devotion, while treating people like shit.
Way to go, BM, way to go.