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Almost a year, have an update

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Submitted by Amara on Sat, 12/20/2014 - 7:47pm

It's been almost a year since I last updated.

(Background: SS22 moved in, ostensibly for a few months. We were really close until he moved in, at which point I realized that he was, alas, a douche.)

Almost a year since I posted here. And in that year, the stepson got significantly worse. Smoking pot, being a little jackass, and it continued. Husband took the approach of "guide him along, don't be heavyhanded", and we did start to see a little progress after a while... a little.

On Thanksgiving, he moved back in with his mom. It's been glorious to have him gone -

Just venting. Nothing to see here.

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Submitted by Amara on Tue, 01/07/2014 - 2:29pm

The last week has been better, I'll admit.

I don't know if this is because L (SS21, who has lived with us for two months) has spent most of his time not here, or because I'm getting better at dealing with him when he is here. But the last week has been better.

That said -

Today has not gotten off to the best start ever.

L went to work this morning before I got up, which is always a nice break - I get the morning to myself, relax, have coffee, play music, not tense and anxious because I'm living with someone with no emotional control.

Lil rambly.

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Submitted by Amara on Tue, 12/31/2013 - 12:01am

When L (SS) came home with arms full of groceries from his BM, I sighed a little inside.

Freakin enabler. Thanks for undermining us. Really appreciate it, S. Love you too.

After L went off to wherever, I remarked to G (DH), "He probably complained to her that we weren't feeding him enough here."

Damn. I shouldn't have said that. It's just bitchy and bitter and harsh and it'll upset him.

"Ha, yeah, that's probably exactly what he did," G replies.

ugh, seriously?

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Submitted by Amara on Sun, 12/29/2013 - 11:39am

L (SS21) is staying the weekend at his mom's, which is always a double-edged sword. On the one hand, I love the time away from him. (That makes me feel like a jerk, but there it is anyway.) On the other hand, DH and I are trying to teach him things like responsibility and accountability. We have a list of groceries that he's supposed to pay for with his own money that he's making from his part-time job. BM screws us in this regard every. damn. time. by buying L a boatload of food and supplements and crap that he doesn't have to pay for in any regard.

Meh.

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Submitted by Amara on Tue, 12/24/2013 - 7:03pm

Sometimes it's not what he does as much as what he's like.

The last day and a half have been pretty quiet. L (SS) goes to work and comes home while we're in bed, so there's no socialization there (and he's quiet so he's not waking us up), and then he goes to work out or go hang out with his friends, so there's no socialization there either.

Emotional Maturity

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Submitted by Amara on Sun, 12/22/2013 - 7:14pm

I honestly don't understand how a person can get to 21 years old and have no emotional control whatsoever.

So L (SS) is on the phone with BM, flipping out at her over basically nothing. This about five minutes after we open a bottle of champagne, celebrating G (DH)'s raise at work - all was happy times and wonderful.

No emotional control whatsoever.

...

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Submitted by Amara on Sun, 12/22/2013 - 1:15pm

"Thanks for letting me live here, Dad. I love you."

I smile a little bit, but at the same time I'm feeling... I don't even know how to describe it. Angry, I guess. Hurt. Because I'm letting him live here, too. Rent-free, almost responsibility-free (though that's going to change), and I get nothing?

This after two attempts on my part this morning to engage L (SS) in conversation. Resoundingly ignored.

Wow. He's not going to say a damn word to me.

Progress? Maybe?

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Submitted by Amara on Sat, 12/21/2013 - 11:00am

So last night, right after I decide not to discuss any of this with G (my DH), I unload on him. For the fifth night in a row.

I decided this for a few reasons: he can't really relate, not ever having been a stepparent, and I don't want to add to his stress level, and there's not much he can do about most of my griping. If there's something he can do, fine, I'll tell him. Otherwise, it doesn't help anyone.

Finally, I say "I'm not cleaning up any of his shit anymore."

"That's probably a good idea," G says.

Damned if I do, damned if I don't.

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Submitted by Amara on Fri, 12/20/2013 - 11:10pm

Tonight I informed L that I was leaving him on his own for dinner. He had leftover ten-bean soup, actually sort-of-halfassedly thanked me for preparing anything at all (bitching about the ingredients the whole time), and took off immediately after he was done. Where he went I don't know, but he came back a few hours later and immediately parked himself in the kitchen for half an hour devouring anything in sight.

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