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alwaysthemom's picture

Submitted by alwaysthemom on Fri, 11/30/2007 - 7:52pm

My HB just recently took BM to court for child support. At my request of course not his own decision. During the couse of the court action BM said a few things about me I didn't think she should have said to my HB. He told me what she had said after the conversation. I asked him why he didn't defend me. He said he was just trying to find out what her plans were for the court date. I was very upset at the fact that he didn't, in my mind defend my integrity. For 2 weeks we fought and he stood his ground saying that he didn't think what she had said was a big deal(she said she was tired of feeling left out of the kids lives and that I always talk about her to other parents) To me the big deal was him not cutting her off as soon as my name was mentioned, reguardless what was said. We talked it out and I kind of got over it. Well, 2 days ago we were discussing the Christmas arrangements and I asked if the skids would be going to their BM. He said the same thing as he has said the last 3 years, she's not going to take them for 1 week. I said it's court ordered that she will take them such n such time. Needless to say we got in an argument. Because if she doesn't fullfill her obligations I will have to take up her slack. HB will be working. We discussed this and I told him how I felt. I told HB I was sick of BM always saying that I try to take over, how because of me she's not involved with kids BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!! He turns right around to me and says Just so you know last time I talked to her she said she shouldn't have said those things and that the kids really like me and that she appreciated what I did for them. To me that was HB defending BM against my attack of her saying those untrue things about me to him before. I called him on it and asked why did you automatically defend BM when I said something but when she said something about me you never said one damn thing. You guys tell me if I am over reacting??????? I feel so defeated. I'm finding a sitter and going out with the girls tonight against his will of course. F*** it!!!

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laurels4u's picture

Submitted by laurels4u on Fri, 11/30/2007 - 8:17pm

in the same set of shoes so to speak......at least your DH took the BM to court for CS. I have asked DH to go after CS for the last 3 years, which he hasn't. It'll be 4 years this Jan. that his son's mother hasn't paid a cent in support but his son threatens all of the time to move back with the BM and you can bet that the second he does leave, DH will have to pay. So I'd be content that he's forcing her hand monetarily.

As far as the visitation goes, I'd be po'd if I were you. We have the same issues with holiday visitations. DH's ex is supposed to have the boy any time we're off of school plus extended holidays. Every year, she has some reason why she can't take the kid. Need I even say New Years Eve? My DH is working this holiday season and we're off of school for 11 days. I told him over a month ago he better make arrangements for BM to get him Dec. 22 and I better not see him again until Jan. 2nd after 7 p.m. I am tired of being taken advantage of and I get the same lip from BM that you're getting - she's his mother, not me. I live for the day when she actually tells ME that. I'm GLAD I'm not his mother nor do I even try to act like I am.

I don't think you're overreacting at all. I hope you go out and have the time of your life. I don't mean to sound like a downer but I've been where you are and it sucks. Do what you need to for your own sanity. A few wise women on these boards have told me a glass of wine always helps and guess what! They're right! Enjoy yourself!