My patience
about all this getting better is wearing thin. SS and SD have once again disrespected me in my own home. SD, throwing tantrums all afternoon, kicking stuff. Saying I want to live with my mom. SS tells me he hates my kids that's why his sister and him want to go live with their mom. SS tells my daughter this evening that he wishes me and his dad would divorce. I am at my wits end with those two. I don't know what else to do. I've put myself out there for them and I still get burned. Call DH and tell him his little angels are misbehaving. He talks to them about(over the phone mind you.) I get back on the phone and ask him what the hell is going on. He says they told him they miss their mom and they basically act out because he's not here. DH says he's not excusing their behavior, but I can see right through it. He feels guilty about not being here and he will end up coddling them because he's not around. Why can't he just quit trying to sugar coat everything and let them know how it's gonna be, jeez?
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I think...
Your right. And if that is what they want and your fed up and dad us not there...see ya @ Christmas. Problem will be...they won't want to be at mom's long...because this behavior works. And they know it. They are totally running over you and your letting them..
I hope your not sorry you asked... (((((hugs)))))
Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!
I've got the "I want to move back with mom"
thing figured out. BM lets them do what they want no rules, eat junk, no chores, run around like animals, hang with not so great people. It's like Disneyland to them. Whereas here they have to act like civil humanbeings, not so much fun. What they don't realize is if BM can't make practices, games etc because of work, how could she do it when they live there. SD would probably not come back because she thinks she needs to be babied all the time. But she's like BM, liar, manipulator, "victim." SS would eventually come back I'm pretty sure. In a way I want them to go, but then I don't because I know what they would be subject too.
Sweetie - I would call their
Sweetie - I would call their bluff and say fine - go live with your Mom. You shouldn't have to take care of these kids alone anyway with your husband gone. Let them go and start enjoying your life with YOUR children again.
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin
I would tell them to go live
I would tell them to go live with their mom. If your dh isn't even there to be with them, why do you have to put up with the disrespect and abuse? Why should you be willing to be there for the skids if your dh isn't going to do whatever he has to do to make them show you respect? This is your life too! You only get a small amount of time with your own children before they are gone. Why should your time and memories with your bkids be tainted with the garbage from the skids?
Who cares why they are acting up.
He has got to tell them that they are to respect you. It is never okay for kids to do that type of stuff.
When i got remarried my bd was 12. I explained to her that although DH is not her father - she will respect him at all times. Period.
I don't care what she likes or doesn't like. She has been taught to respect adults. I tell her if there is a problem. She can come to me and I will handle it.
They have to be taught the respect factor. Missing mommi dearest is no excuse to act out.
give them a real reason
put your foot down. Discipline. if dads not there then you have to let them know your the boss. They're kids, don't let them win. I'll be damned if I would let them treat my kids badly.
You need a plan
I likes what Vicki said, "he just wanted to be able to threaten us with the possibility."
Yep--you are in a control game with children now, and losing. Seems the skids threats are working. You need a plan with DH (and possibly BM) to stop this behavior NOW.
The skids like throwing you and DH into a tizzy by overt and passive aggressive threats. Next time they utter the phrase "I want to go live with my mom"--immediately indulge them! Imagine their shock as you and DH calmly walk into their rooms and start packing their clothes (not electronics or toys). "I just want you to be happy, dear." Imagine their surprise as DH calls BM and announces that "The kids are coming to live with you now" (hopefully BM is in on the plan).
Imagine their reaction as you and DH load their suitcases and plastic bags full of their clothes into the car and calmly tell them to get inside because "it's time to move!" Think about their big ears listening to every word in the car as you and DH calmly talk about calling the attorney to make it all legal, and how they will have to go in front of a judge in court to tell him that they want to live with their mom now. Oh, and isn't it too bad that they will miss out on the next family vacation to some great place. "We're sorry you chose this, but we love you and we want you to be happy, sweetheart. "
Then drop 'em off at BMs doorstep with all their stuff and wave goodbye. Leave them there for a few days, or longer. If you do this "academy award" well, there should be some screaming and tears. You want to make a big impact so they think twice about ever speaking like that to you again.
Until you work with DH to cut this crap from his kids, you can't win.