Not good
As I had said in my previous blog, I found the weirdo couple that little idiot is living with on social media. Well the cigar-smoking, Havana-hat wearing old man may already be fed up with living with her (and she's only been there a few weeks). He made a complaining post asking how much he should be expected to sacrifice to help others who are in need. Hmmm I wonder who he is referring to?... and this was followed by agreement from the man's wife that they need to decide what to do "very quickly". Not good if in fact he's talking about her.
I guess she's gone back to her old standby of laying in bed all day, working the bare minimum and having everyone else do the cooking and cleaning. Just like it was when she was living here.
The Christmas anxiety for me is it an all-time high. She is not moving back in here. I've been under an enormous amount of stress as it is, and I can't take that on top of everything else. She is teetering on the brink of homelessness. I can't understand why The Fool and her don't get a place together. Not that I would expect that to last long either. I don't see too many young people interested (or able) to support a (basically) non-working, able-bodied adult such as LI.
I don't know how to put it if she does try to move back in here. I am planning on just flat out refusing. But that would likely mean she's homeless. How many fathers would let that happen to their daughter? I'm freaking out right now.
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LI continues to go from bad
LI continues to go from bad to worse. BI can't continue to rescue her. Maybe she needs to hit bottom before she's ready to straighten out her life. And watching that happen must be really hard for a parent.
Not the same thing, but when SS finished his first rehab stint, the pros advised that he NOT live with family so that he could learn to be responsible for himself. So what does DH do? Move him in with us. That went about as expected and SS was back in rehab within a year or so.
Full credit to SS, he did the work. But with that, I made it clear to DH that he would never live with us again. Turns out now he doesn't even visit so no longer a concern of mine.
Can you have a preemptive convo with Big Idiot to make sure he knows your boundaries?
It would be hard for DH... he
It would be hard for DH... he's so prideful that he'd never want anyone to know she was basically homeless and idk how he would be able to live with that possibility himself... he'd probably worry about what his family would say too (eye roll).
I have had several conversations with him (reminding him that I just can't live with her again....). I'm sure he remembers how it almost ended our relationship.
I just can't see her changing her ways as long as somoeone is willing to pay the bills for her. She DOES need to hit rock bottom... I guess all I can do is stick to my guns and refuse to live with her. I have moments of thinking of compromising "she can stay for 2 months maximum until she gets a job...." but I don't think that's a good idea because what if it turns into longer?
NOPE!
Do not let her back in. Easier to keep'em out than get'em out.
Happened Here
Three of DH's kids have been homeless in the past. Our home was NEVER an option due to past behaviors. One of DH's kids stayed at the YMCA in a major city for one year. He got a bed, medical care and food vouchers while he was there. Maybe that could be LI's next stop??
Dont let her back in your home.
I wonder if they have that
I wonder if they have that availability in FL? Is it basically like a homeless shelter? I can see DH balking at that.
I definitely plan on holding my ground and saying no.
Definitely Homeless shelter
At least where he was. But he said it was clean and safe. I'd start searching Florida homeless resources. And give the list to your DH.
I understand your anxiety. As
I understand your anxiety. As they say, some people need to hit rock bottom before they decide to make a change. Helping chronic losers get out of bad situations they put themselves in is enabling.
I have a family member in the midst of foreclosure right now re: a house that one of her ex-husbands had built (on his dime) for her. She kept refinancing (cash-out) in order to have cash because, with her master's degree in a lucrative field, she was too lazy to work. It hasn't been an easy decision, but no one in the family is helping her right now. We've concluded that she suffers from Peter Pan Syndrome (might be interesting for you to look up) aka Little Princess Syndrome. It's the "failure to launch" people. They are impossible to deal with and tend to have narcissistic tendencies.
I'm right there with you,
I'm right there with you, white-knuckling it through the holiday season in a similar situation. If i were actually married and living with my SO, i would tell him that he would have to subsidize her living elsewhere, similar to JRI's situation if it came to that. In your case, there's no baby, so your DH doesn't have that added pressure and may actually just say no. Or make the help for a limited time. If he says he can't afford it and the only way to keep her from being homeless is to let her move in, he's lying. Or at least mine would be. Moving her in would be the easiest way. For him. I bet your DH isn't operating at 100% efficiency with his money. He can dig deep, cut expenses, and help her out. Or not. But he won't move her in and you won't lower your standard of living for someone who can help themself but refuses.
I hear you
I'm hearing you and sharing your anxiety. I know exactly how you feel.
Would it help to look at the worst case scenerio?
Would it help to look at the worst case scenerio? Worst case, he decides to let her move in, and you move out. You separated from him before and you did just fine - you can do it again if necessary. I know that is not what you want, but I also know you can't live with her. Your separation made him come to his senses last time, it would probably happen again if you were pushed that far.
If your husband brings it up,
If your husband brings it up, your only response need be, "So you're saying you want to move out and get a divorce? We've been down this road before. Is that what you want?"
Maybe a homeless shelter
For L.I. Would bee a wake up calf for her. As if you don't work you live in a shelter. Tell DH , L.I. is not moving in with you. He can go with her to motel 6. As long as he supports your home
LI is young, she has a long life ahead of her. Your gold is to keep her out of your home. If she moves in, with free room and food. And letting her BF move in also. Who can't have it better. Under no circumstances she can move in. Not for a day or week. Two woman can't live in the same home . If LI moves in your days living with SO is numbered
What's interesting is your
What's interesting is your husband basically has zero relationship (sounds like both parties are guilty) with her and yet he thinks she's this amazing human without knowing anything about her.
IMO a lot of parents think kids (late teens/early 20s) will just "figure it out" and unfortunately you get the LIs of the world. They don't figure it out and end up in not so good situations.
Sounds like she's about to crash and burn.
What would BI's Reaction Be
If he found out that LI is an epic fail at life and that you knew what was going on but didn't say anything? I take every opportunity with the little I know about Chef's ferals to rub it in.
No means no. In a marriage
No means no. In a marriage the No trumps the yes in most things and there is no overriding the veto. The only way the no changes is if the one playing the no vote changes it.
So, just.... NO!
This has zero to do with what a father would do regarding a Kidult being homeless. This is about this particular Kidult not moving into YOUR home. Introduce daddy and LI to Microtel Suites, Motel 6 Suites, Sun Suites, etc... Low budget, small, kitchenettes, pay only for a short stay then her housing is on LI. Note KITCHENETTE. She can cook for herself because I would forbid one Cent of marital funds going for Door Dash, etc... for her and I wouldn't feed her. Hunger is and discomfort is a great motivational and teaching opportunity. I had it delivered to me in my early 20s. A week (Spring break). I had <$20 to last me 9+ days because campus food services were closed. I had to get approval to remain in the dorm for Spring Break. Even with that they kept the boiler turned down so it was chilly. Particularly showers. They kept the bldg above freezing but I was the only one. I did fill my gas tank up which is what left me with only $20. Top Ramen was my larder for the whole time. Even then, the last couple of days I ate "tomato soup" made from ketchup packets and mayonnaise packets mixed with water and spiced with pepper packets and hot sauce packets I got from restaurant condiment counters.
The baggage and her behavioral crap is more than I would tolerate at any level at this stage. Shee needs to hit rock bottom and keep going down until she finds she cannot survive without making major adjustments and changes. Top Ramen and condiment packet soup is a major learning curve to learn to extricate your own head from your ass. I had no credit cards at that time so there alternative. I did not have enough cash for a pizza.
Time for LI to feel the pain and feel the consequences of not being welcome in your home due to her historic crap. Defend the gates!
Take care of you.