SO really enjoys time with his kids problem is, the hard stuff is hard for him to do. He does try to keep them in line, but he hates doing it. He wants to just hang out and have fun. The other problem, he's introverted so he doesn't realize that he gets over stimulated just having more people around. Eventually he gets crabby. His routine is off so his sleep and eating patterns are off when they are with us. Its like everything is thrown off, then he seems like a child who gets too much stimulation and doesn't get a nap so he can get moody.

Even SO says its easier when they aren't around even though he likes to see them. He's just not a people person.

Oh and I agree, the longer time they are away, the more our routine is set and he seems just fine.

I get that, I think DH finds being SS's dad extremly stressful. He is completly different with our daughter. He isn't as close with SS and seems to find all interactions with him stressful. SS has ADD and a difficult personality whereas our daughter is an easy child with sweet dispostition and it is like watching two different men when he interacts with them seperatly.

My dh does not seem to find parenting ss rewarding in anyway that i can see. He seems to find parenting our other children somewhat more rewarding (they are typical kiddos with no significant behavioral issues).

With ss he does not really seem to enjoy spending time with him-in fact he does not seem to know how to spend time with him if that makes sense. He will let ss sit beside him while he plays games on the computer. He will nap while ss is here. He will try to make us all do family activities so he is not forced to try and figure out what to do with ss. Last time he was over he took him outside to go swimming (we live on a lake) for literally like 10 minutes, they played one game of cornhole, and then dh came upstairs told my ds to put the game on 2 player and play with ss and then he laid down on the couch and promptly fell asleep!

He tends to be grouchy when ss is around-but will oftne take it out on the rest of us instead of stepturd. In fact, I think he really tries to isolate when he's here which of course leaves ss floating around the house unsupervised by anyone but me.

DH loves being with the skids, but he does seem more stressed out as well.

I think that is because most of the time we have them we are just battling to cancel out bad behaviors they learned at BM's. By the second day of the weekend, though, they are usually better behaved and DH is much more relaxed. By the third day, they are totally different kids and DH is totally at ease and happy.

Then they go back to BM's, and the whole ugly cycle starts over again.

Yes! But only with the two skids, he's usually fine with the others. Whenever his weekend approaches he get's all stressed out and if either of them are here he acts bitter, maybe it's because they are gremlin's and he can't take their shit as much as I can't? I know he wants nothing but happiness for me and he knows how I feel about their behavior and I am sure that stresses him too. It's like he waits for them to drop the other shoe and then the fight is on, usually I just hide in my room but I can hear his kids downstairs going off and the steam coming out his ears. The girl isn't here anymore unless it's an emergency but the boy is just as much as a pain in the ass only in a different more abusive way.

You know how people always say that their kids bring them joy? Well... you would never know it if you met my DH. Everything surrounding his kids is just drama, drama, drama to the point that I think exactly what you do... being a dad is more stressful to him than what it is supposed to be... joyful. He had an arranged marriage the first go around and had 2 kids because that is what he was "supposed" to do in his culture... then he got out of that marriage and met a chick who said she "couldn't" get pregnant... she did and so he felt obligated to marry her. They divorced. Then he met another chick who quit taking her bc without telling him and she gets pregnant... so he felt obligated to marry her. It is worth noting that chick #3 hated #2 BM so badly that she felt the best revenge would be to have his kid too and that's exactly what she did. The whole thing was a stupid jealousy contest.

So, you can understand why being a "dad" is stressful... all 4 of his kids were brought into this world for the wrong reasons with women he says he wasn't "in love" with. He tells me all the time how can't wait until this night or that day or whatever because we won't have any kids... gee wiz! If you felt that way, then you never should have taken off the condom, buddy! Now if I were to say that I can't wait until such and such night because we won't have kids, he gets defensive, but he can say it. I don't have an issue with the older 3... don't really see them much. But the little princess, SD6, we have to have every other night and ALL weekend because her egg donor is a POS who wants to party all the time at the young age of 35 (and she has other children with other men too). Can we say, "Mother of year award?"

Anyway, I get what you mean... In my case, those kids are just living, breathing reminders of his mistakes... and I think that it comes out in the way he acts around them or even when he talks about them. Hang in there!