And boy, does she break it down!! I didn't realize exactly how much of my frustration is compounded by the "step" situation. I'm also learning some insight about me, who I am, and feel validated in my how I feel.

When I first came to ST, I felt that I hated my ss. I felt jealous and annoyed with him (constantly demanding attention), and guilty for all of these feelings. I felt that EOW my space was invaded. I felt powerless over my living situation, I resented that my weekends with SO had to be shared with ss doing kiddie things from when he got to the apartment until he left. The frustration that resulted in all of these feelings was misdirected towards ss.

I know that part of it is due to the fact that I am trying to quit smoking. I have been doing okay, taking a couple of puffs here and there, but hadn't had a cigarette since Wednesday (this is improvement since I was going through 1 1/2 packs per day). SO decides that he also wants to quit. I'm already getting worried because I know how I get when I try to quit and I know how he gets, but all seemed to be okay. Until today. SO goes to pick up ss9. When ss9 comes back, he starts doing the little divisive act that he sometimes does.

My SO, as most of you know is a little older than me, 15 years to be exact. I already know that because of the age difference, we will have a certain dynamic. For example, sometimes, I find myself resenting the fact that he had a past before me; including BM, and certain friends and life experiences. Well, we have been together for 9 years, going on 10 this year, and maybe about 2 years into the relationship, SO told me that he used to have a really close female friend. They used to be so close that they used to sleep in the same bed.