4teenagegirls2SDs's Blog
What about us?
Now I'm struggling with the thought that SD13 is able to use "I'm just not ready to talk" as an excuse to put off resolving our issues. She knows we're all hurting over this. Myself, my husband, his mom, my girls, her sister & she's given no thought to our family & our pain. I'm finding it very difficult to understand how she can continually put her needs above everyone else's pain. Given what she's done in the past when forced to communicate when she's not ready it easier just to let her ignore the situation.
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Guilts gone
So after talking to my mom & filling her in on all the details I feel much better. Lighter. I'm confident I'm doing the right thing for my BD's. They do not deserve the treatment SD13 dishes out. I've made it quite clear our standards of behavior & SD13 cannot seem to be able to adhere to them. I'm not going to have separate rules for our kids - they all have to follow the ONE most important one. Always treat family with respect. Arguments happen no doubt but there's a line you do not cross & she's violated that standard many times.
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Guilts eating at me.....
So the way things stand now both my SD's haven't returned to our house in over 3 weeks. I've only spoken to SD9 & apologized. She's a sweetie & thanked me & accepted my apology however I haven't seen her. Haven't spoken to SD13 even though I've contacted her a few times. My DH has seen them. Taken them to dinner, etc. my BD's have no interest in seeing them. They confided with my parents that SD13 makes them uncomfortable & she's mean.
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BD's don't want her back....
My girls came home yesterday after a weekend with their dad & a week with their grandparents & both let me know they have zero interest in seeing their SS13 again. What happened a few weeks ago was enough for them. They've witnessed her behavior & up until now, while they didn't understand if they were willing to overlook it for the good of their family & SD. Now they've had it (as have I). For the love of my DH & the family I tried reaching out to her to talk & try to move toward reconciliation & received no response.
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Suspended Animation
So my DH took SD13 to dinner & then they did some fishing. Unfortunately there was no talking about our current situation. "She didn't wanna talk about it" Try getting a 13 year old mentally unstable girl to talk and or listen when she doesn't want to. All blaming aside this really keeps me & our blended family in a type of suspended animation with no resolution in sight. No plans for their return. I let him know again that I don't want her around D11 & he agrees.
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The plans to disengage.
So after all the horrible drama that went down last week I've been doing some serious soul searching. My DH & I are mending our relationship thankfully. I truly feel for him having to live with the train wreck that is his DD13. We both agree we have to come up with a plan to live peacefully with his kids (very part time). I've decided I cannot be responsible for his kids in any way. Disengaging is my plan going forward. No more laundry, cleaning their room, buying them anything, cleaning up after them or any involvement outside of being cordial & civil in their presence.
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SD13 is tearing my family up.
I need an educated opinion here. My oldest SD is unbearable. I lost it last night because she was argumentative with her sister pretty much all day. Then to top it all off my two girls after returning from a solid week away to visit family the arguing continued. My D11 & SD13 were sitting watching TV when SD13 got up & grabbed a pad & pen & began writing. I honestly thought she was going to hand a surly note to me when she was done but no. She dropped it in my daughters lap as she walked out of the room.
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