DH and I sat down and had a long talk this evening. There was no yelling, or putdowns. Just a simple conversation in preparation for tomorrow.
I told him that he needed to decide right then and there what direction we were going to take. Would he start to defend me to SD & BM or will he continue to let them have their way and be mean and nasty. I said I wasn't going to threaten to leave or throw him out but if we continue down this path we're on I will eventually become a mean and bitter person. He chose to put me first when he married me and he was going to begin acting like it.
Surprisingly he agreed to what I said. He said that when SD11 comes tomorrow night (the other 2 older kids go with their dad, so it's just us, the baby and SD) we will sit down and have a chat. DH wants to say " This is my wife and partner, she is never going anywhere, you need to start behaving better when you're here. I will no longer let you act rudely toward her, if you can't behave then you can't come here."
This all sounds good in theory, however I expect that SD will jump up from the table and run to her room screaming and slam the door. DH asked me if I would reconsider making the dress for the end of year dance. I said that if she can sit in the chair for 5 minutes and act civil I would. I also told him that I will not accept her apology as it's meaningless, instead I will tell her that she can show she's sorry by her actions. Also, I am under no obligation to do anything for her and although I will make the dress, if her behaviour doesn't change I will stop doing anything for her.
Really, I probably shouldn't even make the dress but DH really wants me to try to get along. I made sure he understands that it is the last thing I'll ever do for her if she doesn't change her ways. I have tried enough and I'm done with that. However if SD's willing to try abit then so am I.
Unfortunately for me I am generally a nice person and have a hard time staying mad. It does take alot to upset me but I have certainly had enough bs from these 2.