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O/T, Do you ever feel like your DH is a Flaming Idiot

24 years as a SM's picture

I swear there are times that I think that DH doesn't have the brains that God gave a goose. This time every year, it's like the movie Groundhog Day. We live in a rural area with ten acres of land, because of all the fire dangers, we cut back a lot of the brush and overgrowth. Every year, I have to remind him to be careful in one section, due to the poison oak, and to wash his hands before going to he bathroom. Every year, DH says "Don't worry, I am fine, I don't have a problem with poison oak." IDIOT, you are mildly allergic to the stuff. So it's the same thing this year too, the idiot has poison oak rash on his face, arms, of course the jackass didn't listen and wash his hands before going pee, on his privates.

It's bad enough to have him scratches his balls once and awhile, as DH calls it, he's adjusting them to a comfortable position. But now he looks like a prevert walking around with both hands in his pants, scratching away. I made sure to get the poison oak cream before he even started this project, because I just knew that he would do the same thing again this year.

Is this a man thing or is it just my DH?

Karma for SD, SD36 was over and trying to show off to her fiance, that she always helps DH with clearing the property and both SD and fiance got into the poison oak. Yes, I am being an evil SM, I wasn't home at the time, otherwise SD would not have been here.

Comments

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Oh, lord. I'm sorry, but I am laughing my arse off at the visual!

My DH is not like that but I know other men who are. Tell him to try some unscented lotion on his itchy sack. ~snorty~

Karma, indeed!!

24 years as a SM's picture

I swear the man doesn't learn, 20+ years of the same thing every year.

Just to be more evil I hid the poison oak creme to where DH couldn't find it, until I got home and SD36 & SDF had already left.

TwoOfUs's picture

All the time. 

In fact, I was just thinking that and then logged onto Steptalk. 

My DH has zero, zero...negative financial sense. And I'm so exhausted by it...turning toward rage-ful. 

24 years as a SM's picture

I feel for you. It took years to get through DH's head, just because you have money in pocket, doesn't mean you have to spend it. This drove me nuts. MY DH, the Flaming Idiot, use to think the debit card was a credit card, that we could pay it off at the end of the month. It took me months to get it through his head that he was taking money from the checking account for all our bills, to buy crap that he didn't need.

simifan's picture

I agree with aniki.  I'm sitting at my desk laughing my ass off. Tell him we said thanks for the laugh. 

24 years as a SM's picture

DH is a long haul trucker, he's out on the road until Friday. Every night he calls and complains about itching, all I do is sit there and snicker.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Tell him to sit on an ice pack?? ~snort~

Seriously, though... He can buy some Benadryl CAPSULES, cut them open and extract the powder, add a teeny bit of water, and make a paste for his itchy sack. Excuse me....

 

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thinkthrice's picture

about Poison Ivy on my property.  I am allergic to it somewhat but Chef needs full blow steroid shots.  You can buy the barrier cream on amazon and the soap that removes the plant's oils from the skin as well.   But yeah, they never learn. 

 

https://www.amazon.com/Tecnu-Original-Poison-Outdoor-Cleanser/dp/B0034CZ...

https://www.amazon.com/Tecnu-Extreme-Poison-Scrub-Removes-4-ounce/dp/B00...

 

Merry's picture

My DH once trimmed stickery bushes wearing shorts and sandals. He looked like a homicide victim when he was done. Another time he cut the grass in shorts (commando) and sandals. Ran over a hornets nest and those boogers got him head to toe, including his privates.

Sympathy? Zero.

24 years as a SM's picture

I think your DH and mine are related, DH was using the riding mower and did the same thing with a hornets nest. There;s just not a lick of sense in my DH sometimes.

thinkthrice's picture

of ground bees, etc. as I'm CEO of the Lawn Dept.  I have only an acre but it is very rural next to a swampy woodland.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

I think too much testosterone makes you stupid. Add that to a fragile ego, and you get my DH. 

He spent his life thinking swagger would see him through anything. And you can't tell him ANYTHING, because he's a maaaaan and so bullheaded. It's only in the last few years that he's been able to utter the words "You were right."

24 years as a SM's picture

With the testosterome, My DH thinks his Mr. Know It All, every time he finds out he's wrong and mentioned it, I just smirk at him.

Sometimes he will start spouting off about something and I will give him a look of WTF, and he will stop mid sentence. He has said that I don't have to say a word, it's jus tthe look and he knows that he's wrong or about to be smirked at.

momjeans's picture

In some ways, areas, yes.

I firmly believe because DH was raised in a conservative southern baptist church that it seriously stunted the common sense part of his brain, and prevented him from forming a BS Meter. 

I notice it in skid, too, and again I blame the dumbing down aspect of their religion. 

Sometimes I have to break things down for DH, and then he’s like “Ohhhhhh. Okay.” 

FFS. 

24 years as a SM's picture

DH is this way too, but he was born and raised in San Francisco. he was the youngest of 8 kids and never had to think about doing anything, because all his old siblings took care of anything for him. He was very sheltered from everyday life and never had to deal with a lot of issue, because someone else would take care of it.

Trying to explain interest vs principle for a home loan to him, is like talking to a wall, even dumbing it down, doesn't compute with him.

Ispofacto's picture

My DH is actually a mensa genius, but he has the common sense of a rock and seems unable to draw logical conclusions.  Maybe he's just stubborn, dunno.  Some men just can't admit they are ever wrong or need help.

beebeel's picture

My DH has blown through not once, not twice, but THREE times, a screen door. Each time was at a different property. He crashed through them like the Kool-Aid man, tearing them off their tracks. Stone cold sober. My DH is to screen doors as birds are to glass. I don't think he can see them? I'm tempted to tape the patio and deck screen doors so I don't have to replace them...again. 

I feel ya sister lol.

fairyo's picture

This wins the prize for funniest post ever!! It will keep me laughing all evening. The X assured me that when we went to buy a new wasing machine, that it would fit because he doesn't need to measure anything- you got it! We had to send it back and get another- he once came off the motorway on the way home and took the wrong turn off, and finished up back on the motorway- not funny at all, I wasn't allowed to laugh but sniggered as it took us hours to get home!

He's a prize idiot anyway for not wanting fabulous me in his life!

Maria10's picture

Lol...I dont have a problem with poison oak!

Hillarious!!

At least he does something around the house....