Advice please
I am a brand new step mom. In this first year together, I have been kicked, spit at, attacked with scissors, called names. Some times supported and protected by DH, and the times he didn't I went crazy wondering what I was doing wrong! We are in counseling for parenting coaching. It is slow going. I am not even sure what to ask for, except that I will not tolerate being abused by SD(13). Just like the others above me ^^^, this once sweet woman is becoming more bitter and hostile as the days go on. I love my DH so very much! I could never have children and was so glad to take on step children. But I never expected what I got. Can't say no to SD(13) without her losing it. She is used to getting her way. I was raised so strict and can't even fathom the disrespect she gives her dad... not to mention myself.
Can you give advice what to ask for while in counseling to have a better chance of our marriage surviving this? Because of my love for DH, I am finding myself not making choices to benefit myself. I just lay down like a doormat. Little by little, I am becoming numb and withdrawing. I find it is affecting the relationship with my husband. I believe the bitterness is keeping us from connecting the way we used to. I don't know what to do.
Bless you in advance for sharing from your experience.
BTDT. SD15 made the entire
BTDT. SD15 made the entire house miserable. No real advice here with the counseling. We tried and all it did for us was cause us to fight harder. Also, I wasn't able to shake what was said in the sessions for days.
She finally sued us to live with BM fulltime. We spent so much on lawyers and it is still not over. But, she hasn't been in this house for over a year now. Her name doesn't come up. We still have SS12 50/50 and he is happy here with her gone. Life is good now...
Not the answer you would like, I am sure. But, nothing worked to make that kid happy. We kept trying, but she was a PIA and it just got worse.
My marriage barely survived and is still a work in progress because of the damage she and BM did.
Ggod luck. Just stand firm and do not tolerate disrespect from her.
Stop trying to parent and
Stop trying to parent and focus on your marriage. If SD doesn't respect you, she doesn't get any type of attention from you. Good or bad. If she is being disrespectful, stay away from her. Let your husband deal with her.
I hope the parenting coaching is going well, but I don't think you are the one who needs it. Maybe BM and DH were too permissive for too long. They have to reel her in now.
To be honest, if I were
To be honest, if I were attacked physically by my SD, I would not allow her to come for any more visits until I was confident that this was not likely to happen again. You have an absolute right to feel safe from this kind of thing in your own home.
I would negotiate in counselling, and get your DHs agreement, that if any of this goes on, this girl is barred from your home for a specific number of weeks, so that her violent behaviour is seen by her to have consequences. Also, neither of you should accept her talking to you disrespectfully. She wouldn't want to be spoken to this way - why should you? Send her out of the room until she can speak to you civilly.
My first marriage ended because I did not have a bottom line, allowed myself to be emotionally abused, and finally turned from loving to feeling nothing for my ex, and eventually left him, much to his surprise - I had always been so accepting of all the c**p he threw my way!