We all whine.....
Forums:
...and it is great to know I am not alone, but I need answers too. 8 y.o. SD runs so hot and cold with me. Do I just take what I get when she is friendly and ignore when she is not acting like she knows me. I know she will never love me really other than like someone who is married to her dad and it is normal to feel conflicted for her, but being SM is a lot of work too and it is hard spending so much of my life with her and just being 'blown off'. Should I not feel like I should go to her school activities - is it important that I support that in the long run. It is all so frustrating. Any good book ideas?
I am reading this great book
I am reading this great book entitled "Stepmonster" It's the best book I've ever read. It has been very freeing for me to understand that this whole situation isn't probably ever going to be all storybook endings and happy rainbows.
The best piece of advice that I can give is to understand that the skids aren't your responsibility. They are your DH and his ex-wife's. What they were, what they are and what they will become is up to them (DH and BM). Not to say that you don't love them (the skids) and be kind to them, just like you would your nieces and nephews. But, that's the line. If you wouldn't try to interfere if it were your nieces and nephews, then don't try to interfere with the skids.
It's hard because as women we all want to nurture, but we don't have to nurture someonelse's child. Plenty of children get raised just fine without my help, as a SD posted a few days ago. Amen.
My SS14 does the same thing your SD does when his BM is around. He just doesn't know how to like me in front of her because she makes him feel guilty for doing so. Disassociate from it and try not to take it personally. Hard to do, but it gets easier if you try not to see them as your kids.
Good luck ~
MR