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Can someone please offer me some advice--New to this Site.

Ab_SM's picture

Submitted by Ab_SM on Tue, 03/30/2010 - 6:44pm

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Blended Family Issues

Iam a SM, I have 2-SS, 10, 11 and 1-SD, 12, It has been really hard lately. The BM is in prison so my DH has full custodial rights. I constantly get attitude from the Oldest SS, SD, the younger SS is so close to me. Everytime the visit their BM in prison they come home with this horrible, disrespectful attitude. Let's just say as if they are better than everyone else. Their BM acts like that but the funny thing is, she is in prison. Anyway, I feel bad for my Skids because everytime they have a visit they would always have to tell her about My husband and I, for their whole visiting time. The 12yo SD, is a pathological lier, like her mother and makes up fairy tales and tell them to her BM. None of it is true or it's an overexaggerated version. It takes them about a month to recover, from visiting her and warm up again in our happy home. So, my husband decided to test the situation, My SD had poor grades and My SS were so-so.He didn't allow them to visit her for a whole mo. and more, and within that period of time, Their report cards came out amazing, They were honor students. Do you believe that? With out all that emotional BS, they came out to be honor students, that told me something, That Me being a SM, with my husband we have a very stabled household. I am just worried about when they see their BM again, I hope and pray they pass in school and not have to deal with all her hatred for me the SM, and my husband. What do I do? I brought this to my husbands attention, but he said he could care less about the BM anyway. I don't know, I feel bad, but I don't you know? some advice please?

DISbelief's picture

Submitted by DISbelief on Tue, 03/30/2010 - 6:51pm

So, if your husband tested it, and their grades and attitude improved when they weren't seeing her, then why does he continue to take them there? Doesn't he see the effect it has on them?

I think the behavior is probably normal for kids in this situation. I don't have first hand experience, but I can imagine your mom being in prison would have some serious effects on kids emotions, behaviors, and grades. I am sure they are insecure about it, and that is why they make up the fairy tale stories. Have you considered putting them in counseling at all? Is BM locked up for a long time, or is she due out in the near future? Is DH required to take them to visit by court order? Or does he do this at their request?

DISbelief~

~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~ Wink

Ab_SM's picture

Submitted by Ab_SM on Wed, 05/26/2010 - 4:11pm

i

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Tue, 03/30/2010 - 7:35pm

These kids should be in therapy. It's so tough on any kid to have to see their parent in a prison. If I
might ask, what is she in for?

Please push your DH to get these kids some good professional help.

MarriedwithChild's picture

Submitted by MarriedwithChild on Wed, 03/31/2010 - 9:09am

I agree. They are kids and in "their" way, they are NOT happy with the prison situation and are just displaying it perhaps in not the best fashion.

Sounds like they really need to, "get it out" with someone who will listen and understand their pains and worries. That must be hell visiting your own BM, in prison.

Best,