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Being consistent is not important to my DH.....

tankh21's picture

Submitted by tankh21 on Fri, 03/09/2018 - 7:41am

YSS brought his blanket out to the couch last night and was watching TV. So around 9:30 pm I tell DH that TV is still blasting in the living room. All of the sudden I hear in a really soft spoken voice my DH trying to wake SS up and telling him to go to bed. The kid was pretending he was sleeping so he could get away with sleeping on the damn couch again. So my DH goes outside for something. SS is still on the couch with the TV blasting I go over to the couch turn off the TV and in a stern voice I tell SS to go to bed now! He says ok and gets up and goes to bed. I told DH he thinks that he can away with things with you because you try to enforce something and aren't consistent with it and these kids are going right back to doing the same thing a few weeks later.

I know that this is my DH's fault and not the kids but we made a rule no sleeping on the couch and in bed by 9:30 on school nights so I am sticking to it because I am tired of dealing with SS thinking he can get away with things. Plus he needs to get a good night's sleep.

I just think it's funny how my DH tells him and he doesn't listen to him and I only have to once and he listens. My DH says that it's not good if your kids fear you. Well I disagree I had a little bit of fear instilled in me and I turned out ok. So I told my DH to stop coddling his kid. I said that making the kid go to bed at a certain time and sleep in his own bed every night it's not abuse.

Comments

nengooseus's picture

Submitted by nengooseus on Fri, 03/09/2018 - 7:59am

The two of you really have to get on the same page about his kids.  You can make all the rules and be consistent about them all you want, but as long as your DH is afraid of his kids, nothing will come of them unless you're doing it, and they're not your monkeys!

tankh21's picture

Submitted by tankh21 on Fri, 03/09/2018 - 8:34am

I know that we need to be on the same page but I don't think that we will ever be. I don't want the kid in the common area because I don't want to deal with that in the morning.

nengooseus's picture

Submitted by nengooseus on Fri, 03/09/2018 - 9:20am

be on the same page then you will always have this issue and your resentment will grow and grow. 

You know that the real issue here with with your DH.  

You can't force your DH to man up and deal with this, and these kids aren't your monkeys.  The only thing you can really do (other than rage everytime) is stop caring what the skids do.  It's a pain to deal with them in the AM?  Then don't.  If they leave a mess, they (or DH) needs to clean it up.  If they're still sleeping in the common area when you're getting ready for the day, then the poor little snowflakes might get woken up. Yeah, they need their sleep, but they have a room for that, right?

You need to be looking for ways to make this arrangement work for you rather than looking at all the ways it doesn't if you want to stay in the situation.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Submitted by Exjuliemccoy on Fri, 03/09/2018 - 8:51am

I think a little bit of fear is essential in order to raise kids who arent self absorbed snowflakes.

beebeel's picture

Submitted by beebeel on Fri, 03/09/2018 - 9:29am

You need to turn your stern voice to your husband. Stop being the "heavy" with the kid. Your husband is never going to parent if he can so easily get you to do it for him. 

notsobradybunch's picture

Submitted by notsobradybunch on Fri, 03/09/2018 - 9:37am

My DH is the exact same way. Raised SD17 thru "guilty parenting"..I don't want her to fear me BS. Now he's got a a kid thats ran off with a boy & dropped out of high school because he didn't want to be too tough. It all comes back around. Kids need boundaries. I've said this a million times to my DH. Never did he think it was appropriate. I know he's second guessing his parenting now.

tankh21's picture

Submitted by tankh21 on Fri, 03/09/2018 - 10:21am

I also think that kids that are disrespectful towards adults will have problems launching when they are adults as well. I certainly don't want man child skid's in my house playing video games all day. I have told my DH this as well but I can just see it now. YSS living with us for free not having a job and my DH will be ok with it. HELL TO THE NO!!!

DaizyDuke's picture

Submitted by DaizyDuke on Fri, 03/09/2018 - 12:25pm

DH says that it's not good if your kids fear you Bad

Right?  I totally agree with your DH!  I mean I'd much rather be my kids bestest friend and treat him like the special little snowflake that he is, and make him think that he is the bestest kid in the world, and can do no wrong because that totally prepares a kid for the real world.   All his teachers and bosses and coworkers will be his bestest buddies too and life will just be full of unicorns and lucky charms and smiling emojis for him. 

What a freaking idiot your DH is. Wacko

AshMar654's picture

Submitted by AshMar654 on Fri, 03/09/2018 - 2:26pm

I am totally ok instilling some fear in kids and so is my SO. I want SS to fear us a little. When he is with friends and especially when he gets older I want his thought to be, "No , I can't do that my mom or dad will beat me when I get home." Not literally but you all know what I mean.

It is how we all grew up and learned. I feared disappointing my mom at times. Your DH lives in lala land.