I've written for advice from time to time over the last few years. Things get better for awhile but when things get worse, I always come here for advice because no one truly understands my life better than the people on this site. DH & I are married almost 12 years. My two children are the oldest and do not live with us. His oldest daughter has always lived far away from us but is currently living with us. She is 22 years old. But then it comes to the two youngest who I have just about helped raise but of course, get no credit for that. My SS is now 20 years old. Due to him not being able to live with me any longer, he moved out a few weeks before he graduated from high school two years ago. It was only during this time and maybe a little bit before that I think the light finally came on in my DH's head. Before that, he was always defending SS no matter what he did to me. A counselor that SS was seeing in elementary school told me that SS would do everything possible to break up my marriage and he did just that but DH has always had blinders on. I have left several times for a few days just because I needed a break but I didn't want my marriage to be over especially over a little shit like SS. He has told so many lies to so many people especially family about me that I am seen as the bad guy. When people try to talk to me about him, I shut it down by telling them you haven't lived in my house or been in my shoes. I'm tired of people telling me how he was a child and didn't know what he was doing. That's BS. He knew exactly what he was doing. When he moved out, he told everyone it was all because of me. So two months after moving out and two weeks after graduating high school, he comes to tell us that he is sorry but anytime we try to talk about specific things, he changed the subject because that wasn't really why he stopped by. He really wanted to tell us he got engaged. He got married a few weeks later and then shipped off to the military. Now, he and his wife are finished and it's all her fault. (Nothing is ever his fault.) He is going on deployment at the end of January so he came to town to hang out with his family. Keep in mind, we've heard hardly anything from him in two years. Her family lives in the same town and he's been "home" plenty of times and never wanted to hang out with any of us. When DH first told me that he had contacted him wanting to come hang out with us, I asked where is he going to stay. I think that shocked my DH at first. But I don't want this kid in my house. Heck, I had to BEG for a lock to be put on my office and on my bedroom door while he was still living here during high school because he was going through my stuff and taking things constantly. I had to fight DH for that. I shouldn't have to live like that in my own house. But now, DH is pissed at me because I won't allow SS in our house or on our property. He even tried to make me feel guilty saying what if he gets killed when he goes off on deployment? Really, you are trying to make me feel guilty because I don't want to see him after all the shit he put me through? He has never supported me or taken up for me when it comes to his kids. They are allowed to treat me any way they please. He has always felt sorry for them especially SS because their mother died when he was six years old. He has parented out of guilt and SS knew just how to play him and always has. So I resent DH for allowing his kids to treat me like crap and he resents me because as I nicknamed myself a long time ago, I'm yet again being the BBB - Big Bad Bitch. SS made my life hell for years and I thought him leaving would finally make things better in my marriage. I honestly thought they were better for awhile but now, I'm not so sure if the damage hasn't already been done. I told him several times now that I would NEVER stop or interfere in his relationship with his son but just don't ask me to have one cause I'm done. Not sure what the future holds anymore...Does anyone else's DH still feel like y'all can be one happy family and refuse to just let it go?
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