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Dreading the thought of a "family" Spa-Day

Disillusioned's picture

Submitted by Disillusioned on Fri, 07/08/2016 - 11:43am

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Adult Stepchildren

YSD wants a "family spa day" next week, two days before the wedding

She has included everyone from her future MIL and future SIL, to myself her SM

I do not want to go to this Sad

I love going to the spa of course, and have treated YSD many times there in the past, and I really like her future MIL - she's a great lady and it would be fun to spend the day with her and YSD, her YSD's STB SIL (she's a rather shy, nice girl) but of course BM and OSD will be there too (doesn't look like DH's sister is going/not even sure if she was invited)

The problem is, I find it so hard to say no to YSD

If it were OSD, no problem - not that she would ever invite me to something like that anyway LOL - but YSD is so good about those things, and really tries to be good to me, hate to let her down

At least there are other females there other than BM and OSD, so that will hopefully make it bearable. Still don't want to go, but can't see how I can back out of it when YSD is so excited and made it clear she really wants everyone including me there. If this weren't for her wedding, I would have a much easier time saying no

20YearsAsAStep-Mom's picture

Submitted by 20YearsAsAStep-Mom on Fri, 07/08/2016 - 11:52am

This is a tough one for sure. On one hand you want to go and like YSD but on the other hand BM and OSD will be there. I know I could never put myself through this- especially at a spa where you are down to bare skin and vulnernable - in a robe perhaps?

The fun part of this day will be spoiled by OSD and you know it - so don't go.

TwoOfUs's picture

Submitted by TwoOfUs on Fri, 07/08/2016 - 12:12pm

This is a tough one. I've done stuff like this for my YSD, who I get along with very well. Once I did a joint 13th bday party for her with her BM. Wasn't terrible...wasn't great fun, either... Beee

Disillusioned's picture

Submitted by Disillusioned on Fri, 07/08/2016 - 1:28pm

That's what I'm thinking LOL, really bad cold...however then I'll have to explain my miraculous recovery two days later at the wedding! Sad

Ya that whole walking around naked thing with BM (or OSD) no way yuk yuk yuk haha, no this is just a simple mani pedi with maybe a little wine (which will definitely be needed!)

Journey Perez's picture

Submitted by Journey Perez on Fri, 07/08/2016 - 2:18pm

Just suck it up and go. I've been in those situations plenty of times and as much as I dreaded going, I went anyway and had a nice time, even if it meant dealing with BM. Sometimes we have to do things that we don't want to do in this blended family hell. It wont kill you and YSD will remember that you were there and that's all that matters.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Submitted by Exjuliemccoy on Fri, 07/08/2016 - 2:29pm

You aren't required to participate in every single pre-wedding event. YSD may be a bride, but as an adult surely she realizes that we all have busy lives?

You've been a really, REALLY good sport about everything leading up to this wedding. Give yourself a little gift and tell her sorry, but you have another commitment.

notsobad's picture

Submitted by notsobad on Fri, 07/08/2016 - 2:49pm

I think it's really nice of YSD to include you. So often SMs are excluded from this type of thing. I understand how hard it is to be around the others and that they get pleasure from making you feel uncomfortable but I think you should go.

I don't know what the spas are like there but here, you are only with other people for a few minutes as you wait for your treatment. You don't have to sit near or talk to the people you don't want to.
You have to change with them but hopefully the spa is large enough that you can get some space or go early and be in the waiting room as they change.
I think I'd stay out of the group sauna and steam rooms but go and try to enjoy the massage.

Disillusioned's picture

Submitted by Disillusioned on Fri, 07/08/2016 - 3:18pm

That makes sense monkeyskids....definitely thinking about that too, thanks!

Disillusioned's picture

Submitted by Disillusioned on Fri, 07/08/2016 - 3:24pm

notsobad you got me thinking....BM and OSD may not even have the same treatments as me, I'm only getting getting a manicure and pediure and while YSD is getting the same manicure as me, a lot of the ladies are getting massages, so hopefully I won't be anywhere near BM and OSD except for maybe when we arrive

Thanks for all the feedback ladies, I'm going to suck it up and go, will send an update LOL

notsobad's picture

Submitted by notsobad on Fri, 07/08/2016 - 3:58pm

I hope it goes well and you don't feel too left out. It sucks that BM and OSD go out of their way to make you feel uncomfortable, but it sounds like YSD tries, in the best way she knows how, to make up for it.

Regardless of what happens, just smile and be kind. That's what people will remember.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Sat, 07/09/2016 - 8:37am

Oh you go, you go and you have fun. But go loaded for bear. If BM or OSD so much as twitch out of alignment with reasonable behavior you bare their asses immediately and brutally.

"This is about YSD so you two need to knock off your toxic and petty crap or you need to leave. I will not allow you to ruin this for YSD and I will not tolerate your usual toxic vendetta against me. Zip your lips of hit the road."

still learning's picture

Submitted by still learning on Sat, 07/09/2016 - 10:19am

Tell them you started your monthly, have heavy bleeding/cramping and need to stay home to nurse it with some Midol and wine.

Perhaps pre-purchase YSD a special service that the spa offers to help smooth things over.

Learn to bow out gracefully now or you're in for decades of hell.

Disillusioned's picture

Submitted by Disillusioned on Sat, 07/09/2016 - 8:31pm

I hear ya StepAside but the difference is, I do like my YSD...and I really do feel I owe it to her to oblige with this.

She's not at all like BM, OSD, or DH's sister. YSD makes an effort to be sweet, polite and respectful. She tries very hard to treat me exactly what she refers to me as, her "other Mom"

I noticed she picked the same services as me, and I think we are the only two just getting a manicure and pedicure. BM and OSD hopefully will be getting massages or facials and not even in the same room. And as for SD's STB MIL and SIL, they're super nice people so no problem there

If I get stuck with BM and OSD and they behave like jerks, well that is on them, and at least I can feel good about not letting YSD down, and being the class when her own blood family couldn't keep it together, even if only for her sake