Each year he never receives a card--not even a phone call. I feel for him.

He and I are in therapy and it's been a Godsend! He is well aware I am disengaging. One area, Facebook, my SDs NEVER responded to anything and I post my photography all the time. Since disengaging in April, the older one has been making nice comments. I continue to ignore and do not respond. I know this may sound petty to some, but I have been hurt over and over and over again.

I'm a very outgoing and compassionate person, so this is tough for me. But, I'm also intelligent and I know, no matter what they do or say, I will not trust either SD ever again. The straw that broke the camel's back was when the younger SD decided to get pregnant with an unemployed man(no car, no nothing, no education and was fired from his last job) who already has one toddler (for which he doesn't support) and JUST had a newborn a couple months ago---from ANOTHER woman! Within 8 weeks of that birth, he and SD got pregnant. But, she thankfully lost it. However, the two of them proudly stated: we're trying again. This SD already has a young son and cannot afford him! We have paid a LOT over the years to support her and she blew through an inheritance of 85,000 in 2 years....yet, says we NEVER did anything for her. We paid her way through nursing school and husband put a down payment on her car (he co-signed the loan behond my back!) Don't think that wasn't discussed in therapy!

The older one? She has ignored us for 15 years. Last year, I held out the olive branch and invited she and her family to our summer home. She came with her 3 kids for a week. I took the kids out clamming, in the boat...it seemed like a nice time.At Christmas, I sent about 5 beautifully framed photographs of her children from the trip. She didn't even send us a card. Never received a phone call or a note that she received them! But the kicker? She had all three kids write a special thank you note from last summer's trip which stated: Dear Grandpa, thank YOU for inviting us to YOUR summer house. No mention of me at all. So, they will not be invited back. I am done. After 20plus years of being called the witch, being ignored, and trying so hard to mend fences, I have decided it is over. My husband fully supports me in this. I have told him I'm more than happy for him if HE wants to invite them to the summer house, but I will not be there. He is ok with that. The biomother is close to the two SDs and never misses a chance to inject poison.

I am most grateful to all of you. You have helped me to stay disengaged. I appreciate your listening to me and your compassion. By staying in this forum, you are helping me, more than you know, to maintain this boundary. We all WISH we coudldmake it better. Unfortunately, if you understand the dynamics of adult stepchildren, it is crystal clear that nothing will ever change the poison they spew at us.I'm an eternal optimist, BUT, these dynamics will NOT change....ever. So, those of you wishing it would, please know it does not change with time. Don't waste your energy, don't rent out space in your mind even thinking about them. Focus on YOUR life and happiness...and, maintain those boundaries. It will save your sanity.