I'm not alone
I am new to this site, and after reading some of the posts here, I so happy that I'm not alone in disliking my stepchildren. I have 3 of them SD9, SS10, SS11. The boys have 1 mom and the girl has another. We have had SD full time since she was about 10 months old. Her mother left her, returned when she was 5, left again for a couple of yrs, tried to get full custody (which my fiance already had), and now gets her every other weekend by court order. She has another son (10) whom she left when he was a baby,and just had another kid. She can't leave this one because the father moved out of the country. My SD is just like her mother and always has been. Sneaky, manipulative, lies constantly, super lazy, very bad hygiene and has no common sense, but she is an honor student.
My SS's just moved in with us in Sept because their mom was going through a divorce and couldn't take them, She also has 2 daughters who also don't live with her. She is a supposed to get them on the weekends and now she always says she can't take them because she has to work. She has never worked before and always depended on a man to support her. She is about 29 yrs old. If the weekends are the only time she gets to see her sons, you would think she would find a different job. She is enjoying her freedom at my expense. Anyway, the boys are also very book smart,and on the honor roll but have no common sense either. The oldest is just like my SD. Sneaky, manipulative, and constantly lying, and just not interested in anything but video games. They will keep lying even after I catch them in the first lie. I hate liars.
My biological son died 1 yr ago. He was 12 when he died and would be turning 14 in feb. He was my only child. He was the best. I always had him involved in sports all yr long and he was a great athlete. He had better sense then me most of the time. I could have a normal conversation with him and he was so funny. My step kids are very bland and boring. They have no sense of humor nor the ability to have a normal conversation. I have so much anger for so many reasons. Why am I stuck raising these other kids?!
I am so glad that I found this site. It feels great to know that I am not alone.
monaclare, I am so sorry
monaclare, I am so sorry about your son. I can't imagine a worse thing for a parent.
My ss is 24 and he makes me crazy too. Lived with us for a year and thought I'd lose my mind. Sme thing, lazy, selfish, lies. (He's currently in some serious therapy so I hope he learns how adults should behave.) I'd like to tell you it gets better, but... I guess I'm lucky I didn't marry my DH until the kids were out of the house, or so we thought.
Anyway, what happens when you catch the steps lying? Consequences? Sounds like you need some house rules including ones about hygiene. Gross.
Mona, I am truly sorry for
Mona, I am truly sorry for your loss.
Your post sounds like you are angry because your son was taken away from you and you now have to deal with your skids. It isn't a good idea to compare them though. They are all different and have been raised different and all have different personalities.
Of course you aren't alone. You will find an array of men and women here who have been through so many different situations, that at least someone will have gone through something similar and you both can identify with each either.
Welcome, I hope to see more of you here
Giana222, I could not agree
Giana222, I could not agree more.
Monaclare I have a 12 year old boy we are so close. I just couldn't imagine what you went through and still going through losing your boy. I believe like Gianna222 that you're choosing not to like your skids because of the loss of your son...like you'd be doing a betrayal of love for him by getting close to these other kids.
My heart goes out to you. We are a place for stepmoms but lots of us are moms too so if you'd like to talk about your boy by all means do. But only if you're comfortable dear. I'm glad you've found this site
Monaclare, Oh you are so not
Monaclare,
Oh you are so not alone. I could have typed your letter. My son is 11 and my daughter is 17. They are both smart, funny, athletic and well liked. I love spending time with them, we have great conversations and all genuinely like to spend time with each other.
I am so sorry to hear about your son. I can't imagine how difficult it is for you and I'm sending you a big {{{{{hug}}}}}. My SS is also 11 and my SD is 14. When you say:
"My step kids are very bland and boring. They have no sense of humor nor the ability to have a normal conversation. I have so much anger for so many reasons. Why am I stuck raising these other kids?!"
I know exactly how you feel. Both of my skids are blessed with great intelligence academically but have no ability to interact with people. Even though they both get good grades, they lie, manipulate and have horrible hygiene no matter how much my DH stay on top of it.
I have so much anger at this point I don't even know what to do with it. I'm resentful, I'm depressed because I feel so guilty for not being more tolerant and I'm just flat out ticked off. I'm very honest with my DH and I would love to say it helps to talk about it but I haven't found that to be they case. I feel like I just nag and try to make him see that his kids are not okay. Friends, family, neighbors and their therapist (which they don't see anymore) all said they have personality issues.
I wish so much I could give you some advice. With your loss, you deserve to have some peace in your own home and I wish I had an answer for you. I hope someone else here can give you some guidance on how to put the anger and resentfulness down because that's a heavy burden to carry. I'm still looking for the answer as well but at least you don't have to feel alone.
Thank you all for your
Thank you all for your comments. I do carry some anger because I no longer have my son. I do feel bad at times because it does feel like I'm nagging. My fiance and his and my family do see how they are and I do have support from everyone, although it wasn't always like this. There was a time when they thought I was being too hard on my SD. I stepped back and let them handle the issues and then they saw how it was. These are defintely their personalities. They are not disrespectful in any way, and my fiance and I are strict with them. Re: Hygiene, we do enforce being clean in every way, but my SD get her dirty habits from her mother (its in her genes). We just went through a phase of her urinating the bed at night because she was so lazy that she didn't want to get out of the bed to use the bathroom at night. She now does her own laundry and the bedwetting stopped.
Re:My son, I am getting alot of help and I also belong to another forum on a different site that helps me day to day. It's bereaved parents talking to other bereaved parents.
Thanks again!