First Ever Vent on SS15. Sooo Effing P!ssed.
I have always had a pretty good relationship with SS15.
Where in the hell did yesterday come from.
Starts off with.. he had a dental appointment yesterday as well as DS11 and SD8 SO I let him stay the whole day from school so I wouldn't have to drive 40 miles round trip..out of the way to pick him up from the JH school.
We went to pickup younger kids from school, I come back out to the car with the kids and he has my phone in his hand, hands it to me with the phone connected to my VM. "someone called and left a VM" I looked, no one called, He was just going through my voicemails. I noticed that I left my car charger at the house so stopped back by to grab it. SS came in to grab his iPad.
On our way to the city, He stops playing games on his ipad (I'm listening to the radio, 9mo loves car rides and loves the music) and turns music on, on his ipad and turns it up! Yeah.. it's a song I like but it's on the radio all the time.. I wait a minute (more like 10 sec, I'm already furious that he was listening to my voicemails).. and turn my radio up. SS changes the song on his ipad, the next song that came on the radio was the first song he was playing on his ipad.. I then start singing the lyrics to the song.. get bored with it and change the station. SS slams his ipad shut. Not even a minute later SS rips it back open and starts playing his game again. and the rest of the ride wasn't too bad until, we get to the city, He changes the station.. a song was playing that I was listening to. Oh.. you want to be a b!tch... so can I! I put in a Joplin CD. bahahahaha. he hated that. At the dentist, no problems.
On the way home.. minimal problems. I did have to stop for gas and he was upset that I wouldn't buy him something to drink. (I bought each of the kids drinks for the car, not my problem his was gone) I did get myself 4 monsters (they are cheaper at that gas station and I stock up when I go there) and he thought I was going to give him one of those. No, you don't need that and we will be home soon.
We get home and I start chili in the crockpot. EVERY TIME MY PHONE RANG.. HE RAN FOR IT! He picked it up, so I couldn't see who was calling and even answered it twice, not saying anything but handing it to me :jawdrop: I said "What if I don't want to talk right now, what if it's none of your business who is calling" His response "but I knew who it was" So you little effer! who cares if you know who it was.. it's MY phone. SS goes to his room for a little while only to come out here and there to pick on younger SD's (different BM) So I get onto him for that, SS knows how I feel about that, I am super protective over younger SD's b/c of everything they have been through and are still dealing with. SS also knows I would be the same way if it were him in their shoes... it has been. "Oh.. someone was just picking on you at the park.. get in the car now"!
Dinner time: DH worked late last night, no problem.. we can use the extra money. I told all kids to come in and eat after I set aside a bowl for DH.
I go into my bedroom to check on LO as she was taking a nap.. There is SS15 sitting on my bed watching Netflix with a big sloppy bowl of chili in one hand, wiping chili on his pants with the other. "SS15, you need to eat in the kitchen" grrr.. I'm ready to pull my hair out at this point and think I have taken my full amount of " as needed" Xanax already..I usually don't take them all in one day.
I talk to DH on the phone as he was on his way home, SS listening in from around the corner.. IDC.. I told DH the happenings of the day, DH said whatever I wanted to do he was backing me up and would have a talk with SS.
I just don't know where this all came from. Maybe b/c he spent the weekend with his BM a couple of weeks ago (only goes there about 4 times a year) He thinks he can come here and run things. He was definitely pushing all of the buttons he could with me yesterday. I'm usually very laid back when it comes to older SK's as they have been through a whole lot with their BM and then with their first SM whom would be the very PSYCHO BM of my younger SD's.
Thanks for letting me Vent.. Sorry it got long.
That's what I was thinking,
That's what I was thinking, normal teenage stuff.. I have already been through it with SS17 and SD19 just in different ways.
The phone thing really got to me though. My own kids don't even touch my phone. We were both in the kitchen and my phone was sitting by my purse and I was already going towards it, He ran for it, picked it up and turned it sideways so only he could see who it was before answering or reading my texts. When he would answer the phone, he didn't talk, he just hit accept call and handed it to me.
That's one of the other
That's one of the other things that ticked me off.. he has earbuds and very expensive headphones. I think he was just intentionally trying to get on my nerves. I have my order in for adult beverages for DH to pick up for me today.. and he better not touch because they are never here when I need them. lol.
I wondered that too but that
I wondered that too but that was shot down bc one of the calls he answered and handed to me was the school.. I didn't mind that one so much.. I always answer when it's from the school. It was from the high school though so it would have been for SS17 Not JH for SS15. hmmmm... rethinking.. I haven't heard anything about BM going to a conference or anything.. She never has before, Maybe it's time to schedule one. I check parent portal on the regular and his grades are pretty good.
Thank you for making me rethink that! He can be sneaky...
haha.. guilty of the same.
haha.. guilty of the same.
The ipad is school property
The ipad is school property so I can't take that but I can take his Galaxy.
He probably is.. I don't get it though. He was literally dropped off on DH's doorstep "you take him or he's going to the children's home"
The phone has a passcode.. I was on it right before going into the school.. he must have been playing with it the whole time I was in there.
Yeah, I'm with tommar. I
Yeah, I'm with tommar. I think he was expecting you to get a call about something that he would rather you not know about. Is he generally fairly honest? If so, I'd flat out ask him - "So who do you expect to be calling me that you're trying to keep me from talking to?" I'd also tell him not to touch your phone without permission or he loses the iPad for some length of time.
I think the rest of it was probably normal teenage crap that came because he's very nervous (possibly upset or angry) about that phone call he expects you to get. So he's acting out because he's got that pent-up emotion.
Good luck, hope you find out what's going on!
DH talked to him last night
DH talked to him last night and he worked late last night, I was in bed.. exhausted.
We plan to talk to him together today.
He hasn't been honest lately but before..yes he was. We will get to the bottom of it.. I will not deal with a mini version of SS17!
definitely will. All mail
definitely will. All mail gets sent to a P.O. Box so he can't touch that!
I'm with Sally...reaching for
I'm with Sally...reaching for MY phone? You get smacked for that! DH doesn't even answer my phone! I will come back in the room and he will tell me it was going off. Like some others said...sounds like he is concerned you are going to get a call about something he did or didn't do, and he is trying to head it off at the pass, so to speak.
As for the other stuff...maybe BM said something, and now he is trying to see what buttons he can push. Just a thought. SheSloth gets extra b***hy to me after being at BM's, and I know then that something was said about me there.
I just called and scheduled a
I just called and scheduled a meeting with his in school IEP. She knew of nothing he had been in trouble for and she would be the first to know so..
I think you are onto something with the BM thing. I haven't had any issues with her for about a year now but this BM has hated me since we were teenagers when DH had a severe crush on me. I had no clue. I wasn't interested in boys. LOL. She recently tried to take DH to court so she wouldn't have to pay CS anymore (bc that whopping $57 a month really does a lot, it does help though) Maybe she's mad that neither SS wanted to live with her. She can't get to DH so maybe she wants to try to make my life hell. It won't work in her favor.
I politely put her in her place a year ago and hadn't had an issue since then. So that is quite possible.. Who knows.
I know I could have handled
I know I could have handled it differently.. It really caught me off guard at first.
I did tell him he didn't need to mess with the phone and also let him know that I knew no one had called or left a VM as I also checked the deleted VM's. When he answered the phone and handed it to me the first time at home, I told him "what if I didn't want to talk to that person right now" His response " well I knew who it was" My response " that doesn't matter, what if I didn't want to talk right now" The second time he did it, it was to get at me.. so I did bring DH into it. Usually I can handle things between SS15 and myself. Yesterday was really unusual.
I have never had an issue like this with 15yo and it really shocked me. SS turned his volume up twice before I turned the radio up and I only turned the volume up once.. I didn't have to turn it up loud.. just to let him know that if I wanted to listen to what he was listening to I could have put on instead of what was already playing and it wasn't something he disliked. "he didn't bring his earbuds" which isn't abnormal.. usually they just play their games in the car.
So yeah.. I could have handled it better.. It was like I was dealing with a different kid than how he normally acts. DH and I plan to talk with him this evening to see if we can figure out what's going on and go over boundaries (which he already knows) but it seems we need to have a talk about it.
Ahhh, the post visitation
Ahhh, the post visitation detox. My Skid had this issue for the entire 17+ years of the CO. He also would start a pre-visitation behavioral degradation about a week before he left for Sperm Clan visitation. Post visitation detox lasted about 2-3 weeks.