BM's BF told SD4 he would spank her with his belt... = /
So today BM dropped SD off with me so i could take SD to school, cause BM has class. (I, personally, don't have a problem with Babysitting) SD, When home with us, is a very sweet little girl. Sure there are times where she throws tantrums, but nothing out of the ordinary for a 4yo.
When she is at BM's house its another story, it's like SD is a completely different kid. According to BM. BM has recently asked FDH and i if we would want to take SD FT and just allow her to see SD when she doesn't work for a few hours in the day. (I blogged about it last week)
ANYWAYS, SD comes home today, and as I'm getting her ready for school I asked her about her night, and asked if she was good for BM. SD told me that she was good last night, other than one time (she didn't specify) and she said that when she wasn't being good BM's live in BF told her that he was going to take his belt off and spank her with it.
I don't know about you all, but this sent up some major red flags for me. So I documented what SD said in our Schedule planner, and called FDH at work (after I dropped SD off at school) and told him what she had told me.
FDH gets oober stressed when BM calls him to tell him how horrible SD is with her, and after this he is SUPER stressed about SD going to BM's. Which is understandable.
My question is; What else can we do, other than Document?
FDH called BM and asked her about it, and she didn't deny it... though it was just a threat, and he didn't follow through, at least SD didn't say anything about him spanking her with his belt, and she didn't have any marks on her. I worry that BM and her live in will eventually follow through with the threat.
any advice?
THIS is what I don't get! Why
THIS is what I don't get!
Why would the court system allow a child to live or stay in a home where they live in fear? SMDH!
Why wait until the abuse is occurring or is already happening to do something about it?! I understand that they want kids to spend time with both parents, BUT at the same time why not be proactive?
I don't want to take SD from BM, though she is as dumb as a pile of rocks and her parenting skills are horrible, to say the least. A girl needs her mom, none the less.
But I just don't want FDH to worry, stress, or be anxious when SD isn't home, and I know that as long as BM is making poor parenting/life choices this will never go away. = /
No worries Beaccountable, my
No worries Beaccountable, my blood is boiling too.
FDH and I Have a no spank policy as well, we were both abused growing up, so we agreed that we would NEVER raise our hand(s) in anger towards our children. In the beginning of writing up the PP BM and FDH agreed that neither of them would spank SD, FDH has held true to this... BM has told FDH (through text, so we have proof) that she has spanked SD more than a handful of times, because she gets overwhelmed with SD's behavior when she is with her, and she just snaps I guess.
I have talked to my mom, who is trainging to become a gardianmulidum (sorry for the spelling) and she has told me that as long as BM just uses her hand there is nothing that we can do (court/report wise). And that threats about this kinds od things are not looked at by CPS.
FDH is irate! We get SD tomorrow for our 4 days, and this is when FDH is going to have a chat with BM and live in.
I agree that SP have no rights to discipline, I don't discipline SD when she is home and FDH is home too. That's daddy's job. But I have occasionally put SD in time out, for hitting, pushing ect. Then when FDH gets home and I talk to him about our days at home and the trouble (if any) the kids got into, if SD had to sit in time out he will talk to her about why, and tell her that she needs to listen when he is not home. If SD is having an 'off' day and is being a terror I will let her know that I'm calling FDH at work and that he will be coming home to deal with her. Usually she will stop with the tantrums and wineing when I pick up my phone. She doesn't want to upset FDH, not that he gets angry, he is more saddened by her behavior. SD just aims to please FDH. She doesn't like it when he gets upset with her actions.
BUT I think I mostly worry because when Live in Doesn't work on the week days SD is at home with him while BM goes to school, work ect. So SD has a lot of alone time with him. She has also came home and told us about a Monster game Live in plays when BM isn't home... When SD talks about it she is truly scared about staying alone with Live in. I don't think that he is abusing her (sexually/physically) SD has never said anything about it, and we have (and continue) talked about private parts, and good/bad touches, and she knows that she can talk to FDH and myself about anything. When I asked her why she doesn't like the game she just says that he scares her when BM isn't home, she has also said that when BM is home and Live in tries to play the Monster game BM tells him to stop and he complies.
I just can't believe that a grown man would think it's fun to scare a 4yo. With games OR with a threat to spank with an object.
I am Baffled!
What I don't get is HOW in
What I don't get is HOW in the HELL is it okay for an Adult to get a PPO when another Adult (or minor depending) threatens to hit them:
Whats that? Someone Threatened to hit you and you're scared that they will?
We're sending an officer over right now to escort them off your property... Oh, AND you want to Press charges? Okay no problem.
But a Child says and Adult threatened to hit them with an inanimate object, to inflict pain on the kid. Nothing happens:
So... your 4yo SD told you, her mom's BF said that he was going to spank her with his belt, and she doesn't want to be at BM's when BM is not home? Yeah, Unless you can show us that he is actually hitting her, We can't do anything.
I don't get it!
I know that some kids may fabricate a story to get someone in trouble, but; There are some Adults who fabricate stories for the same reason.
I just don't get it. SMH
Around here they won't do a
Around here they won't do a thing about that. Unless she was hit with the belt AND it left a mark, nope. Sucks but that's the way they are. Let's not kid ourselves, most child protective agencies don't actually give a shit about the kids.
Unfortunately, I have to
Unfortunately, I have to agree. CPS in my state is a joke.
Your DH can file a report
Your DH can file a report with protective services, unfortunately all that will happen is a talking to to BM and her BF. Until there's actual abuse or marks nothing can really be done. However, I know I won't say anything if your DH wants to go over there with his belt and teach him a lesson. That's inexcusable, and that BM should hang her head in shame for letting someone threaten her 4 year old with that. She also needs to step up and parent her child instead of getting outsiders to threaten her.
I can't believe your husband
I can't believe your husband hasn't talked to mom's BF about this yet. All he has to domis let him know what will happen to him if he touches his daughter.
FDH is saving he conversation
FDH is saving he conversation until tomorrow when he picks SD up...
It's one thing to threaten FDH, Which live in has done, But its another to mess with his kids. ESPECIALLY SD, because she goes from house to house and is never really with BM on her time he does everything in his power to protect her. Which is understandable, I would do the same if my DD's BD popped up from the abyss.
FDH will be having a nice little convo with Live in, and I KNOW that if anyone harmed one hair on SD's body it would be the end for them (or they'll wish it was)
I just can't believe that Live in would tell SD this KNOWING that FDH (6'3" 285lbs) Doesn't take shit when it comes to her. FDH and Live in have butted major heads when Live in and BM got together, FDH wanted to meet him (because BM had plans to move in with him after a month of dating) So understandably FDH wanted to know who this guy was. Dude has a MAJOR attitude problem, and doesn't have the brain to shut his mouth when he has gone too far.
I will suggest to FDH that when he talks to Live in and gets to the point of the chat, he start undoing his belt, as if he is going to beat him!!
I agree, But at the same time
I agree, But at the same time I don't know if we have anything against BM to take SD.
Like I said in a previous Comment, my mom is training to become a GAL. I have talked to her about what BM has said to FDH about not wanting SD anymore, and the most recent threat. She just told me that we can't do anything but wait for BM or for Live in to mess up. She has actually been telling me for the last two years, if you give BM enough rope she will hang herself... But honestly! how much Rope does she need?
It's like, I've seen BM go through the same cycle (I have documented EVERYTHING for the last three years, since FDH and I moved in together) and I was looking through the SD Schedule planners and it seems to me that every year about this time, when the weather starts changing BM goes Bat shit crazy! The last two years (not counting this year) she has said the same things about not wanting SD. FDH just tells her that if she doesn't want to deal with SD to bring her here, and all BM has to do is call FDH on days she doesn't work to see SD, if she wants to.
I know that she has not given up her rights to SD because she is too worried about what people will think about her. She doesn't care about SD's well being, if she had she would have said something to Live in when he threatened SD, OR she would have told FDH to talk to him. But no, nothing.
I don't get it, why have child(ren)(BM has a Son with Live in), If you're not going to protect them, or nurture them, and want to see them succeed?
BM has told FDH how she Prides herself on how much of a 'mamma bear' she is... Bitch Please. She must not know what it means to be a Mamma bear.
Not his kid, not his place.
Not his kid, not his place. BM needs to grow some tits and tell BF to shove off! I hate women who chose stupid men over their children. It makes me sick!
A 4yo isn't considered a
A 4yo isn't considered a credible witness. Just sayin'.
You can't do anything. When
You can't do anything. When SD7 was 4yo she told us that her SF (then BF at the time) on different occasions spanked her when her mom was at work. She's also told us he screams and threw her shoes at the walls and punched holes in the wall. Also he choked her mom one time. My DH took SD to the police station to have her talk to a Special Victim Psych professional. They said the SF might need some parenting classes but they didn't ever require it. Then they told DH that they can't do anything without proof, including a RO (marks on SD or video surveillance I suppose...). So they won't take any precautionary action, the child has to be visibly hurt to take action. Pisses me off.
It is in the CO that SD is
It is in the CO that SD is not to be spanked, and FDH and I have followed it. BM on the other hand.... She must think that she is untouchable by the courts. We had taken her to court because of it... SHE was the one who requested it be put in the CO.
But when we took her in they just gave her a slap on the wrist and sent us on our way. = / It was a complete joke, and waste of time.