Disengaging Backfiring?
So.....DH took the car away from SS17 and I have stated that I am not cooking for him or doing his washing. The problem is, he gets worse. The more you take, the less he has to lose so he just gets more angry and abusive and goes for it. He talks to me and about me in such a derogatory manner - refers to me as "madam" when he is talking about me to his father which I find sooooo offensive coming from a snotty spoiled teenager. I have to not look at him or speak to him so as not to set him off as he is looking for an argument. Last night I had to go out with DH and DS for football training because I am scared to be in the house alone with him in case he starts a fight or punches himself in the face and tells the police I did it (did similar once before).
I have no doubt he is off telling everyone that he is not being fed at home, and today he left for school with his washing in a bag - he's going to stay at GMs house and she will do it all for him, because apparently that's easier than sticking it in a washing machine and turning it on.
Rather than whip himself up some eggs and toast, he would rather eat tinned tuna and tell everyone that he is being denied food.
He is playing the sympathy card with everyone and making me out to be the bad guy because I won't be his personal slave and apparently it works when your mother died and you have a wicked SM.
It's not backfiring. I have
It's not backfiring. I have found that these spoiled teens will naturally retaliate against the disengagement. It's like, how dare we don't bow to them like their parents and everyone else!
The sob stories that SD15 tells is that I don't like her...that I hate her and/or she is afraid of me. The truth? I see through her BS and I don't let her walk all over me. I tell it like it is! When she rambles on about how amazing she is, I tune her out the best I can. Because I'm not feeding into her narcissism, I obviously hate her wish to do her harm or something.
As for food...SD15 went on a 4 month binge eating all the junk food she could get her hands on. She was just eating it to be eating it...not because she was actually hungry! I bought DH some crackers...he got a few crackers out of the box and made the mistake of telling SD15 that she could have SOME. Well, that to her means she has free range on the box, and the polished off the entire box in 2 days. Same thing happens with ANYTHING I get DH...ice cream, cookies, etc. So, I just stopped buying the stuff altogether. Now, BS19 works about 30-40 hours a week on top of school...and I try to keep some stuff in the house that he can throw in the microwave between school and work, and then when he gets home around midnight. I have to hide this stuff in the deep freeze, or SD15 will just eat it without any regard for BS19 needing anything to eat. Well, SD15 has eating disorders...so now, she is in her starvation/purge phase again. However, she is telling everyone that I'm the reason she doesn't eat...that I don't buy any food for the house!!! There is plenty of food...problem is, it is all healthy stuff. There is stuff for sandwiches (different kinds), cereal, salad stuff, fruit, etc. Most nights, I will make a healthy dinner. She doesn't want any food unless it is junk food! Saturday, right after I had gone to the store, SD15 is whining that she is hungry and that there was nothing to eat in the house...begging DH to go get her Sonic. There were some sausages in the fridge, as well as steak left over from the night prior, and plenty of stuff to make a salad (as well as the other things listed above). She just made a face and sat there, and ended up never eating. My SIL came buy around 8 to pick up SD15, and I can promise you that SD15 gave her some story as she asked if they could stop at McDonalds, saying there is never any food in the house and she is starving!
So yeah...when you have these spoiled brats, they like to tell lies to bring on the drama and the attention! I guess they figure if you won't bow to them, they need to find a way to get rid of you and replace you with someone who will.
Maybe he should go live with
Maybe he should go live with GM!! Does DH know your afraid of him?
Well I went to see my family
Well I went to see my family psychologist (we should keep her on a retainer) and basically I have to live with SS even though he is abusive and lies to get me into trouble. She recommended that when he comes home and DH is not here then I should leave the house so he can't accuse me of anything. Great, so I can't even live in my own house. I'm afraid he will pick a fight and goad me, as he does, and I might lose it at him if he blocks my way or anything, which I can't afford to have happen.
DH said he will come home from work straight away if he comes home anyway, fortunately he has his own business nearby otherwise it could be a nightmare.
The best bet is SS being persuaded to go into boarding at his school, or ask his GPs to take him (again). However if he refuses it seems I have to live here and put up with his BS until he turns 18 (11 months away and counting).
Apparently SMs have no rights even in their own homes! At least it appears as though not cooking for him is ok - as long as he has access for food in the house which he does.
If I could afford to I would move out with DSs but I can't and DH is not supportive of that idea.
I would surely move out if I
I would surely move out if I couldn't even be in my own home just because the "step" was home, and I had to be afraid of how their lies would affect me. Praying the GPs will take the kid again until he turns 18. You don't need this kind of stress!
I had this with my SS19 for a
I had this with my SS19 for a bit.....he told everyone that me and OH didnt feed him, that he couldnt wash or have clean clothes....and that I made him unwelcome and didnt want him there.....it was all for sympathy from the BM who didnt give a crap about him and BM's family......