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SS doesn't want to spend time with BM?

sbm014's picture

So we all talk about BMs not wanting Skids but at this point I am feeling bad for my SS.

Last night SS asked DH if he could come over today because he missed DH which understandable as DH is gone for 3 weeks at a time and on Wed he told DH he didn't want to go to BM but DH told him they had to follow the rules. DH said he could come over if it was today just not tomorrow because we have plans. Well SS asked something about who was at SFIL who has his son this weekend DH said something assuming that if we got SS he would spend the night and DH said you could hear BM say "I never said you could spend the night" in a snappy voice and SS hurried off the phone so I doubt we will see SS but it's just sad I don't mind if SS actually wants to come over I just don't like BM trying to push him off on us.

Well this morning DH got a call from BM saying SS wouldn't stop asking about coming over so we could take and even let him spend the night , DH agreed but said we would have to drop him off about 10 in the morning as we have plans - our anniversary day out.

DH then picks SS up from school today which was sad on its own it was 65 degrees at like 11 this morning mind you it is still 69 right now at 5:30pm and SS was in shorts and a tshirt I can only imagine how cold he was this morning - DH said he didn't even bring out a jacket though on Wed we sent at least a light jacket back to her house that he wore over here.

DH said that in the truck SS was asking why he couldn't stay tomorrow and DH said he just said there was set plans he needed to take care of something - SS then asked if we could get him when we get back or on Sunday morning early mind you he had been at school so this is all him not BM. I guess DH asked why he wanted to be over here and he just said "I just don't wanna be at Momma's"

I don't know why he really doesn't want to be at BMs but my heart breaks that apparently its so bad he wants us to even get him early on Sunday when BM would have no plans - mind you BM has already told SS we would get him Tuesday instead of Wed per normal....which SS was excited about so doesn't look like will be changing.

I just feel so bad he is 5 and is apparently going through something over there we don't know about.

Orange County Ca's picture

That "something" could be as bad as abuse or he simply doesn't like her rules and sees greener grass at your place.

Dad should tell him that if there is a valid reason Dad can ask the court to change the rules or even switch custody to Dad. Hopefully the kid will open up - Dad should do this privately with the kid. Somehow he needs to get to the bottom of this.

sbm014's picture

I don't think it is abuse...maybe her not paying attention which I guess can be a form of abuse...I think she has been more or less trying to focus on making our life hell and playing a victim. It was like when she started dating she ignored him, then her and her boyfriend spent time with him and then they busted up and then it seems like SS hasn't stayed a weekend night at her house in what I can count at least 9 weeks mind you part of those were our weekends.

I think us spending time probably had something to do with it. Also I think he subconsciously knows something is wrong one thing that pops into my head is you can look at previous post of mine but the last lunch I took him I told him I told him "You have 3 loving people who would do anything" his response was "My daddy you and my grandma" no mention of BM. Which I somewhat dismissed but shows take BM isn't showing she cares.

DH works offshore 3 weeks on and 3 off - we have him 15/21 days and almost any other day BM will let us have him - I did try to make sure we get tomorrow as I want a day out for our anniversary and we haven't had a day/night alone in a while because of getting SS a lot more than the order. I will say DH has a new contract for one more year with his job but is looking at jobs for when he can come home.

It seems as though he isn't opening up but I plan on letting them do a night hunt.

I did kind of ask DH in a "so what did you want to do tonight" way without directly bring up BM his response "I want to be with y'all and spend time with daddy, do you think I can come back when y'all get home tomorrow"

I know he loves time with his dad so I think DHs job may play into it more as I think the PAS is now off DH and more on me so he loves doing project and stuff with DH again - but I am also think BM is ignoring him maybe he will open up to DH tonight.

jumanji's picture

>DH then picks SS up from school today which was sad on its own it was 65 degrees at like 11 this morning mind you it is still 69 right now at 5:30pm and SS was in shorts and a tshirt I can only imagine how cold he was this morning - DH said he didn't even bring out a jacket though on Wed we sent at least a light jacket back to her house that he wore over here.

A lot(most?) kids dress down to what adults think they should when it cools dowm. 60s? My daughter is in shorts and a tank. She doesn't add warmer clothes until it gets into the 40s. She's not neglected.

sbm014's picture

I'm not saying he's neglected it is just sad.

I personally don't dress warm until it gets cold cold either I grew up in the North and DH works in New York year round so I understand waiting...

However SS wears a light jacket when it is the 70s I keep the house at 75 in the summer and half the time he wants a blanket..I keep a blanket in the car for travels 90% of the time we can barely have the AC on and he wants the blanket saying he's cold, he wore his jacket until like almost May this past school year and we live in Texas....he gets cold easily and I know he was excited to put on jeans the kid was chilly....