Once Again
we tried to talk to ss last night and my dh told me he can see that it is making me angry and causing conflict between us.We told ss that if he showed responsability around the house we would give him an allowance but he said no he wants his 40.00 game card first and he wont set his alarm until he gets it.Can you believe this kid!!!So he said he will get money from mama!!Can you say spoiled holy shit.We are at a standstill with this kid.I asked dh last night who did the discipling while he was with the bitch.He said he did because she was never around well that tells me right there why he is the way he is.
- sam's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
keep waking him up
but with a cup of cold water on his snotty little head every morning, and the cup turns into a bucket if it takes more than a day for the little brat to set his alarm.
He's playing a battle of wills with you both, and heaven help you if you lose....
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein
I wont
give in to this kid i am waiting til he asks for something else and i will say remember when.........NO.Somebody needs to parent these kids.
good for you
seriously, stick to your guns, good for you for standing up for what these kids actually NEED, not what they want...
Maybe your hubby can intervene before the BM buys him the card, tell her NO!
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein
wow..
this sounds so familiar..
My FH oldest BS sounds so much like your SS.
when he turned 18 after dropping out of high school, picking up smoking, cigs and misc other stuff, drinking, NO job, shi**y attitude entitled attitude..when he refused to listen to reason we told him he needed to move out.
till this day he still thinks what he is doing or not doing is ok and that we should just get over it.
Hopefully your DH will learn before mine did.
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."
Bm
will buy this card just to spite us i am sure we will be gatting a phonecall.Also we cant talk to her she is a big bitch.
well, take away the game system, computer then....
I know it's a delicate line to walk taking away things BM bought for SS, so okay, he can keep the card, but the game or game system needs to be taken away for his snotty attitude. His head will probably explode when he smugly walks in with the card, only to find no game. LOL.....
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein
He would
flip out and i dont know what he would do.Yes bm bought the computer for him so that would be a battle.It would make things very bad.I know ss punched holes in the wall at bms house that is when he came here because she couldnt handle him anymore.
so basically
you guys live in fear of what he's going to do? destroy your home?
This sounds like a bigger problem then an alarm clock or a computer card.
I think a serious conversation is in order, you can't be held prisoner in your own home by fear of an out of control teen's rage.
This kid needs to figure out what he GIVES to the situation to deserve the things he demands or at least feels he deserves. It sounds like he has a lot of anger, probably as a result of his mom 'giving up on him' when his behavior got out of control, just as the tip of the iceberg. He's going to need help with all of this, you all are I think.
I'm glad you're willing to help Sam, this is not going to get better without actual parenting like you're trying to exert....
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein
my exact situation
"This kid needs to figure out what he GIVES to the situation to deserve the things he demands or at least feels he deserves. It sounds like he has a lot of anger, probably as a result of his mom 'giving up on him' when his behavior got out of control, just as the tip of the iceberg. He's going to need help with all of this, you all are I think."
all the talking and all the therapy didnt help..( I am the harbinger of gloom and doom) FSS is an angry entitlted man. oh and he has no job, hmmm smokes...drinks..
I hope hope hope sam that your SS is not headed in that direction.
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."
ultimatum
A couple of weeks ago the 23yo issued an ultimatum to me and I laughed in his face. I still grin every time I think about it.
I phoned his school
today and dh and i are going to talk to his guidance counseller.Do you all think that is a good step to take?
I do think it's a good start
you need to see how pervasive the problems are. It certainly can't hurt, and they probably have resources for you guys. Let us know how it turns out...
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein
Are you SERIOUS?
This kid is well on his way to ruling your home! You and H should take serious action immediately--the angry brat thinks he is in charge. And it sounds like he may well be.
"...flip out and i dont know what he would do"
If he "flips out," call the cops on him. You don't have to put up with that kind of crap from a kid. He's making you hostage to his behavior. Sucks to be held hostage in your own home.
"ss punched holes in the wall at bms house"
OK, so expect that he will escalate the same way in your home when he doesn't get what he wants. He'll destroy your home too. He's learned that violence works. When this happens (and it will), call the cops.
Look, if you don't get a handle on this brat now, you can expect him to continue to escalate to physical assault. You don't have to put up with this! Go ahead and take away his game system and anything else--YOU ARE IN CHARGE.
Until junior gets that message loud and clear, you and H will continue to live in hell.
I should have taken seriously all the holes in the walls and doors at H's house when we were dating--and the spray paint on the walls. I lived in your hell for a couple of years with teen brats who were used to being incharge of the house and making demands. My H chose to give up control of his home out of guilt. These teens are now older-- in and out of jail (for assualt--go figure), and invlved in prostitution and drugs.
I often wonder if their future would have been different if H had discovered his parent backbone and taken control when he still could.
I don't care who bought it
if it's in my home, I control it. If BM bought the game system, she can just have it back. Just because one parent bought it, doesn't give them the right to dictate how or when it is used in the other parent's home. Kids have too much stuff anyway. I have, on a couple of occasions, gone "Little House on the Prairie" with my biokids. I box up everything they own with the exception of about 10 outfits and ONE toy of their choosing. Then I just put it all in storage. They can see what it's like to have nothing and maybe they'll learn to appreciate it when they earn it back. Works like a charm! Two months of no TV, video games, computer, toys, bike, etc. will do wonders for a child's appreciation of their pretty decent life. It also fosters a great imaginiation and teamwork!
I feel for you, feeling like a prisoner to a teenager has to feel awful!
Line in the sand
When my X moved out-eldest Bio son (then 18 and in prime shape) gave me a run for my money-He thought he could do anything he wanted to now that the authority figure was out of the picture.
He punched holes in the walls-threw stuff at me when he did not get his way-
Had parties/BBq's whenever-stole things from me-
Finally one day I had enough-I did call the cops on him
He was shocked and NEVER gave me any trouble after that.
I shudder to think where he would be today if I did not put my foot down with him.
Today he is a productive member of society-employed and a home owner, but he never forgot the day Mom got the cops to take him away! AND I do not feel quilty for doing it!
Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!
How old is SS?
We had this problem with SD when she was 11. DH was waking her up every morning, which meant he would go in there and tell her it was time to get up. Repeat 10 minutes later. Repeat 10 minutes later. Miss school bus. Daddy drives you to school. Repeat the next day. I finally got fed up and bought her an alarm clock, then told him not to wake her up any more. Eventually she got the idea.
With SS, if he won't get up on his own, I would make his "wake-up call" as uncomfortable as possible. With SD, I turned on all her lights, stomped into her room, and talked at the top of my voice. When I left, I left the light on. Usually that jolted her into action. I agree with the cold water, or an air horn, or the radio at full blast. Anything to make it so uncomfortable he decides it's better to get up himself.
My ss
Is 16 years old he will be 17 in july.
Put marbles in the freezer
then dump them in his bed every morning. He can't go to be that night until he has returned them all to the freezer.
16 years old, geesh!
as much
as i wish to do all of those things i dont think my dh wouldent be willing.I talked to dh today about taking away his computer but he doesnt think we have to go that far.
Girl!
You have already have a lot of wonderful advice here and I just wanted to comment on this lazy ass kid getting up for school. That is in no way shape or form your problem. He is almost 17 if he is late for school that is his problem. Let him get detention if he comes in late so many times - then maybe he will get a clue that he needs to get up. I think it is ridiculous to wake up a teenager at that age. My cousin's kid is autistic and he even knows how to set his alarm clock, put his clothes out, and be on time for school. Give me a break. I would disengage completely from that whole thing. If your dh is so worried about the kid - let HIM get him up. Not your problem. I actually would have laughed in his face about that one. My son is 22 but has somehow managed to get up on time by setting his alarm clock since he was in grade school. It is called being RESPONSIBLE This is really insane girl! Hang in there - maybe your man will grow a backbone and set SS straight. My goodness! Take care!