This should be fun
SD14 is supposed to come back tomorrow for a week (thank goodness DH is off work next week). Last night SD and BM got into it so DH now is feeling bad for SD (yet another instance of DH making SD a victim). SD has a tendency to make these fights with BM much more than needs to be by adding gas on the fire. Then SD calls DH to vent and get sympathy.
Made it quite clear that I will be telling SD what my expectations will be while she is here and the consequences if those expectations are not met (their are only 3 things I expect from her so shouldn't be to demanding). A friend of mine told me that SD would hate for the consequences I'm setting to which I replied that I don't care if she likes but I will make her respect me.
Then DH commenced to talk about how he was going to help SD out with concerts she wanted to go if she did well in school and didn't get in trouble at school. Let him know that we are living on a tight budget and may not have extra money to help her out all the time. DH said he would go without to help her. I'll remember that. Will he?
Should be a fun week!
"DH said he would go without
"DH said he would go without to help her."
OMG...I've hard that one before! DH has needed dental work for some time now...fillings from years ago that are falling apart, etc. Every time he gets a bonus, and I plan on putting money aside to cover the dental work, somehow he lets it out that he got the bonus, and suddenly SD15 needs, needs, needs. Well, there goes the plan to get DH's dental work done! I point it out to him, and DH is always like, "That's okay...I've gone this long. It can wait." Yeah, it can wait until we are eating and a tooth starts falling apart and suddenly we are going further into debt to cover the emergency dental care! (Yes, that has happened before.)
I've done without for my kids, but only in cases where they really, truly needed things and money was short. When they were little and growing like weeds and needed clothes and/or shoes because they outgrew everything, I found a way to get it...even if it meant me living on Ramen for lunch for a month! But it was true needs. I'm going to get a second job to make sure that BS19's college loan doesn't kill us. Yeah, some may not see that as a need...that secondary education is a privilege...but BS19 did work very hard to get accepted to college AND in this day and age, if you are going to make more than minimum, you almost have to have a college education...so in a way, it is a need. BD23 is working two jobs to make ends meet on only her high school diploma, because she has no clue what she wants to go to school for. Luckily, BD23 qualifies for all kinds of school help because of a hearing disability...it's just a matter of nailing down what she wants to do, and then working it into her schedule so she can still pay her bills.
I've done without needs for
I've done without needs for myself to cover both needs and wants for my son. My parents did the same for my sister and I when we were growing up. I think most parents are willing to go without in order to make sure their kids have everything they need and some of their wants.
But at some point, you have
But at some point, you have to draw the line! When you have someone like SD15 where everything is a need (no such thing as wants)...makeup is a need, that cute hi-low dress is a need, a new phone to replace the umpteenth one she has broken or lost is a need...you need to just say no, especially when your own need is something real...you know, like getting a tooth fixed that can fall apart and cause you intense pain at any moment! It is one thing to do without for a child that actually appreciates it and treats you with respect. It is quite different to go without for WANTS when the child treats you like total crap and only things of themselves, and feels entitled to everything.
I totally understand wanting
I totally understand wanting to give your child everything but DH is paying child support that is double what he should be just so he can make sure she is provided for which is very commendable in my eyes. On the other side, he and I are a family which he needs to help provide for as well. Right now we are holding our own financially but have nothing to fall back on if needed.
It will not hurt SD to go without. It didn't me. I lived on hand me downs and homemade clothes. I didn't get to do everything I wanted. Now as an adult I have the appreciation of what I do get and the understanding when it's not affordable. I'm a better person for it.
Exactly!!! I didn't get to go
Exactly!!! I didn't get to go to concerts when I was young...and during the 80s, going to concerts was a huge thing! I went to ONE concert during my teen years, and it just so happened it was because my mom wanted to go (it was Journey). Teach the kids how to be productive humans, and they can go to all the concerts they want later! I've gone back and seen most of the bands I wanted to see in my teen years. Of course, most of the bands I listen to were actually worth something...which is why they are still touring 20 years later...LOL! I will be shocked if Justin Bieber or One Direction is still on tour 20 years from now!
Teeth are a lifetime asset
Teeth are a lifetime asset and are definitely on the need list. He's stupid to give a unappreciative child a ticket to a concert while a tooth is falling out. Stupid. Does he think she's going to even remember it 5 years from now while he's sitting in a dentist chair trying to catch up? He'll be paying triple or more to fix then what should have been fixed now. Stupid.
I don't know if OP's DH is
I don't know if OP's DH is giving up teeth, but yeah...you are right! SD15 will not remember the makeup, the $70 dress she just had to have for guard officer tryouts that she will never wear again (last I saw it in a ball in a corner somewhere...probably getting eaten by ants), or anything else that she has begged for that dear daddy bought her. I mean, just a couple of weeks ago, according to BM, SD15 was saying that she didn't think DH was taking care of her because he won't take her back to school clothes shopping (when the girl has more clothing than the two of us combined) and won't drop everything to get her braces to fix purely cosmetic spaces in her teeth (which will probably all disappear once her wisdom teeth come in). So yeah...when he is in a chair in pain, and we are finding money or taking out more debt to get him a crown or whatever, she will not remember or appreciate any of it!
Now she's not coming until
Now she's not coming until Sunday morning. Don't know anything other than DH saying "I think she is just as crazy as her mother". No, really?