Not trusting someone is always a horrible feeling. But i dont trust my sd and i never leave stuff lying around that i care. I lock up my purse or anythign valuable.
My Ss does nto steal...my sd...i think she took my bracelet but i'm not 100% sure, so i've said nothing. I've locked up everything or i hide things in my closet and i do not allow them to go in my bedroom.
You know your ss lies and steals, therefore the only thing you can do if dad does nothign is to protect yourself. Lock them up and tellh im off if you catch him in your bedroom. Dotn be afraid to tell him off yourself. He's old enough and if your dh has an issue then go head to head with him, mark the line and if he doesn't like it too bad! Stealing is stealing. And if he ca't punish his own kid for that, then your dh has serious issues. Kids learn by example. if the parents do not allow the behaviours then the kids do not do it.

well theres someone on here that will basically tell you its YOU not the SKIDS cause they'v been through so much.....i however will tell you the truth.

its NOT you its THEM. and your dh. i am going through the same with sd11. bf has finally begun to see the light wih her but not good enough yet. it will get better, just keep doing what you are doing. your dh will blame u for everything as long as his kids come up clean in his eyes.

i would continue to ignore the kids, live your life, and know that even if they dont realize it now, soon they will realize you wont take their shit and they will start to respect you at least.

good luck hun.

I wrote this a long time ago and I hope this helps with your problem. It may not reflect your exact situation but you'll get the idea:

The situation with my step-kids finally got to the point where I decided that my efforts to raise them was futile.

First I told my wife in private what I was going to do and why.

Then I stopped investing myself, time and money in their upbringing. I realized that by conscious choice I could cease being responsible for them or their actions. Neither would I take credit for how they turned out, good or bad. I simply stopped interfering in their lives. This is not to say if they would start a fire on the living room floor I would not intervene. But if they did not do the laundry as scheduled I ignored it. Nor did I do any of their chores. If the trash overflowed in the kitchen - well tough. Mom dealt with it when she got home.

They could no longer blame me for the consequences of misbehaving just because I saw the misbehavoir. I never told. If they were caught in a infraction it was not my fault. They began to realize that they were responsible for their actions because of what they did not because I caught them.

I would talk to my wife in private if I had issues, but once she made the decision I backed her up 100%.

You will be absolutely amazed at the look on a kids face when s/he realizes you don't care enough to even tell their bio-parent they did something wrong. And you'll be pleased at their future behavoir and attitude towards you.

I stayed friendly enough and taught one how to drive when she was old enough. I took my spouse and SKs camping on occasion when my kids weren't around. I offered the s-kids advise on living in our world and made the obvious comments when it came to safety and such. But I never made it a judgement. May favorite comment was "Do what you think is in your best interest". It sums it all up. What you sow is what you reap.

Once the kids realized I was no longer the ogre they thought I was their attitude changed. I was not their friend, but neither was I the enemy. They came to realize that I had not done those things to irritate them. They in fact missed the things that they had come to depend on me doing. Permission to go to the mall when their Mom was not home? "Sorry, can't do that".

Their mother came to realize that I wasn't over-reacting to their actions. In fact I wasn't reacting at all. She came to understand that she would have to control the situation and she did.

With that things got much easier around the house.

Billions of kids grew up in the world without help from me and turned out just fine.

I know how you feel, my SD14 has stolen from my room. She actually told on her sister, SD17 for taking money out of my room because she thought she was going to be blamed for it, since she had already done it once. Trust me, BF is the worst person when it comes to discipline. He would rather just deal with whatever it is then actually do something about it. I'd like to say it gets better... and I will say there are moments when everything seems to be alright... but all in all if you don't stand up for yourself, you will not get anywhere with these kids. I have stood up for myself, and although every day is a new day, it seems like they actually listen when I say things... Sometimes.
My SD17 lives with her mom, and whenever she texts me she needs something. If I text her and need something she never responds and then says she never got it (a trait of her mothers). But if I don't answer her text messages then I can guarantee that I will be hearing from BF complaining that I did not answer her. Amazing, huh?

If BM and DH can't step up as parents and punish the kids for stealing, then I say call the police. Great idea. If the stealing escalates to out of the house, then the cops will get to know those kids well anyway. You'd be doing them a favor by stopping it dead in it's tracks, before tehy end up in jail.