ex thinks I should punish our daughter for something that happened at his house
So my ex found out that my daughter used his wife's phone to call me one night late. I explained to him that I asked my daughter if she would get into trouble. Now she's 10 and the best behaved kid out of the 6 in my house. The next morning her step mom couldn't find her phone and my daughter, afraid of her dad freaking out on her, lied and said she didn't know where it was. Now, my ex only hada couple days with her before she came with me and wanted to celebrate her winning the geography bee at school instead of punishing her. Instead he expected me to ground her. My ex grounds her for everything, even if her school desk is dirty. At my house I talk to my kids and rarely have a reoccurrence. Different parenting just like anyone's house has different rules. Well I took her back home today and first things he texts me is if i grounded her. I said no, I talked to her, she cried cause she knew she'd been caught and that was it. He started telling me that I was weak and that I can't handle punishment and that he isn't supposed to be doing it by himself but i guess he has to. Blah blah blah. .. It happened 2 weeks ago, he should have talked to her then when she lied instead of worrying about his wife freaking out on him about my daughter. Uh, I just needed to vent. If he had grounded her at his house and the punishment was to be completed at the time she came with me, I could have respected that. But I'm not going to ground her for something I don't even know that she lied about and was out of my house. At my house she's great and respectful and really the best behaved kid. I don't see why my ex punishes her so much, and yet he wonders why she would rather live with me.
I think you should send him
I think you should send him an email saying,
"Hi ex,
I'm emailing you to discuss DD's lying about her SM's phone. I agree that it is completely unacceptable and have discussed this with her. She knows she is not to do it again.
Whenever a behavior problem has came up at my house, I talked with DD and that usually resolves the issue at hand. Have you tried this? This is a suggestion as it has really helped decrease behavioral problems at my house. ~BM"
I don't think you should punish her for stuff that happens at his house. He should do that. But you should absolutely use this as a co-parenting opportunity with your ex to let DD know it's not ok to lie- about or to anyone.
You should have your DD write her SM a letter of apology.
And see I did talk to her and
And see I did talk to her and explained to her how this could impact her rules for when she gets a phone. My ex just freaks out about everything and I have explained to him that he should just talk to her, but he has it in his head that he's the perfect parent and that being a drill Sergent dad is the only way to parent.
Do what my SD's mom does: lie
Do what my SD's mom does: lie that you grounded her... Just kidding. Well, lying is the worst trait in my book, it's a criminal offense, I take those things seriously. If my bios lied at dad's house, they would be grounded here too. Don't coddle her, it'll only make her stronger.
But I don't know that she
But I don't know that she lied because I don't have that problem with her. She doesn't lie to me. I think he just assumes she's lying just to punish her and not have to deal with his wife.
Dad should punish the kid for
Dad should punish the kid for offenses that happen at his house.
No she didn't hide the phone,
No she didn't hide the phone, she said she put it by her door. And she was accused of taking it out of the bedroom but my daughter says she took it away from her 2 yr old little sister. He's making me be judge and jury over something I don't think is that big of a deal 2 weeks later.
Thank you, she really is, I
Thank you, she really is, I feel bad for my baby too because I don't think she gets credit there for being good as much as she deserves.
No she didn't hide the phone,
No she didn't hide the phone, she said she put it by her door. And she was accused of taking it out of the bedroom but my daughter says she took it away from her 2 yr old little sister. He's making me be judge and jury over something I don't think is that big of a deal 2 weeks later.
Oh, I assumed she lied, but I
Oh, I assumed she lied, but I see your concern that maybe not. Tell him it's hear-say and she is doing great at your place (you can piss him off and tell him he needs to buy her a second reward for doing so well at YOUR house and the contest haha That'll teach him
Lol now I don't encourage her
Lol now I don't encourage her lying at all, but what kid doesn't at least once? And I also feel like when she does lie to him is because he doesn't talk to her, he just jumps to punishing.
Yeah we can usually talk but
Yeah we can usually talk but lately he's just beena complete ass and I think it's because my daughter wants to be with me all the time and talk to me and doesn't make the same effort to call him when she's with me. I think he's jealous and I honestly don't do anything special to make my daughter want me more. Sometimes a girl just wants the mom