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I think my DH has been disengaged and I didn't even know it

Thisisnotus's picture

Submitted by Thisisnotus on Tue, 07/23/2019 - 9:47am

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Disengaging

I've been doing alot of thinking lately as the step hell is just getting more real by they day......I have been practicing complete disengaging from skids and anything related to BM b/c of all the drama...... but I what I really want is just some sort of normalcy in my life and it seems impossible.

So....it dawned on me this morning as I've been focusing all my thoughts on other things....my DH has been disgenaged from my kids since probably day 1. SD16 and DD14 are BFF's so DH only interacts with DD14 when SD16 is around...but as if DD14 is a friend of his daughters....other than that my kids don't exsist to him.

I started thinking back....he never talks to them or asks them any questions....he doesn't try to form a relationship with them...he doesn't do anything. I guess he has always done EXACTLY what I am trying to do with his kids but I just never noticed.

It sort of makes me sad I guess......there is no family dynamic in my home and I don't think there ever will be. I just feel like my home is a silent war zone. When DH gets home from work after me....my kids leave the common area of the home and hardly return. It's not that he is mean at all just SILENT....it's just like when he enters the home it's like a cloud of gloom enters with him.......and everyone retreats.

My EX and I do not communicate ever at all so he causes no drama at all......we have week to week with our kids like clockwork....no games...nothing but a schedule that ever changes.

I'm just drained and going through the motions.......why is this all so dang hard???

Thisisnotus's picture

Submitted by Thisisnotus on Tue, 07/23/2019 - 9:59am

I meant to also say that.....basically it's me staying away from his kids....him staying away from my kids....there are 5 of them between us....and then somehow we are supposed to come together for our shared 1 year old.

We did talk over the weekend that we are each going to start doing more with our own kids by ourselves and I think that will be helpful to me as I have no desire to go out and do fun things with him and his kids and he doesn't with me and mine. Or maybe it's not lack of desire....but nobody ever has any fun.

Harry's picture

Submitted by Harry on Tue, 07/23/2019 - 10:55am

To try to be a family. I am not saying for you to give in.  But both of you to start working towards a family relationship. Seams like you can’t do it yourselves, so maybe some help is needed. 

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Submitted by notsurehowtodeal on Tue, 07/23/2019 - 4:17pm

Is this how you want your kids to live? This means that you aren't able to interact with your kids in the evenings, once DH returns home. This does not seem like a good way for them to live in the home.

"I just feel like my home is a silent war zone. When DH gets home from work after me....my kids leave the common area of the home and hardly return. It's not that he is mean at all just SILENT....it's just like when he enters the home it's like a cloud of gloom enters with him.......and everyone retreats."

Thisisnotus's picture

Submitted by Thisisnotus on Tue, 07/23/2019 - 5:34pm

Absolutely not! We have skids half the time and my kids half the time so on the days it’s just my kids here the post above applies.

now that I’ve realized I am planning to take my kids out of the house just me and then once a week and the one other day a week we watch a movie together or play games at home.

i think I’ve been oh whoa is me over these crazy skids at crazier BM and my Disney DH.....that I sort of forgot about myself and my own kids so it’s a huge wake up call!!!