New SM- SS missing BM

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Hi guys

I’m a brand new 28 year old step mom and literally in my first week of living with step son.

We have custody of him one week on and one week off.

BM is very nice and we have a decent relationship with her, though boyfriends past with her is rocky- they’ve put that aside.

With our work schedules I am often the one home with him all day and all night, as my boyfriend works very long hours. This isn’t new for us. We have been together almost two year doing this, but we were in a long distance relationship and I would drive to come to him on my days off.

Now we all live together and bed times have been rough when bf is working. Tonight’s bed time routine turned into 6 year old step son crying for his mom

just looking for similar stories or ways of dealing. I love my step son so much but had a slight feeling of failure that I couldn’t provide him with what he needed.

Thoughts?

Hmm this would be difficult.

Hmm this would be difficult. 6 years old is too old to be crying for his mom. Right now it feels awesome to be one little family with you watching stepson whole DH is at work but my suggestion is don’t let it be like that for too long. DH needs to be there for his kid or he has to let BM take the kid for longer periods of time. It’s hard for a kid to be go that long without seeing either biological parents. All day all night with no contact with a biological parent is why he cries.

I dunno

Six is old enough to clean up toys and help with small chores. I think six is still young enough to cry for his mom.

Who watched the kid every other week for the last 2 years when you were living far away?

His dad. And on the days I

His dad. And on the days I could make it there (I was 1.5 hours away) I would. I’d arrange my schedule to be here. It doesn’t feel like a lot has changed to me.

Hmm this would be difficult.

Hmm this would be difficult. 6 years old is too old to be crying for his mom. Right now it feels awesome to be one little family with you watching stepson while DH is at work but my suggestion is don’t let it be like that for too long. DH needs to be there for his kid or he has to let BM take the kid for longer periods of time. It’s hard for a kid to be go that long without seeing either biological parents. All day all night with no contact with a biological parent is why he cries.

Sorry probably should have

Sorry probably should have clarified- his dad doesn’t work these shifts every day we have him. Just a two days a week or so. He recently had his schedule changed to be home more

His mom lives near by. Would it be weird if on the days he is just with me to allow him to go to her place for a few hours? Before I even suggest that, does that make me unreliable or incompetent?

I think it's normal for a kid

I think it's normal for a kid to miss his mom when he's with someone not as familiar and close to him. Don't kids go to camp and college and get homesick?

My only thought about taking him to his mom's on days you have him is that it might start into motion something that is difficult to stop -- both with BM and SS. BM might question the custody agreement or SS's expectation might be that you will always take him over there. Maybe not a good expectation to set.

The other thing is you'll never get him past "homesickness" if you give in to it by going to BM's. She needs her alone time too. This is a growing pain that I think will pass, but not if he never has to work through it. Maybe you couldn't comfort him this time, maybe not the next time, but maybe the next, next time you'll find a way to distract him or comfort him and that will feel really good to both of you. This is a good chance for you to build a bond with him, especially because he's only 6. You guys have a long life together ahead of you. Might as well confront this with the expectation that you'll work through it.

The custody agreement thing

The custody agreement thing was my fear too.

Thanks, this comment is what I needed. Just assurance that there are curves to hit and things to learn.

The custody agreement thing

The custody agreement thing was my fear too.

Thanks, this comment is what I needed. Just assurance that there are curves to hit and things to learn.

WHY

Do all these BF work shifts, where they are not home most of the time SK are there. and there answer is to dump SK on SM ???? What did BF do before you. ? Why do they want there kids and then don’t see them ?

Actually if you would have

Actually if you would have read my above comment you’d see my clarification that he doesn’t work these shifts his whole week with his son.

He is an amazing father who gives everything in him to his son, and his parenting is not to be criticized. This month our schedules were a little more rocky due to our move in, a trip my BF had taken his son on, and a trip is BM is taking, so we are a little off schedule.

However, to again clarify, my bf has in no way dumped his son on me. He is one of the most involved fathers I know and should be recognized for it. What I was looking for here was guidance in how to comfort a child wanting his mother and direction on my role.

CLARIFICATION

My bf is a wonderful father. His schedule isn’t this way for the whole time my SS is with us. Due to a trip they had just taken, our move, and a trip BM is taking with SS, our schedules are a bit wacky in the summer months.

next month his father will be here with him nearly every day.

My reason behind this post was genuinely about comforting a child who wants his mother, and what I can do to make this easier on him. As well, connection with another SP who has felt the same.

It is a ploy to postpone

It is a ploy to postpone bedtime or it is a manipulation tactic so that you will fall into whatever bedtime routine (or most likely lack thereof) at BMs. I would say be honest with him. Start bedtime an hour earlier than usual and tell him it is because he usually gets upset so the extra time will give him time to settle down and he will end up asleep at the time he should. I have a SS recently turned 7. I feel like this is the Age of Games. We are primary and while we have a zero manipulation tolerance, the night he comes back from BMs is always the roughest because he has not come off his Disney Parenting high. We settle him down for bed an hour earlier on Sunday nights to help and by Monday morning he has adjusted to home life.

I’ve been discussing with my

I’ve been discussing with my bf and we agree with this. The two nights before he had a “bad stomach” and couldn’t go to bed. However we didn’t let that manipulate us. I think this night he saw I was there without his dad and thought it was a good one to try.

I’ve been discussing with my

Be direct with the Skid.

Be direct with the Skid. "Sorry. You will see your mom when you are with her next. This is dad'stime. Do you miss dad when you are at your mother's? Let's read a story or if you prefer I will close the door and you can cry."

Lather, rinse, repeat.

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