Today I hope that I have hit a milestone with BM!
Before I get into all of that I'd like to say, THANK GOODNESS FOR ONLINE SUPPORT GROUPS! I am new here and hope this will prove to be a good place to air my grievances.
So I have 3 bonus kids. The 2 youngest have the same mother and to say we don't like each other would be an understatement. She feels like I don't belong here, that I'm teaching her boys not to love her, and that I'm basically standing in the way of her attempt to get back with my her ex. He has made perfectly clear to her that getting back together is out of the question. BD and I have known each other for many years and have been together a little over a year. Co-parenting with her is difficult since she likes to act petty and childish most days. She very rarely sees the kids and isn't allowed to have over night visits with them until further notice (she had a serious drug problem). As of now she is allowed 2 visits a a week and has to be with someone at all times when she has the children, so far she sees them about once a month and always has an excuse. We keep her informed of everything that goes on with the kids from doctors appointments to potty training. The courts have left it up to BD to decide when and if she may have time with the children but has not given him the right to grant over night visits as of yet. She had finished her rehab and we are scheduled to go back to court next year. As of late she has been messaging him at all hours and trying to get him to come over and asking for rides places. He never responds unless she is asking specifically about the children. She has recently moved back to town and told us both how she wants to see the kids more often and that she has seriously changed. However, if you ask me she is more trying to weasel her way back into his arms. She is sorely mistaken if she thinks he even enjoys seeing her face. She did such horrible things the 5 years they were together.
So today I messaged her and asked if we could sit down and talk like adults, just the two of us. She agreed and came over. I made it perfectly clear that we are not friends and that I don't like her anymore than she likes me and that my relationship with her kids father isnt going to fall apart just because she is trying her hardest to make it so. I have always been civil with her, her not so much with me. But, I told her today that petty things and dislikes need to be set aside for the sake of the children. I told her that if she needed a ride or even someone to talk to that I would gladly be here for her. That the children need to see a united front. I told her that her kids love her and I have never tried to stop them, ever. I've never tried to replace her or take the glory of being a mother away from her. But her absents has made the kids cautious with her and that is not my fault.
I start work in my new office soon and have been looking for a sitter. Their father and I had agreed that we would let her have the kids for the 4 hours/4 days a week that I need to be in my office. Which I told her today. She seemed amazed that I was being so nice (which is crazy because I'm always nice). She even cried a little. She agreed that it was time for her to put diffences aside and do what was best for the kids!
I am hoping and praying that she isn't being extremely two faced at this point because that would mean that she would spend less time with the kids. And even though I am a motherly figure to these kids they need to know that their mom is doing whatever it takes to do right by them! Hopefully this is the beginning of a new chapter of co-parenting with her!