You're allowed to have "alone time" and not feel guilty about it. We all have these moments.

I dread weekends as well, disengagement has helped a bit but when the car rolls up to the house, my heart sinks. I do find that if I enter the sitting room, they all leave which lets me have peace - but it does nothing for the old self esteem!

Oh kind lady, just wait until they grow into highly manipulative adults---while they may not physically be with you as much, they up the ante with passive aggressive manipulation of daddeeee full-time...Raising kids this way only results in even more juvenile behavior exhibited a life time by adults. Staying away, is the only option, it this is your case.

Wish I could be more positive....just saying.

Guilt is for an illegal or immoral action.

NONE of which you have done.

Try to remember that visitation is designed for the BIO PARENT not designed for you. Allow them to bond.

Also, visitation is about living normal family stuff..not about running HERE, running there, doing this, doing that, spending 70bucks at the movies, going to the TGI Fridays for dinner afterwards, dropping another 50bucks, then off to the mall.

Noncustodial's are quick to listen to some cp who say YOU DONT DO ANYTHING with Johnny. Then one day ncp wakes UP and realizes the bs.

Hope the above helped in some little way.

I am in the same boat....

I am in the same boat. Now one is 18 and can choose when he comes over and for how long which is way worse. The tail wags the dog be his father doesn't want him to think he's not welcome so refuses to ask him his plans. So his dad literally waits for him to tell him what he's going to do or not going to,do. He's not made to get a job and isn't asked to do anything. When he's there he wants to go out to eat at every meal which his dad does and I'm never thought of at all. I'm sorry to say for me it only gets worse. I don't respect anyone in this situation in my household...not my husband, not his kids, not the grandparents...no one! So I also disengage. I try to get blamed later for it with things like you don't love my kids, you don't have kids yourself so what do I know, blah blah blah. Hang in there by you are the only one who knows what's best for you and don't let anyone tell you it's wrong.

I am in the same boat. Now one is 18 and can choose when he comes over and for how long which is way worse. The tail wags the dog be his father doesn't want him to think he's not welcome so refuses to ask him his plans. So his dad literally waits for him to tell him what he's going to do or not going to,do. He's not made to get a job and isn't asked to do anything. When he's there he wants to go out to eat at every meal which his dad does and I'm never thought of at all. I'm sorry to say for me it only gets worse. I don't respect anyone in this situation in my household...not my husband, not his kids, not the grandparents...no one! So I also disengage. I try to get blamed later for it with things like you don't love my kids, you don't have kids yourself so what do I know, blah blah blah. Hang in there by you are the only one who knows what's best for you and don't let anyone tell you it's wrong.

The only thing in your statement that I can’t relate to is the fact that you used to look forward to your SD’s visits. I have NEVER looked forward to my SK’s visits and I’ve never missed them when they are at BM’s. I’ve spent 10 years now counting the hours to the end of every visit and I’m pretty sure that’s how I’ll spend the next 10 years.

And this is coming from someone who doesn’t really have any of the main issues that people talk about on this site. My DH is great and fully backs my parenting and my SK’s completely accept me as their third parent and love me unconditionally.

The issue is me really – this is not the life I would have chosen for myself had I known how hard it was going to be. I struggle to even like one my SD so love is never going to happen there and while I am fond of my SS I don’t know if what I feel is love – if it is then it’s certainly not a strong love and it will never, ever be unconditional.

As someone who through themselves in head first when I started this step-parenting gig and has been actively involved in the raising of my SK’s from the time they were in nappies, it’s only in the last year that I’ve started taking more time out on weekends for myself just because I need it!