I think it's great that he takes care of the SKs when they're sick. But the other stuff would bother me very much. I don't think you'd be as bothered by his not helping out with your bs as much if he didn't let them pull so much crap.

Maybe it's time to get a marriage counselor involved.

What are you getting out of this? It amazes me how much we women tolerate. We become accustomed to this twisted version of a normal life.
You need to go out and get some friends. Bring them around your house. Your husband would take you a little more seriously if you had a bit of an entourage cheering you on Friday nights.

You should also keep your kids separate from his if they're bullies. Don't give them the chance. And by no means should you ever "tell" on them. Just tell them to get the f#*k away from your son. Fly off the handle, go a little nuts, let them see momma grizzly in action, freak their little asses out a little. They may say you're nuts, your husband will respect you more, and as far as the bm? who freakin' cares. Tell her if her kids had any manners, they wouldn't be picking on someone smaller. Sometimes in life you just have to let your freak out. WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO LOSE?

I say this from experience. The turning point for me, in alot of the same situation (husband tolerated too much bad behavior, made excuse, lied for ss, etc. typical crap) I WENT OFF!!! I had a baby shower for my daughter in law. This ss crashed it with his buddy, hung over and wreaking of alcohol. My husband, who was supposed to be there to help with this shower, (I have a one year old) tried to leave! He was going to take his son and the friend out to dinner! Leave me here with a one year old and all these guests and take his ass out to dinner. "Because apparently guys weren't invited." No just stinking, hungover, twenty year olds, who don't live here anymore aren't invited.

Anyway, I went phsyco-bitch crazy...Got my keys, took my purse and walked out...screaming and calling him and his son every name in the book. It was our very first fight EVER. And it felt amazing. From that point on, this kid never, ever, ever comes to MY HOUSE unannounced. Sometimes, you gotta let the freak out of the cage.

I have recently resorted to taking my son and going and spending time alone with him doing fun things I know the sk would like to be doing. My sk are also mean to my son, but only when daddy isn't looking or they think I am out of earshot. I am at my wits end, but after reading this string, I think I may trying letting the freak out, and you should too, lol.

I hate to say it but that's how my SO ex wife is now becoming. She left the man she originally left my SO for... so now her calling is even more then it was before. And I'm the one with the "issue" Everything is about money and how I need to accept the SD16. I too suffer from the "maid" issues when they come to visit. A poster on this site told me to start putting their CRAP where they sleep and then they will figure it out. I think that was PERFECT advice!
I let the freak out last month. And trust me I blew... my son has never seen his mom like that. The SD16 has made a choice to NOT come to our home anymore. Fine by me. Her and her mom are like the show "Mean Girls" and well I had had enough. I'm not saying she isn't welcome in our home BUT I made some serious ground rules. And her choice has been to stay away. As for her crazy ass mother..... there is nothing you can do about ex's if your man has no back bone you can't fight the fight for him. That is the exhausting part. I finally told my SO last week when he told me his ex was moving back home and she had called for advice for schools for herself etc that I would NOT support him while he supports her emotionally. This will NOT work for me. I already support him so he can support her with the insane assnine amount of CS he sends on top of every call for money that he answers to during the month. I draw the line at him talking in private with her or whatever.
I too lost all my "so called friends" eleven years ago when I got divorced I know how you feel. This community is good support. And they validate how you are feeling because Lord knows your SO will not!