I thought I wanted a kid, for a while. I do think for me it was a lot of society/family pressure, and not really my own desires. I really, really enjoy my ME time, being able to do things without having to worry about babysitters, etc... Then factor in things like the cost, risks, teenagers, etc... It just logically seems like a major no go for me.

But there's always that stupid annoying little voice in the back of my mind, whispering "are you sure....?'

Then skid weekend happens and I drown that voice in anti-anxiety meds and alcohol for a few days.

ETA, DH is 10 years older than me, he has two (awful) kids, who will remain 'children' well into adulthood. He said he was willing to have another, but he too set a 'deadline' for it. I'm sure I will freak out a bit when the time comes, but I'm 99.999% confident in my decision.

That's a tough situation.

I'm in a very similar situation. My DH is 13 years older than me, had a vasectomy before me, and was totally good on not having any more kids. We actually had the kid conversation about a week into our relationship because I knew I wanted my own, he was open to it then, and once we got married he got the vasectomy reversed. He started out not really looking forward to having any more, but now that we're kind of trying, he's actually excited about it too. My DH also kind of had a "time limit" on it too, he didn't want to have a child anytime he was in his 40's, but we've talked about it and it's not a big deal anymore, although he still hopes it happens before he's 40!

I can't speak for you, I can't make a decision for you, and I shouldn't, because I'm not you. But from what I can tell in your post, you've always wanted a child, in some way or another. Maybe not full on, ready to have one ASAP, but it's always been on your radar. You even said it yourself, that because of your DH, you've "resigned" yourself to not having one of your own. From what I've read, it sounds like you want to have a child with him, but you also want to give him what he wants (which is to not have any more children), you both need to decide what you can be happy with, what you can live with. Can you be happy and live with not having a child? Can he be happy and live with having another child that he wasn't expecting?

Also a side note to think about, the success rate of vasectomy reversal drops off dramatically after 8-10 years since the original vasectomy was done, so if you're close to that time frame, move quickly. Also, just because he has the reversal does not mean it will work, does not mean you will get pregnant. So just trying and having the possibility, is not a for sure thing. My vote is to get the reversal! But of course my vote counts for nothing because it's not my life

Look around your immediate group of friends. Find one with a two year old (preferably twins) bonus/brownie points if the kid has a puking flu, cold or ear infection. Then again a colicy infant/teething baby will work for this experiment as well.

And ask to borrow kid for four days. Send the parents off on a nice 4 day child free weekend on their own (they will LOVE you for this).

Now... the kid is yours. You have to set up day care/after care, meals, bedtimes, baths, medicine, keep the kid entertained, manage to not let it destroy your house, laundry (daily, those little suckers go through ALOT of clothes), diapers or potty training, enforce rules, teach it manners... and oh yeah! you have to work, keep your house clean, cook, run errands and keep your appearance up and have sex with your DH daily.

If after 4 days straight of doing all of this you even remotely think "I want to do THIS for the next 18 years!!!" have a kid. On a bet, the four day time span of sick kid and life will beat your biological clock into submission.

You absolutely right about the decision to have a child being the only irreversible decision. Sadly it is the only eternal decision and commitment left in our complex world these days. Once you have a child you are mom for eternity.

I uncerstand where you are in all of this. My bride had SS-22 when she was 16 and a single teen mom. We married the week before SS turned 2yo and when DW was 18 and I was 30 so we have a similar age gap to yours. Kids were not an option for us because of DW's severe pre-eclampsia/toxemia during her pregnancy with SS. Or so we thought. DWs docs always have told us NO KIDS! DW nearly died with SS. But.... her latest doc calls bullshit on the no kids advice from the other docs and says if we want another one or more it would be manageable medically. I am 51, DW is 39. I have never had an overwhelming urge to create spawn of my own and DW thought it was not an option. Since we got the advice 18mos ago from her new doc she has been jonesing hard for another kid. I am still neutral but .... I love kids and if she wants one, I am all in.

We did have a scare about 10 years ago and she swears I turned pale as a ghost and looked like I was gonna puke when she told me she thought she was pregnant. I plead the 5th. Yes, I was shocked and pretty much scared shitless. But, I was excited and we were both disappointed when it turned out to be a false alarm. I would have pushed her not to risk her life because she is more to me than any spawn would be.

So, talk it out with DH and figure out your path forward. You really do have to make the steps together. If you say "I want a kid with you" my guess is he will schedule a plumber to reconnect the pipes.

Be happy.