SS And A New Truck
My SS has always had plenty. He is 25 and has never made a payment on anything. SS is married with his own family. SS grandparents left him a big life insurance that he got when he turned 21. Him and his wife went thu all that money in no time. SS works for my DH and he pays him well infact very well. He brings home big paychecks. Now my SS is wanting a new Ford F-250. I have a feeling my DH is not wanting to tell me he will be buying this new truck for him . SS is spoiled. Dh family is very wealthy. Money is just handed to DH grown kids and most of it is behind my back. Should I be upset ? SS has never accepted me since I have been with my DH and thats been 10 years. I didnt have the kind of money that DH family has when I met him.So to them I am a golddigger and troublemaker. SS expects DH to dish out the cash .Its always been that way. Im thinking since he is suppose to be on his own he should buy his truck with his own money .Should I talk to DH or just let it go? I bet DH wont see it the way I see it. They never do.I would like your opinions please.
If the money doesn't come
If the money doesn't come from your money and doesn't mean that you need to kick in more for joint expenses then don't bother. If your dh is wealthy and can just buy his son a truck because he feels like it he will do as he pleases and you'll just be the evil sm who hates his kids if you say anything.
Pretty much this....
Pretty much this....
I can see how that would
I can see how that would grate on your last nerve. But it's not your money (is it?) and you're not doing without (are you?) to finance DH's project of ruining his kids, so it's not really your concern.
If these were your own kids you'd have a good reason to resist his spoiling them, or if they were little and you wanted to see them grow into successful adults. But neither is the case here. They'll probably become an increasing pain in the butt as the years go by. They consider you a golddigger, and their opinion is not likely to improve. In the meantime just enjoy DH's largesse (he is generous with you, yes?) and, to the extent you can, stay out of his relationships with his spawn. No doubt he's been acting this way toward them for years. You're not going to change that, and there's no reason for you to knock yourself out trying.
Our bm still has daddy buying
Our bm still has daddy buying cars for her at 35 yo. I know for a fact her sm hates it and her lol
I completely agree.
I completely agree.
" ... one day DH will not be
" ... one day DH will not be there and what will SS do then?"
He'll send her packing with a tent and a sleeping bag if he's in a generous mood. He already considers her a gold digger and Daddy an endless source of goodies. Daddy seems to agree that SS is entitled, and he'll want to make sure he's provided for--kept forever in new trucks and whatnot.
Seriously, what DH is giving skid right now is the least of your problems. It's what he's going to give you that concerns me. Make good and sure you're provided for in some way, whether through his will or at the very least by keeping your own assets out of this mess. I once watched a vindictive b!tch pry the last $10,000 away from her elderly step mother, whom her deceased father had married 30 years earlier. It took her years and probably cost more than she finally deposited in the bank, but she managed it. Not pretty.
Ooohh, (waving hand wildly),
Ooohh, (waving hand wildly), may I please have a F150 SuperCrew 4x4? Some crackhead stole mine last year and insurance can't cover a new used one (I can provide police reports. I'm a nice person. I run a non-profit.) Oh, ... Thought maybe DH was handing out trucks there for a minute. Oopps.
It may not be "your" money, but it's family money and you are part of that partnership. You both should have input on major decisions of that magnitude. Of course, DH may write it off as a "business expense" which will shut you down and we all know would be BS.
My ex-BIL's/SIL's always asked out ex-MIL/FIL for dinner at nice restaurants and "forgot" their wallets. Seriously. If I hadn't heard it I wouldn't have believed it. Some people are just like that.
It helps to visualize how lost those leeches will feel when the parent goes broke or gets smart.
If it is marital assets
If it is marital assets paying for this truck then damned straight you should take exception loudly and publically if necessary. If daddy is paying him a salary then SS can buy his own damned truck. Even if daddy was not paying his salary then SS can buy his own damned truck.
For me when I got engaged when I was 19 my parents were clear. "You get married; you are on your own." My fiancé’s family gave her the same message. She was 22 and was planning on grad school after college graduation. We revisited our wedding date and postponed. That gave me time to realize I was far from ready to get married and we moved on.
So, SS is an adult, married, and working. The marital resource gravy train should end.
IMHO a marital asset is any income earned during the marriage regardless of who earns it, and investments active during the marriage, and any assets purchased during the marriage. Equity life partners share in marital income and assets.
Until your marriage ends it is all a marital asset and you have veto rights over how it is spent.
All IMHO of course.
If this affects you in
If this affects you in anyway, say something. If it doesn't let it be. Not your kid, not your problem.
I can see both sides of this
I can see both sides of this issue and agree with two perspectives: On the one hand, not her money, not her kid, not her business. Easy to understand.
On the other hand, there is the very human emotional side which rears its head as hurt from being left out of decision-making, resentment, and maybe even some jealousy thrown in for good measure. Also understandable. Especially if you have come from a background where scrabling for survival and paying your own way is part of your value system.
It's hard to grit your teeth and keep your mouth shut while watching those with lesser personal integrity get nice neverending handouts. I have always kept my mouth shut for ten years, too, but it still bugs the crap out of me to see skids get significant hand-outs which they figure is due them. Especially when most of it came from the sweat off their grandparents' backs who worked three jobs each for most of their lives, yet the skids can give a rats ass about either them.
Did the inlaws do the same
Did the inlaws do the same for your husband when he was younger? If so,(and he turned out OK) this may just be the norm in their family.
As long as his spending doesn't harm you, you really do not have a say.