Thank you for the feedback everyone. It really means a lot to me. I have no one to really vent to honestly that understands and so finding this forum was a Godsend for me.

"You are not a doormat...your home is not a hotel, and if family members use and disrespect eachother, they need to be taught that is not acceptable...I wonder how, if ever, these young adults will ever function in society???" ilovearizona, your guess is as good as mine at this point. To be quite honest, my sk's aren't really FUNCTIONING in society. My ss was fired from his last job (after only 3 days) because "baby mama's" friend showed up not knowing that he worked there. He asked her when she saw the baby, it was within a couple days, so he got mad, slammed his fist down on the counter and said something to the effect of he'd like to beat the crap about of "baby mama". Well, the friend told baby mama, baby mama told her daddy, and her daddy proceeded to go to ss's job and inform the boss that his employee was threatening customers and asked him if he knew that ss has a warrant out for his arrest (it's a bench warrant in Louisiana after ss was busted with some friends with pot a couple of years ago... they never went back to go to court... because he's an idiot and doesn't take care of ANYTHING. Sigh.) So of course he was fired right away. SD is just sitting on her butt at home as a stay at home mom while her fiance' works 2 jobs 80 hours per week, but she doesn't clean the house or do anything that any stay at home I know of does. Then she yells at him for not spending enough time with her and the baby. So I wouldn't say they are functioning at all.

"You have sacrificed enough of your own happiness (and probably a bit of your sanity as well) for these kids and it't about time you make YOURSELF happy!" young_step_mom, my sanity has definitely been compromised. In fact, one night I seriously thought I was REALLY losing my mind because some of the things that SD does, it's almost like she is trying to make me think I am nuts. Like after I told her that I didn't want her around me or my kids... she messaged this big tyrade about how I was keeping her from her dad and her siblings and she had done absolutely NOTHING wrong to deserve this kind of treatment. I had already gone and deleted her from my facebook as well as all of her friends so that she couldn't get information about me or my kids because she had told my dh that she saw things posted on my facebook and that she "KNEW that my kids were never disciplined because of what she saw on facebook". Uh, like I would POST when my kids are disciplined on facebook in the first place??? Please. (BIG jealousy issue here... she was "beat and grounded constantly", but MY kids are NEVER disciplined... which is absolutely NOT true) But anyway, to keep her from being able to use information against me like that, I deleted her and every contact that I knew she had the password for. The next day she goes to my ds's girlfriend's page and starts posting comments on pictures that had been up for months... she NEVER spoke to ds's girlfriend, never posted on her page or anything, then there she is posting like she all of a sudden CARES about my ds's girlfriend, who sd has said is "weird" and she doesn't like. Well, I personally saw it as her little way of telling me "you can't keep me away from your kids". When I tried to explain that to my dh, he basically told me I was being paranoid. I tried to explain to him that sd manipulates and does whatever she can to try and cause drama and problems and that unless he sets his foot down on her to back off me, she wouldn't stop trying to cause problems. So yeah... I've definitely questions my sanity PLENTY of times. Sigh.

"One of my SD's used to refer to herself as a princess too. I don't get the psychology behind these children. I do believe that many guilty dads are just too willing to coddle these kids and not give consequences, because parenting is hard work and they don't want to do it. But the signal they send their children is that they aren't worth the effort and it drives their self-esteems into the ground. So, they want to lash out at him and at you. You get the blame from them and from him. Your DH had plenty to do to create this mess with his children." StepAside I am with you on the psychology behind these kids. Personally I think it's just low self esteem and this is a way to present a false sense of security for themselves... you know... make others think that they don't have an issue with self esteem. When sd was pregnant she gained more than 75 lbs. She has dropped NONE of the weight after baby was born... nor does she care to. But she walks around wearing tight cami shirts (that she wore pre-pregnancy) that roll up her belly, and jeans that she cannot even button and that shows her crack. Uh, how can you POSSIBLY have any self respect dressing like that??? So it's a whole lot more obvious than she would ever admit. And YES... my DH had just as much a hand in this as the loser BM did. In fact, last week after we found out about ss threatening the baby mama and losing his job, I told dh, "Something is about to happen... that is why all 3 of your tempers are being brought to the surface to be dealt with. And I am telling you RIGHT NOW that I will NOT be the one to deal with ANY of it! All I ever hear is how I treated your kids so badly from you and from them because I didn't want them to be allowed to talk disrespectfully to teachers, I didn't want them to be allowed to just run the streets at 16 years old without knowing where they were, because I wanted them to show some responsibility for something. But I always treated them so poorly compared to my kids and I am sick of hearing it. So now YOU deal with ALL of this however you see fit and do not bother to drag me into it at all because I will NOT be the bad guy ANYMORE. The only thing I will say is this... if ss ends up in jail over something, because I know that is coming, if you DO bail him out of jail like you did a few months ago when he didn't pay the traffic ticket, that WILL be the END of this marriage. I WILL divorce you. He is 22, he makes the same stupid mistakes over and over, and you keep bailing him out of everything and enabling his behavior. YOu will NOT enable him anymore while I am sitting here." So I guess is a small way I did kind of make hubby choose there, but this is the thing. He's been giving the kids money for crap without ever discussing it with me because we have seperate checking accounts and always have. He gave ss like $900 for a car and claims that ss has paid him back but he hasn't worked anywhere long enough to pay back $900 and then dh wanted ME to give him money from MY checks to pay the car payment that we had set THAT money aside for, but he gave to his son. I told him no, I won't do it. HE gave his son the money, HE can replace the savings. Ugh... this already seems so long. Sheesh.

"did you say anything derrogatory or name calling?" krisnkids, no... I did NOT initiate any of the name calling by being nasty, rude, mean, or anything else. The very first recent problem we had was when her camera came up missing after a visit to our house. She automatically accused my dd13 of stealing it, so I looked through her room and found nothing. Sd was furious that I "believed" my dd13 over her. I wrote her a parental email back and said, "We always want to believe the best about our children. I cannot be mad at dd13 when I have no PROOF that she did anything wrong. If the camera comes up, whoever has it WILL be punished." Well, that brought on an onslaught of name calling and how NONE of my children have ever been trustworthy, and if she would have stolen something from someone she would have been "beat AND grounded"... and the list goes on. I wrote back and said, "You have a child now. How would you feel if someone was accusing him of something that you had no proof he had done? Would you spank him or ground him just based on what someone said when you had no PROOF that he did anything wrong at all?" She wrote back and said, "The difference is that MY SON WILL BE PUNISHED when he does not OBEY ME!" Like I have never disciplined my kids a day in there life... which is SUCH BS it's not even funny. Actually, ALL 5 of the kids think that they had it worse than the rest. And truth be known, my ds17 was grounded for over 3 years solid because of grades, talking back and being disrespectful, being destructive, etc... that kid spent more time in his room then my sk's ever THOUGHT about. Which is probably why ds17 is saying that ss and sd need to grow the heck up... he HAD the discpline that they didn't. But anyway... just as an end to the story... dd13 DID end up having the camera and she got in BOOKOO amounts of trouble including grounding, being made to call and apologize to sd, some may not agree with this but I did spank her because this was MAJOR (this was STEALING)... but I did not BEAT my child, nor have I ever beat ANY of my children, and she was made to tell sd exactly what her punishment was. Then a few weeks later, sd was at the house and kept saying again how she was "beat" and none of my kids have EVER been discplined. It's like a vicious cycle of jealousy and anger. The last messages between sd and myself were me explaining to her that I would no longer deal with her drama, her disrespect, or her attitude and that she is not welcome at my home or around myself or my children... but that was after she sent me a horrible message because I had deleted her from my facebook when "she did nothing wrong" and I was keeping her from her dad and her sisters and THAT was on ME. I told her that it was in her control to be able to see her dad and sisters if she would just grow up and change her attitude and the way she talks to people, especially me and my kids. Here are some excerpts of what she had to say...

"You love 'baby' soooo much that you took him away from the girls and his grandfather, and even you. because I AM NOT going to come to a house where I'm not welcome and if I'm not welcome neither is anyone else in my family."

"You may have done things for me but that's what you signed up for when you married my dad and if you didn't HAVE to do it then you shouldn't have. How much have I done for YOU those 11 years? So you can't just say you did stuff for me, you have to acknowledge the fact that I did stuff for you too the WHOLE time I live in that house."

"Your kids might LOVE you but I have heard ALL of them say nastier shit about you then I have EVER said. and you say i can live with my consequences of my actions, whats the consequences? that i don't get to see my sisters and father. I guess you will have to deal with them asking you why we cant just get along so they can see their sister and nephew."

"I never said i didn't do anything wrong in my last message i said i may have raised my voice to you, thats admitted that i may have been wrong. but you had NO reason whatsoever to yell at me like that when you don't even talk to your own kids like that."

"I'm not keeping anyone from myself. if any of them would like to see me they are more than welcome to come over here. oh but wait they would get gripped (supposed to be griped) at if they do. You say that I need to have respect but guess what that goes both ways as well. You have NEVER respected me."

"But f*** the bullshit i honestly don't care anymore because im tired of ALWAYS fighting with you, no matter what it is. Guess I was warned huh? I have the control to change it? NO you are the one that needs to change this. I never said I was a victim! I TOLD YOU THAT I MIGHT HAVE RAISED MY VOICE AT YOU AND THAT THAT WAS ADMITTED I MAY HAVE BEEN WRONG!!!! But I am NOT your child and you should have NEVER yelled at me like that regardless if you felt disrespected or not because the ONLY reason you did it is because your friend was there."

"I'm tired of the bullshit with you its kinda old and you make me more mad EVRYTIME I go over there with something you say. So you as well have a good day and life with my father."

"I honestly would like to know what mothering you did for me? and i didnt want to say it but you keep bringing it up so did take me to the doctor? Which is what you signed up for when you married my father considering you were a stay at home mom and he was the one working to pay the bills the WHOLE time i lived in that house. and get me in trouble every chance you got? go through my room once a week? Thats what I remember from living there."

"If respect comes when I enter your house then why do none of YOUR kids respect you either? Like I said, they have said shit about you way worse then I have, and i know that because they have said it to me. I am a guest in your home and I do believe that you are suppose to show your guests respect as well."

So there are some excerpts from the last argument we got into. Her best friend had messaged me last week to talk to me about her concerns about the baby and how sd doesn't take care of him right. She said that she's notice a change in sd the last couple of months and said that she went onto sd's facebook profile and read the messages that went on between sd and myself. She said that NO ONE should ever have to listen to that kind of crap and that sd was in the wrong. Now this is sd's best friend. It feels good to have people SEE what ss and sd are doing and agree with my stance. Lord knows my dh refuses to show any kind of tough love to these kids at all. What kills me about all of this...

I literally treated these sk's exactly the same way I treated my own children. I did all I could to be FAIR. I wouldn't go and have pics made with my children because I didn't want sk's to feel left out or excluded, etc. Now I feel like I spent so much time worrying about my sk's feelings that I sacrificed TOO much with my own children and it is time I can never have back. I told my dh that he can do whatever he feels he needs to for sk's but I will NEVER put ANYONE in equal priority with my children ever again. He asked me how I would feel if he said that to me. I told him that he has been doing that for years now even without saying it and now he IS saying that his kids are more important and that he will not be puting anyone before them, so what's the difference. I am just now sticking up for myself and my relationship with my children and he's been doing it for years.

I'll shut up now... I honestly could go on and on and on about this. I have held all of this inside for so long that I don't even know what to do now that I have somewhere to release it to! LOL

Thanks for listening and advising everyone.