Give them a date and tell them to get a job, contribute to the household expenses or move. That's what we did with SD. She's headed for the army at the end of next month. In the meantime, since she didn't want to contribute, she moved in with her half-sister -- visiting before she leaves. Good, nice and quiet at my house right now. I won't take free-loaders. She was warned when she finished high school. Get a job and or get out. We gave her 3 weeks. You need to put your foot down.

Best of luck. JMHO

I am experiencing the same situation. So you are not alone. My SD 20 is not moving either. She is suppose to be going to school but who knows. Time will tell. In your case, why would they move if you are going to get a job and support them. I wouldnt!!! DH needs to lay ground rules. 19 and 20 needs to be in school or working. The military will take them. Encourage them to get going.I wish you luck. It takes your DH to stand firm and tell them to do something with their lives. I would stop buying food there and see how they can tip to the kitchen then. Me and SD would go out and eat. That should save you time and food. McDonalds have a dollar menu all day long. Stop cooking and being their maids. Watch the attitude kick up bc no food is in the kitchen. My SD use to come in all times of night until I told DH I was not happy anymore and that was some of the reason. Lack of sleep bc she comes in slamming doors and eating all times of night. DH and I called a meeting with her and laid down the rules. She left that night but didnt come back til the next day. Needless to say, if you dont keep speaking up then nothing will get done. Dont hold your tongue if you are a contributor to the house hold and afterall you are the second voice in your home. Where is DH?

Dear Arielyn:
This situation not only happens with stepchildren, but can happen with adult biological children as well. I'm reading a book right now called "Generation Me" by Jean Twenge. She writes about the cultural phenomenon that adults currently ages 18-30 are experiencing where they feel entitled to everything without working for it. She says that after polling hundreds of thousands of people in this age bracket she realized that we have shifted from a society who cared about the greater good of everyone to a society where individuals only care about themselves. They make excuses, leach off others and are incapable, it seems, of setting goals and achieving them. My own biological daughter is leaving for the Army in January. This is not what I wanted for her. She was capable of attending an ivy league school due to her stellar grades, G.A.T.E. status and overall high achievement during elementary school and junior high. Things went down hill when she started high school and started buying into the whole teen social scene. She learned from her peers that mommy and daddy are SUPPOSED to take care of you until you graduate college and then you're going to get this great job and be set for life. Things have changed in our economy to the point that even people with master's degrees can't find work and these young adults are disillusioned about real-life expectations. They don't get the concept of hard work and want everything to be easy. It was a monumental task to keep my daughter from failing high school and out of trouble with her loser friends. If I had it to do all over again I would have quit work and been home so that I could more closely monitor her social activities. Anyway, after high school we knew she wouldn't get into a four year college right off the bat because of her poor high school performance. So, we opted to put her in cosmetology school which would have taken her a year to complete. We wanted her to have something constructive to do that she would enjoy and then once she got a job cutting hair we would put her through community college for her AA. Well, she didn't get to go to cosmetology school because she threw a party at our house that included underage drinking, smoking pot and sexual activities while my husband and I were on a cruise. When we came back we found out that the neighbors had to call the police because of the disturbance coming from our home. My husband and I were embarassed and FURIOUS because we trusted her. So, my husband flat out refused to pay for cosmetology school and told her she must get a job or get out. She got a lame job at a mall kiosk selling some useless product. To her credit, she did look for work but had a hard time finding a job. We then decided to let her clean our house to make extra money but she was lazy and did a terrible job, waiting until Friday of every week to cram all the cleaning/laundry in. We fired her and told her again to find her own job since she wasn't doing what we asked. She got a job at a local burger joint (which she's held for over a year now) and so we decided to put her through community college. We paid for her books and tuition and she started online community college in January of this year. Well, after three months of seeing her go out with friends constantly and utterly failing in her studies I made her give me all the books and I sold them back to the book company (at a loss, I might add!). We told her we were done paying for college since she wasn't taking school seriously. She finally joined the Army and is leaving for boot camp in January 2013. She continues to act like we owe her something and that she doesn't have to contribute. We are fed up and as much as I love her, I want the Army to kick her butt so she realizes how good she had it and learns some appreciation!

Show some tough love or you will continue to be trampled on!! You need the support of your hubby though or it won't work.

Best of luck to you.

Scarpetta, glad to see you are a fan of Twenge. I posted about her book previously and HIGHLY encourage all those who deal with this demographic, to read her studies. Scary stuff and doesn't bode well for those of us who may have to "depend" on that generation as we age. Good luck to us all! As for your daughter, be thankful that she's joined the Army. They will set her straight in no time, and by the end of bootcamp you should hopefully see an entirely different person.

arielyn, put your foot down now before it's too late. And the first place you need to put your foot is the backside of your skids mother - she has to lay down the law, too. Without her supporting you and agreeing to set rules & standards and keep them in line in your own house, you will be doomed to being the "black hat" role.