First, they now know who the real Green River Killer is. Just kidding.

Second, I would have said the same damn thing! He is just defensive because his son is a loser.

They are very defensive over their kids, period. WE may know we are joking, and they may KNOW it but when they hear it, it hits a nerve and they get defensive. Especially if this has been a hot issue lately. Sometimes we are just better off keeping our traps shut and thinking what we want.

^^^that^^^. he reacted in "guilt" most likely. I'd say move into a SMALLER house!!

Normally, under other circumstances it would just come off as a joke.

Unfortunately, under this sort of situation - it hit a nerve with him. Obviously HE isn't at the stage where he also can see the humor in the statement.

My DH used to be hyper-sensitive like this, but now that some time has gone by, and he has a better perspective of his kids and their games - HE is usually the one now to make the jokes! If his kids only knew some of the ideas he has joked about on how to "jerk-their-chains"!

Don't be too hard on yourself. You meant it as a joke, it didn't work - hubby blew a gasket, and now you know he is not capable of finding the humor in the situation.

Hopefully, with time he will.......someday.

I agree with several others. He jumped down your throat beause if not today then tomorrow he still holds the hope of them moving in. I think the defensiveness was borne of guilt, you trashed his idea before he even got to put it out there.

Well I suspect you weren't joking but you tried to put it out there as if you were because let's face it, what would have happenend if you had tried to have a serious conversation about it. Maybe you did it this way because you were to scared to do it any other way because you know bringing it up in a serious manner would send DH into frenzy. So don't be too hard on yourself. I know in the past if I so much as mentioned DH's daughters name, he would attack me the moment her name came out of my mouth. Not because I constantly spoke badly of her because I didn't, but he was always on the defensive. One time I went to say to him SD and boyfriend called in to pick up their washing machine today (we bought it for their new house), and as soon as I said SD he went off, what now, you always have something to say about her blah blah blah. As I said, I didn't always speak badly of her I tried not to speak of her at all, but he knew exactly what she was like and he was always on the defensive. Perhaps your DH is much the same.

No nothing is ever enough when you have one of these self centered spoilt brats with an over inflated sense of entitelment I know. We gave SD a front loader washing machine, the exact one she had asked for cost us over $800 as soon as it was purchased she started hinting for a fridge. she wanted a fridge exactly like ours. No she didn't get it. But she dropped hint after hint for months, then on the day she went off with boyfriend to buy it she rang daddy no less than 5 times to ask questions about the fridge, and of course to tell him in horror do you know how much these fridges cost, I didn't think they cost this much. Yes she did. She was just waiting for daddy to say, don't worry spoilt one I'll buy it for you. He didn't take the bait I think he knew far better than that, I had told him once before if he gave his kids money for the hell of it then I would give the same amount to mine. We bought each of them a gift for their new homes, so if he had forked out the extra 2K for a fridge, I would have given one of mine 2K or shared it around the three of them and he knew it.

Thankfully DH and I are on the same page and he would have laughed if I made that comment to him. Sounds to me like your DH is ruled by guilt and would allow them in if asked. Dh was ruled by guilt for years. He is coming to find though that his kids don't give a damn about him or anyone else for that matter.

She pulled a knife on your daughter. She'd not even be coming to dinner at my home after that. You're a better woman than I am. There is no way in hell she'd come into my home ever again after pulling a knife on anyone, let alone one of my children. Normal people don't pull knifes on people in temper. They usually handle their anger in better ways. She needs anger management I think. As maybe does your DH. This is not even his or your daughter it is your SS girlfriend. Who does your husband think he is yelling at you over his son's girlfriend. (sorry). I'm shocked. No wonder you feel you have to walk on egg shells in your own home.

Nice catch. I still wouldn't have him in my house again though. Surely pulling a knife is something of a dealbreaker even for your DH.

Oh sorry I wasn't wearing my compassionate cap then was I. Your DH is right his poor son is a victim of divorce true but that was nothing he couldn't have overcome lots of people do. Unless they have secondary complications from divorce. a parent or parents who want to be liked more than they want to be a parent so they trap their kids in an ongoing drama whereby the parent always gets to be the superhero and swoop in to save the day. Those are the real and true
Victims of divorce. They will never ever get over it because mum or dad or both want the kid dependent on them forever because mum and dad are needy. Sorrry bagging my husband there but kinda yours too