"My husband says I dont have a very good sense of family." That's B.S. He's trying to make it look like there is something wrong with you because you don't feel like being overly-saturated with HIS family. Nobody other than a masocist would agree to this. Offer the suggestion that your DH take them OUT for dinner every weekend. And guess who is going to pay. If he doesn't like that, tell him he's convinced you to be in a 'family' mood - you are going to be inviting YOUR family every weekend. One big party!

A good extended family hosts gatherings at each member's home in some sort of rotation. Sell this hard to your DH and say that it would be nicer for relationships all around if the older one and his gf hosted on alternate weekends so you two can be the dinner guests for a change. It will do the boys good to take this role, etc etc. Then, if and when the guy takes up the challenge, gradually fade yourself out from going if it is not fun for you.

I don't think there is anything wrong with you, who wants a houseful of people every weekend? But I am one who likes my house to myself.

I live 2 minutes from my dad and I do not go hang out at his house every weekend. It's kind of rude to assume that would be ok.

Thank God, SD23 does not live closer or she would probably be here all of the time (with her 2 kids) and I would go nuts.

I think your idea of the Sunday dinner every month is a good one but it sounds like it might be hard to wean these "kids" and get your DH on board, since he seems ok with having the house overrun.

Other than making it uncomfortable for them so they don't want to hang out every weekend, I got nothin'. You could hide all the food so they have nothing to eat (I try not to feed my SD when she comes over, lest it give her motivation to make the drive more often).

Maybe you can talk to your husband and get him to understand that you need the weekends for your "down" time. At some point, he does need to cut the cord.

I feel for you 'cuz I do like my house to be quiet and empty of extra people.

I couldn’t relate to this thread more.  Makes you question if you are doing something wrong or not.  

Its okay to want adults over the house and respect your time and YOUR house.  My Skids are 19 and 18 and I am terrified of them staying for years and years.  

Thr weekends are my time to relax and do something either planned or just with my husband.  I would a stressful job and NEED that.  I feel ya a girl.  I don’t have any good advice because I am in it now and drowning daily.   Just wanted to show my support!!!  

Some may agree that parents should help their kids into their 20s, especially now that offspring seem to be less able than they were in my day.

But...you have every right to say "no" to girlfriends and their offspring moving in. And I'd recommend you do. If SS has access to sex in your house, he will never leave, AND you might end up with several more offspring and then the excuse will be that they can't afford to move out with a new baby. So this is a definite no. No overnights at all. If SS is so serious about this woman, let HIM support her and her kids.

Because you have so many kids moving in or already moved in, I'd suggest a blanket expiration date...maybe six months from the day they move in (or a year or three months -- whatever you can endure). If your husband bulks, make the expiration date the day you all sit down to talk about where everyone is and how steps to moving out are coming along. If your SSs know they must sit down on a certain date and answer for what they've done to get themselves together, they might just find it easier to move out sooner. Regardless, the expiration date is a means of letting SSs know they are not welcome indefinitely. And it's reasonable for you to have a time when you know it will be discussed.

These are just details. What you really need to do if you're will to let anyone move in is make sure everyone is on notice that this is temporary and everyone knows the expectations: they will pay rent maybe, they will have chores, they will have limits on who may stay over, etc. If you husband bulks at this, tell him fine, then no SSs move in.

Leverage everything you can, but make sure they know this issue will be visited individually with each of them on a scheduled date.

It's not totally unreasonable to help kids get on their feet. But it's unreasonable to do it without setting up parameters and exit dates. You look like the hero because you're willing to let them move in at all, but you're not willing to let them move in with no plan to exit.

This isn't ideal -- they still move in. But at least you know (and your husband and his kids) that it won't be forever. That is key.

Can you say gaslighting?

“My husband says I dont have a very good sense of family." 

When someone attempts to shift blame it is a problem that should be confronted.

There is nothing wrong with your sense of family.