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so so upset :(

serendipity's picture

Submitted by serendipity on Thu, 08/25/2011 - 8:41am

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so yesterday morning i get a friend request from a guy from high school, i accept it on my phone bc i know who he is, and go about my day. i come home to my BF screaming at me for accepting a "prostitute stripper" as he calls it, as my friend. i had no clue what he was talking about- turns out my friend from high school actually is a male stripper- i thought it was kinda funny. anyway, BF goes on to call me all sorts of mean nasty names (whore, etc) and tells me he is embarrassed that his GF is facebook friends with a stripper and if i don't delete him in 2 minutes he is gonna write something mean on my page. i was like- what are you 12? jesus. i just deleted him bc i didn't care enough to make it a fight. well we get into it this morning and i tell him how can you judge someone for being a stripper? like just because you are insecure and jealous about me being facebook friends with him doesn't mean you need to call me mean and nasty names.

then i say "that is like me saying to you- delete all your fat facebook friends because i don't like fat people and it makes me jealous" and he responds "well then i would have to delete you" the convo stopped there- like what an asshole. then i text him this morning and say thanks for calling me fat this morning- his response: have you looked in the mirror lately? i honestly have never been treated like this by anyone before- and it is so hard because we live together now and we are in the process of buying a house. i want to run for the hills but i have no idea what to do because my name is both of those things...

and as i side note- and not that it matters bc a man should never call his GF fat- but i'm a size 8. not exactly skinny, but not fat either. wtf? i'm so so upset this morning Sad

Nothemom's picture

Submitted by Nothemom on Thu, 08/25/2011 - 8:48am

Size 8 is not fat!! I am appaled that any man would say those things to someone he loved.

I was married to a man that after 6 months of marriage started those types of comments. I have since divorced him but these things still affect me.

My advice to you. If you want to stay be sure that you get treated the way you deserve. If not leave now. That is abuse do not take it lightly!

I'm not into ultimatums but I wish that I had shared my experience with someone sooner and had them tell me this. Do not worry about your name being on things. It will be easier to take care of now than later.

You are NOT fat! I think a size 8 is beautiful. We do not need to be a size 2 to be beautiful!

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Thu, 08/25/2011 - 8:53am

I would move on...if he will talk that way to you now, what is in your future???

I go between a 6 and an 8 all the time and it is frustrating, but I wouldn't consider myself or you fat. Being 5 feet tall, I am considered over-weight according to the doctor. I do yoga twice a week and gym twice and golf once. Nothing I can do about it...I know I am healthy and that is all that matters. Tell him to Kiss off...

hbell0428's picture

Submitted by hbell0428 on Thu, 08/25/2011 - 9:08am

this is classic!! I hear you here!! DH and has tons of girls I hated in high shcool (we graduated together) as friends!! they were complete sluts!!
Last week I accepted a request from a guy I went to grade school with 8 stated AWAY and DH got pissed. It is such a double standard - it is crazy!!

P.S. Tell him to ge to Hell!! size 8 is FAB!!

serendipity's picture

Submitted by serendipity on Thu, 08/25/2011 - 9:17am

i know! i don't get it! facebook is so much trouble. i mean we ran into this situation a few months back when an old (male) family friend wrote on my page something friendly like "hey how are you we should get together sometime" and i responded with something nice like "yeah sounds great" meanwhile we all know no one ever has any intentions of getting together- its just something you say to be nice (is that just me? ha!). anyway, we got in a huge fight over it- he was calling him my boyfriend, why don't you just go be with him, etc, etc. facebook is a nightmare if you are with someone who is insecure- it has caused so many problems.

serendipity's picture

Submitted by serendipity on Thu, 08/25/2011 - 9:11am

i am 5'9 and size 8- i mean under no circumstance would i consider myself fat OR skinny- i think i am average. would i love to lose 10 pounds? sure, who wouldn't. i think he knew where he could hit me because he was angry and he did it- and i know where i could hit him, but i don't. it just isn't something you do to someone you love. i am sure we all have things we could say to our SO that would hurt really bad- but you just never do that because you love them.

and to call me a whore for accepting a facebook friend request? that is insane. granted, if i had seen his page and some of his pictures i wouldn't have- they are pretty raunchy. and if the situation was reverse i would have said something to him- but like an adult- not some crazy jealous middle schooler. i just did it from my phone bc i knew that i knew him. but to freak out like that because he is jealous and insecure is unfair- i really don't know how to deal with it anymore.

like having a crazy BM and 2 skids isn't enough for me to deal with- now you have to be an asshole on top of it?

Soon-to-be-Step-Mommy's picture

Submitted by Soon-to-be-Step... on Thu, 08/25/2011 - 9:14am

Seriously? I would leave this ass. Obviously he is jealous, and calling you fat? I would consider that verbal abuse. Calling a woman fat is the one of the worst things you can say and he KNEW it would hurt you. If I was a size 8 I would be jumping for joy. I USED to be. Now I'm in a size 12. And if my husband ever called me fat? I would slap him across the face!

One Life Once Chance's picture

Submitted by One Life Once Chance on Thu, 08/25/2011 - 9:20am

If he's doing this now, this is what your future holds....RUNNNNNNNNNNN.

You say in the process of buying a house together - STOP THE PROCESS!!!

VioletsareBlue's picture

Submitted by VioletsareBlue on Thu, 08/25/2011 - 10:42am

ditto

alwaysanxious's picture

Submitted by alwaysanxious on Thu, 08/25/2011 - 9:30am

OOOO.M.GEEEEE

That goes past THE threshold. Nope. He doesn't get to do that. 1. you are not fat. 2. tell him you are going to take your "fat ass" and get your own place. He can do whatever he needs to.

You let him get away with this one, you have a long life of being insulted.

the_stepmonster's picture

Submitted by the_stepmonster on Thu, 08/25/2011 - 9:32am

Clearly this guy is insecure and only said that to hurt you. I'm 5'7" and size 8 and do not consider myself fat at all. What an asshat. That doesn't make it right or okay of course. Other than the obvious insecurity around FB, does he usually make these types of comments (calling you fat, a whore, etc.)?

serendipity's picture

Submitted by serendipity on Thu, 08/25/2011 - 9:49am

well, he used to have a drinking problem. a whole different story. and he would get drunk and call me names. he has since fixed that- so i guess now he just does it sober...

wow, typing this out is really eye opening.

Auteur's picture

Submitted by Auteur on Thu, 08/25/2011 - 10:49am

Can you say PROJECTION?

These asses try to turn it around on you all the time.

"Yeah, I'm a recovering RAGING alcoholic that did permanent damage to everyone I came in contact with BUT YOU'VE GAINED 4 OUNCES SINCE I MET YOU TWO YEARS AGO!!!"

Garbage!

Run, girl RUN!!

Oi Vey's picture

Submitted by Oi Vey on Thu, 08/25/2011 - 10:54am

DUP

serendipity's picture

Submitted by serendipity on Thu, 08/25/2011 - 9:50am

i told him i am taking off from work tomorrow and moving out- his response: "ok- i am working on a double date with steve tonight"

hahaha omg what a fucking asshole! i was like ok good luck!

the_stepmonster's picture

Submitted by the_stepmonster on Thu, 08/25/2011 - 9:58am

Wow. I hope you go through with it. You deserve to be treated much better than this. I thought maybe, just maybe, it was a lapse in judgment but he is clearly unapologetic and trying to hurt you even more. Good luck!

serendipity's picture

Submitted by serendipity on Thu, 08/25/2011 - 12:46pm

yup- he was lying obviously. but he clearly just says things to upset me- like calling me fat. now he is apologizing and saying he didn't mean it and he was just angry.

stepfamilyfriend's picture

Submitted by stepfamilyfriend on Thu, 08/25/2011 - 9:58am

Never mind the fat thing too much. Calling you whore and other names....you decide if that is how you want to live. If not, make it clear to yourself and then to him, that there will be none of that or you are out. Then follow through.

serendipity's picture

Submitted by serendipity on Thu, 08/25/2011 - 12:58pm

i told him all he is doing is trying to control me- i am 12 years younger then him, attractive, friendly (not trying to be conceded- i know i am no 10)- but i think he is just so jealous and insecure that he tries to push me down to make himself feel better. and i mean it is just an old high school friend as my facebook friend but i said to him- who the hell are you to tell me who i can be friends with? number one- it is facebook- i will never talk to this guy. number two- do you think you can constantly stroll through my facebook friends and delete anyone you may be threatened by? what a joke!

how do people get this insecure? i don't understand! it makes you look pathetic!

serendipity's picture

Submitted by serendipity on Thu, 08/25/2011 - 10:31am

we were building a new house- i don't know how difficult it will be to get out of it bc we did sign all the paper work, pick everything out, etc- but no mortgage papers or anything- we weren't there yet. ugh, i feel like that is the only thing holding me back because i feel like they could sue us. although, i guess its better then actually having to share a life with him.

Oi Vey's picture

Submitted by Oi Vey on Thu, 08/25/2011 - 10:41am

OP, I spent many years in a relationship with a man who was verbally abusive on a daily basis. It was awful. Getting the courage and strength to leave him was incredibly difficult.
Now, several years later, I am remarried to a man who has NEVER called me a name and has only raised his voice to me a handful of times in 4 years.
It is wonderful.
When you find the oomph to leave, and finally break that hold, it's an awesome feeling.

serendipity's picture

Submitted by serendipity on Thu, 08/25/2011 - 12:49pm

i feel like it is the same shit over and over- he says he is sorry over and over, he didn't mean any of it, he will change, and then 2 weeks later it is the same bullshit. i just don't understand why he continues to do it when he knows how much it is hurting me. he obviously does not care about me...like i don't understand where this can come from in a human being- what kind of person must you be in order to treat someone this way?

helena_brass's picture

Submitted by helena_brass on Thu, 08/25/2011 - 10:42am

Holy moly girl. Leave now and never look back. He's something bad waiting to happen. Vindictively lashing out at you due to his own painfully obvious insecurities? Yea, get on out of dodge. Also, block his phone calls, texts, facebook--he sounds like he'll try to contact you and hurt you out of spite, and maybe in a few weeks will try to grovel back. Be strong and don't let him. Good luck!

oneoffour's picture

Submitted by oneoffour on Thu, 08/25/2011 - 11:37am

His first reaction to you announcing you are leaving is "I have a double date with Steve." No apology. No "please don't leave, I was wrong." Just a tit for tat comment "Who cares, I am double dating again woohoo!"

Honey, he doesn't care about you at all. Fat? Really? I WISH I was size 8. In a years time I will be but calling you fat?

I hope you are heading to wallyworld for packing boxes as I type.
And do what Helena says... block him and don't look back. You are better than him.

momSterto3abd3's picture

Submitted by momSterto3abd3 on Thu, 08/25/2011 - 12:25pm

^^^ Please Serendipity: as all of your fellow bloggers have stated? RUN as fast as you can from this man. You don't deserve this disrespect. Do what YOU must do to get away from him because it sounds as though he's a train wreck of human. Why subject yourself to the madness if you don't have to? I wish you all the luck; we'll be here at StepTalk..cheering you on..
Found this on my Facebook feeds, and I thought I'd share it with you.
"The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any."
-- Alice Walker