New here and in need of help before I lose it!
Forums:
Hi everybody! I am new to this site and really hoping to get some insight and advice from others who may be in similar situations.
My husbands ex lost custody of her children 5 years ago due to drug and alcohol addiction.
She was completely out of the picture for over a year while away in a rehab program. She is completely unstable and doesn't seem to have any grasp of reality even now that she is back.
She has put our family through hell since returning and I just don't know how much more we can take!
Somebody help me!
If she's unstable, is she
If she's unstable, is she doing things you can document in order to use it in court if necessary? If she's unstable, she should be on supervised visitation with the children if any at all. Keep records of what she's doing.
"Venting without the desire to look within and improve your situation is simply venting to hear yourself bitch."
..."I'm not mean, you're just a sissy."
We have documented
We have documented everything she has done up until now.
Her latest threat is to go to Legal Aid and fight us about the custody and visitation. Not much of a threat!
We have tried everything to work with this woman and try to make things easier for the kids but she is just bitter and vengeful!
I'm just tired of her CRAP!
I thought that was the point of this site was to vent and try to seek help and support from other step parents.
Of course that's the
Of course that's the point...that's why I responded.
Not sure why that last sentence was so defensive...you didn't give many details so I didn't have much to support or help.
"Venting without the desire to look within and improve your situation is simply venting to hear yourself bitch."
..."I'm not mean, you're just a sissy."
Sorry, didn't mean to sound
Sorry, didn't mean to sound defensive. I'm just at my whits end here. I don't know what to do anymore!
This woman has added nothing but stress and angst and hurt to this family for nearly 2 years since she returned from rehab. I'm just so tired of it all. I don't know what she will do next and I don't know how to make things better for the kids.
I guess I'm just emotionally exhausted.
I am ready to lose it with her, which I can't do because it would hurt the girls, and I don't know how much more I can take.
I know it's hard honey...I
I know it's hard honey...I can't imagine what you must be going through right now. The best thing you can do for yourself is to try to stay focused and logical...don't let your emotions get the best of you right now because then you'll blow up and feel worse.
Have you talked to her at all? Is it possible to have a civil conversation with her and just find out exactly what she wants and what she expects? Since it seems she's irrational you may not be able to have a decent conversation with her. Is there some sort of group therapy thing you guys can attend as a family along with her to try and make things more peaceful but still have a professional there to mediate things
"Venting without the desire to look within and improve your situation is simply venting to hear yourself bitch."
..."I'm not mean, you're just a sissy."
I have tried talking to
I have tried talking to her.......I have tried helping her out, through my husband because she would resent it coming from me.
We have suggested group therapy but she just says it's all my fault and I need to change.
Irrational is putting it mildly!
So she's projecting her
So she's projecting her insecurity onto you basically. Well the best thing you can do is just keep being a good stepmommy to those girls, sit back and watch BM spiral off into crazyland. Realize that no matter how much she fights and tries to raise hell in your life, she'll only bother you as much as you let her. Stop giving her a reaction. Just make sure your documents are in order and ready to go when she pulls something stupid.
Another side of it though, she's probably feeling extremely threatened by your presence with her girls. She's not there hasn't been there but you are there and have been there. She is reacting from insecurity and she's on the defense bc she knows she hasn't been a good momma. She can't begin to be a good mom until she can face the fact that she has been a bad mom. She can't move on from her insecure lashing out until she faces the fact that you have been there for her girls and looking out for their best interest. Her pride is getting in the way of the appreciation she should be feeling for you.
"Venting without the desire to look within and improve your situation is simply venting to hear yourself bitch."
..."I'm not mean, you're just a sissy."
I know, I'm the scapegoat
I know, I'm the scapegoat for all of her guilt.
I'm just sick of it! I will always put those girls first and I love them unconditionally. I have raised them for 5 years now.
I just wish she could put the girls first for once in her life. It hurts them that she is so hurtful to me. We are very close.
Yup, it sucks to be the
Yup, it sucks to be the scapegoat. but when you get up in the morning...you can look in the mirror and KNOW that you are a good woman,a good stepmom,and a good person. She probably can't even look at herself in the mirror without cringing.
You have to try to cling to the things that matter right now and that will get you through this mess. The more angry you feel inside the more she wins. You have to get that anger out and make room for the good stuff in your life so she can't touch you.
((((((((dragonflygirl)))))))) Hang in there sweets
"Venting without the desire to look within and improve your situation is simply venting to hear yourself bitch."
..."I'm not mean, you're just a sissy."
Thank you so much for
Thank you so much for listening Jaded! It helps to know that someone is on my side here. It helps talking to someone who isn't involved. Sometimes it really hurts and tears me up. This really helped me get passed it for today so I can move on.
Thanks again.
Keep posting when you feel
Keep posting when you feel this way...there are some amazing ladies here that have been exactly where you are now and I bet they can help you a lot when it comes to staying calm and getting through things without ripping your hair out from frustration. We're all here for you just keep that in mind when you're feeling isolated.
"Venting without the desire to look within and improve your situation is simply venting to hear yourself bitch."
..."I'm not mean, you're just a sissy."
I have figured out now that
I have figured out now that your quote always appears on the bottom of your post. I thought you were just saying that to me after my first post! LOL
As I said, I'm new to the site. That would be why I was defensive I guess.
They are words to live by!
OH! well that WOULD put a
OH! well that WOULD put a new person on the defense wouldnt it? I'm sorry honey!! lol
"Venting without the desire to look within and improve your situation is simply venting to hear yourself bitch."
..."I'm not mean, you're just a sissy."