This is going to sound like a Jerry Springer episode.
So. My DH and I JUST got married. We have known one another for about 10 years. We were together and lived together with his children for 4 years then separated for 4 years then got back together and got married. To understand my predicament, you would have to know a little back information.
My husband was 19 when he found out his ex was pregnant. They got married, had the baby, and immediately got pregnant again. 3 years later he came home and everything in the house was gone and she had moved out and taken the kids. Because the first child was conceived out of wedlock the courts ordered a DNA test. The first child was not even my DH's biological son to begin with. Thus creating a ton of resentment against his manipulative ex. My DH continued to raise the first child as his own.
Fast forward to present day. During our time apart I had moved out of state, gotten hired as a Sheriff's Deputy, and overall was doing really well. Until my mother was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer and I moved home to California, quit my job, and took care of my mother. Two day after I moved home, I got a call from my now DH (not knowing I had moved back 2 day earlier), we reconnected and picked up where we left off. My DH was there everyday my mother was dying in the hospital. During this time, my DH's ex did anything she could to get attention. Even to the point of calling him late one night telling him she had cancer herself! Which she doesn't! My mother passed away three weeks after she was diagnosed and in combination which my DH's ex's crazy behavior it was the worst time of my life.
After my mom passed, his ex continued to call him to talk about things that were in no way related to the kids. I had reached my breaking point and told him this needed to stop which he agreed. So one lazy Sunday sitting on the couch together we get a call from non other than his ex just calling to chit chat. He tells her at that moment its inappropriate for her to keep calling. She snaps and starts screaming about how she will see him in court and she wants more money. The week after we get court paper work in the mail asking for just that MORE MONEY. Keep in mind, she is re-married, has had two more children, owns a boat, bought a brand new suburban, hasn't worked in ten years, just got back from two week vacay on the river. She is NOT hurting for money.
What has caused the most strain in my relationship with my DH and the children is what his ex SAID in this paperwork about me, DH's mom, and his step mom. She stated in legal documents that I have a history of abusing her children, that I would threaten them and keep them out side for long periods of time. I couldn't believe it. I was shellshocked. I have prided myself on being of good moral standing, I worked many years as a paramedic and now was in law enforcement. It is extremely important to me to have integrity. Since the Monday after my DH told her to stop calling him, the oldest child(who is not biologically my DH's) decided to stop coming to our home. Every was just fine before that so its clear that the ex has completely brain washed her kids. The younger child has remained neutral and still wants to come over which is 50% of the time.
I am having an extremely hard time. I feel like a prisoner in my own home, and I feel like I am always walking on eggshells. I do not want to say too much around this boy and get back to his mom so she can twist it and use it against me. So it turn I find myself secluding myself, which makes me more depressed. I literally dread the time when this boy is in my home. I am mourning the rather quick loss of my mother who was my world, and trying to process this new legal situation. My DH is very supportive. But I just don't feel like it is enough. Sometimes I feel like I made the wrong decision getting married. In turn I feel guilty for even feeling like this in the first place. Its one big circle of depression and anxiety.
I just want to know if anyone had encountered a situation like this and what they did to guard there mental health. I'm struggling.
Sadly, many of us have gone
Sadly, many of us have gone through this Jerry Springer show episode.
How old is the SS? If he's not falling prey to his mother's attempts to alienate him like his brother did, then he might not make any false allegations. But it sounds like BM could be a risk to your career, and that's something you have to take seriously.
BM in our case was Bat Sh!t Crazy too, but she never targeted me, thank god. If she did, I would have had to reconsider staying with DH. But she did a lot of harassing DH and finally was able to alienate my SS from DH entirely.
This is hard stuff. Make sure he's worth it.
SS is
So the oldest boy who isn't coming around anymore is 13, and the youngest who is is 12. I feel like they are about to hit that turning point where they arent going to want to hang around our house.
First, I am sorry that your
First, I am sorry that your mother died.
About Jerry Springer...would you fee better knowing your not alone? This is normal activity from some ex's.
Thank you for your
Thank you for your condolences.
Its strange to think that such "not normal" behavior could be the norm *sad*
My husbands ex is batshit crazy
her whole family are the same and create drama. They can’t stand to see others who are normal and happy and have to initiate “operation make life miserable”.
i’m lucky in some respects that bio mum dug her own shithole by inventing lies before even meeting or knowing me (she still hasn’t met me or knows me even after nearly 5 yrs being married to hubby), sd’s found out inconsistencies and she had a born again christian moment and is all changed...
so she’s scared shitless to make fake allegations so her drama now is hold off contact, demand that the sd’s can see their dad if i am there meaning i have to inconvenience my 2 toddlers.
so for me this is how i see it, bat shot crazy can stay bat shit crazy. I have nothing to do with her and there will be no moment or day that i will want to be around her
i do as i please in my own home. Even though bio mum made no abuse allegations, she did claim hubby sees witch drs to do black magic on her which was laughable.
if you will be miserable how about just going out from shopping/lunch or just chill out. I just go about my day, do housework and chill out with my 2 kids and watch cartoons or a movie etc.
you may want to consider a nanny cam for when she makes further allegations. If she is a narc then all this provoking it to drum up a reaction from you so try to stay out of it
Nanny cam would be a good
Nanny cam would be a good investment, that never came to mind before. Just some good CYA.
Black magic huh?...Never heard that one before LOL. Its comforting to know that Im not the only person dealing with someone being completely ridiculous. I think that fact that I dont have any children of my own feeds the isolation factor. Sometimes I wish I had someone else in my corner.
Yup her whole family see witch drs and do black magic
The most hilarious thing is these daughters of hubby are so brainwashed they couldn’t see through that lie. In the 23.5 yrs eldest sd has known hubby, she should know if hubby had a choice during free time to play golf or see a witch dr to do black magic against her mum, its golf every time.
i mean seriously what do you think the chances are of hubbies free time between 2 choices of “coming home to have sex with the wife” or “visit witch dr to do black magic against exwife”?? Yeah sex with the wife 100%
these narcs have such a massive ego that they cannot accept an ex moved on and enjoying someone rlde so they enjoy toying with their emotions and cause problems and drama or fake a need for help or illness
havinng kids i get to spend time with them but maybe plan an outing with a friend or cousin maybe and see that as de-stressing
me and hubby often do weekend getaways or when he is interstate for work me and our toddlers come along. Its 199% skid free. Hubby enjoys having us therr but not his eldest 3 kids
Oh girl, I feel you. I'm
Oh girl, I feel you. I'm sorry for the loss of your mom- aside from that (my mom left when I was young), I am in a very similar situation! BM here (I just call her Crazy- not that original, but super accurate) started making our lives hell right out of the gate, which is when I should have ran. I too was a Sheriff's Deputy! I left that career and moved out of state, where I worked in Corrections. During this time, Crazy accused me of hitting SD, which never, ever happened. She has told people in our town this and threatened to call the police. I had to have forewarn my superiors at work about the situation before they heard it from her. She would log onto FB as SS and post things about me, saying I had a house foreclosed on (nope), tell the skids I cheated on their dad (nope), that I used to be homeless and lived in my car (nope), used to do drugs and only passed my drug tests for work by drinking cranberry juice (definitely nope)....these kids were 9 and 12 at the time, and she is telling them about drinking cranberry juice to pass drug tests!! 3-1/2 years later, it's still happening. I just had to talk to CPS last week because she filed a false complaint and said we don't have food in our house. It's exhausting and it can really wear you down. I told CPS that I am not the kind of person to have CPS called on them, and it really bothers me that this is happening. Integrity is super important to me as well.
Does Mo'Money have contact with you or your DH now? The only thing that has helped me is making sure she has no contact with me, and really, really reminding myself that her opinion does not matter. I do the best when my SO doesn't tell me what she says. I would recommend telling your DH that it is too much right now- you need to be out of the loop when it comes to her, you just can't hear about her right now, and communication with her needs to be as limited as possible (we use the Our Family Wizard app, and just yesterday made stricter communication guidelines to limit the craziness she sends my SO). When I wasn't hearing about her, I felt like a weight was lifted.
Aside from that, dreading the time skids are in your home is fairly normal around here...my skids are even good, and I still dread it a lot of the time. It's always more complicated and more stressful when they are around. I try to be busy and not around as much. It definitely motivates me to go to the gym and for walks! I'm sure it's even worse when you're grieving. I'm not sure I have any advice for that. Hugs.
Wow our situations are VERY
Wow our situations are VERY VERY simliar. Right after we went and got the court papers in the mail my DH went and spoke with an attorney who said "well was there ever an open CPS investigation?" and no there never was. None of her or my SS's claims have ANY evidence to support them. I seriously cant imagine what you must be going through. What a ####### nightmare.
You must feel like you are in the Twilight Zone with CPS coming to your home. What a joke. I told my DH yesterday that I am just going to start distancing myself from this situation. And that includes spending time with his son. My skin crawls when he talks about his mother. I just dont think I can mentally take it right now. I feel like my tires are spinning trying to process everything. Im not getting anywhere.
Sadly too many in blended
Sadly too many in blended family relationships live a seemingly endless episode of Jerry Springer. Even more sad is that the toxic side of the blended family equation seem to relish in their status as toothless morons.
smh
Has your DH considered suing BM for fraud and to recover all of the CS his X extorted from him on the eldest ... with penalties and interest?
I would if I were him.
Stepping up and accepting a child as one's own is honorable. Being manipulated and lied to should result in the lying manipulative toothless moron POS parent suffering complete financial destruction. And I would be dedicated to making that happen if I were the intended victim. Destruction of the toxic thieving POS X may just save someone else from her thieving crook assed crap. And show the boys that even mommy is not immune from the consequences of toxic crap.
Trust me after she started
Trust me after she started slandering my name that was my first thought. I didnt understand how she could demand more money for a child that she tricked my DH into thinking was biologically his.
We spoke with an attorney and he said because my DH kept fathering him after finding out the truth that he has now "assumed responsibility" for him, and he has no case.
I keep telling myself that karma will come around and bite BM in the ass, but I fee like im the only one getting bit.
Take some time to grieve
Im so sorry for your loss!!!!! I love my mother, too, shes about 20 minutes away and sometimes I just buy her flowers just because.
Take some time away from all the drama - give yourself a break, post here as often as you need to - it really helped me relieve the burden I was carrying around. That burden can get mighty heavy, and you need to be strong to carry it around.
As to the "neutral SS" and how you feel around him. We had a similar issue with SD13, about a year ago. I call her munchkin, and she was getting upset when something I said triggered her, random things, and would run back to Toxic Troll BM and her sister Feral Forger SD20, and there would be a whole host of unfounded accusations of abuse. I was called horrible names and all that. DH has also been accused of abuse, and also had threats made against him of calling CPS. Talk about Jerry Springer-type real life drama! Toxic Troll is as trailer as they get.
I never harmed munchkin in any way, have always had a great relationship with her, but she gets triggered.
We had a nice long talk after about 3 different times. I told her that I couldnt take it anymore, and if it continued I would have to leave, its too much. She asked me to please stay. I told her if it keeps happening I would do what I had to do with her sister, and that was something called disengaging. She and I always have had long talks about things, including her sister. I described disengaging and she got it. All the drama from her stopped.
You are definitely not alone!
SD20 lives with Toxic Troll and they are like twin personalities. Narcissistic Personality Disordered. The never ending drama is such an energy suck, there are many times that I ask myself "do I stay?"
I stay because of Munchkin sd13 and DH. Tomorrow? Who knows, I get so tired of the situation - because even when its good, Toxic Troll is always there getting her Child support (4 years 9 months to go) and spousal support (8 months to go), Toxic Troll will always be the mother. Feral Forger SD20 will always be around. And they will always be Narcissists.
That's a shame
Your DH should only be responsible for child number 2. BM here is nutso too, having absolutely nothing to do with her keeps her in her box. If she so much as peeps from her box she gets slammed the eff back in. There's been so much crazy from her over the years I fireballed her one day and she hasn't uttered a syllable since.
I am very sorry about your mum. xx