DH finally going to tell BM about pantie stealing
I know you are all sick of hearing about the panties...
But it happened again and NOW FINALLY DH is willing to tell BM about it.
I only have 2 strapless bras. This morning I opened up my bra drawer and only saw one.
I'm at home today and the skids were at their grandparents.
I tore SS16 room apart and found his baseball bag FULL of bras and panties.
So I called DH and told him I was going to pick up SS16 (from grandparents) and make him clean out his entire room of everything. DH agreed.
(Remember SS16 is STILL UNDER PUNISHMENT FROM LAST TIME-grounded from everything)
So fastforward to SS cleaning out his room.
SS has a bag to fill with trash BUT HE WALKS SOMETHING OUT OF HIS ROOM TO THE DUMPSTER OUTSIDE.
So I follow.
This shit is really embarrassing and really gross. SS had my Ben Wa Balls, a pocket vibrator of mine, and two of my pantie liners that he was trying to throw away the evidence of.
So I got even more angry and told him everything but clothes was coming out of his room and brought his totes.
After he said everything but clothes was out.
I asked, "Is there anything else hidden in your room?"
He said, "no"
I walked over to his drawer and opened it and he then said, "Well I don't know if anyhting else is hidden in my room."
So WTF????? I pulled out the drawer and dumped it on the ground.
TWO MORE PAIRS! So I walked over to his closet and said, "Everything needs to be hung up. No more hiding shit." I pulled clothes along the rail (from the back forward) AND TWO MORE THONGS WERE ON A HANGER!!
I FUCKING lost it and threw all his clothes on his bed from the closet.
(I'm sure I was freaking the shit out of him.)
I then went to his bed and picked up shorts and counted, "one two three four five six seven. That is all the shorts that can stay in your room." And I did the same from shirts, boxers, and socks. I then told him everything else has to be taken downstairs to the basement. So he brought it all downstairs.
There is now NOTHING in his room.
He has an alarm clock, 7 sets of clothes, 2 pairs of shoes, 1 belt, and 10 books.
He is confined to his room.
I noticed one hour ago that he had been in the bathroom for 20 minutes...
During this time, DH called his mom and dad(MIL and FIL) to tell them FINALLY that SS was caught stealing AND WHAT HE STOLE)
FIL said he wanted to talk to SS and FIL just came and picked him up.
So as soon as SS got out of the bathroom and left with FIL, I checked the bathroom.
Another whole grocery bag full of bras and panties INCLUDING a nightie of mine was hidden in SS side of the cabinet!
I called DH again (who is still at work).
This is the final revelation of DH!!!!
NOW FINALLY
After three times JUST THIS SUMMER of stealing bras, panties thongs, DH is FINALLY going to tell BM!!!!
DH ALSO FINALLY AGREED that SS sisters, 14 and 18 had a right to know WHAT SS was stealing!!!
Oh My Fucking God!!!!!! 3rd time stealing bras and panties.
FOUR TIMES RE-HIDING them just today so he COULD KEEP THEM AFTER HE GOT CAUGHT!!!!!
NOW FINALLY DH is willing to tell people who need to know!!!!
Except DH is worried HOW to tell BM.
Can I get a : Jesus Christ????!!!!
It's easy:
BM,
SS16 was caught stealing bras and panties three times this summer. Some were identified as belonging to Grandma, Aunt Blank, SD18, SD14, and Amiwicked, others are unknown. His hiding places here were: under the bed, under folded clothes in his drawers, hung up between shirts in the closet, inside duffle bags, in his bathroom cabinet. He also tried to throw some items away after being caught. SS was already grounded from being caught stealing when he was caught the 3rd time, so his punishment has been increased to everything being taken out of his room except 7 sets of clothes and room confinement with a dozen books.
DH
I'd want to castrate him. At
I'd want to castrate him. At least verbally, but I'd prefer physically. You know what he was doing with your private possessions.
It's okay to have a sex drive, etc. It is NOT okay to steal other people's possessions to jerk off in. He'd probably think it was okay to ignore a girl/boy (depending on his preference) saying "no" - but hopefully no girl/boy will get within 100 yards of him.
DSO told YSS one time that we
DSO told YSS one time that we were low on toilet paper and to use his effing hand if he couldn't go without doing it for 24 hours.
I know I put a link up before
I know I put a link up before about Colonel Russell Williams. He was the guy who murdered two women, committed many break ins and sexual assaults but started out stealing panties.
This is a new spin. If SS ever escalates anyone who knew about his problems but did nothing could be charged or sued. I'm not sure what if anything came from this (the article is dated 2014).
http://www.macleans.ca/news/canada/russell-williamss-wife-knew-he-was-a-...
I'd be afraid that SS is going to do something much much worse than stealing from those around him.
He has a serious problem and it's not going to get better by simply grounding him or taking away his possessions.
My OSS did this and now
My OSS did this and now YSS16.5 does it. I was away one weekend and when I got back, he had 5 pairs of panties in his tote in the spare bedroom.
They weren't mine or SDs. They belonged to BM and OSS GF. How gross to take your Mothers panties. I told DSO and he told BM. BM said to send them back. I'm not touching the gross things.
I just left them in the tote so he isn't sneaking around taking mine or SDs.
Ew. Ew. What did I just read.
Ew. Ew. What did I just read. Ew. I need eye bleach.
I believe DH is feeling shame
I believe DH is feeling shame FOR his son.
Telling BM would mean talking about his son's actions and we all know what SS is doing with these things.... DH just doesn't want to "talk sex stuff" with BM.
DH is going to be really
DH is going to be really ashamed when the breaking news story about the local underwear thief features his son.
Yeah, no kidding
Yeah, no kidding
Is DH going to enable ss
Is DH going to enable ss further by getting rid of the bodies ss starts hiding under his bed? Telling his mother, whose underwear he also stole (Oedipus, Freudian, grossest of the gross) is just a start. This kid is demonstrating deviant behavior that needs to be seriously addressed! Counseling. Hopefully BM will take action on this situation.
Oh there is something very
Oh there is something very wrong with this kid. I get teenage boys are hormonal horny creatures ...BUT why the need for sooo many pairs of panties/bras etc ? He doesn't need that many for his dirty purposes . What is he doing with them all? Kid need counseling ASAP!
If this was my SS and he stole my vibrator/other toys/panties he would NEVER be allowed in my house again. It be my hill to die on and I'd get divorced if need be. This kid has literally gone through every square inch of everyone's bedrooms and been all up in their private things. He is sick and needs help and there is no way in hell I'd ever feel comfortable around him again. How can the OP not look at him and get a vision of him sniffing her vibrator and panties...yuk!...makes my skin crawl. The OPs DH has failed miserably in protecting his wife and daughters from this deviant. Also Daddy should of been the one going through the kids room. Daddy also needs to make the kid pay for everything he stole.. because ewwww....no one will want to wear any of those items again.
:sick:
The idea that DH is FINALLY
The idea that DH is FINALLY telling BM isn't the pinnacle. I was exhausted in the fact that it has taken THIS MUCH AND THIS MANY TIMES for DH to realize that he needs to tell the people affected... grandma now finally knows, SIL finally knows, etc... . He now knows BM shold be told. YET STILL he struggles with how to tell BM...
And the main topic wasn't DH and my relationship, but since you brought it up, the first time it happened, I stayed at a hotel for a week. Until He got the kid to a counselor. The second time I left for about a month. DH said SS was doing so much better so I came back to see...just came back when this happened. Just today, the third time happened. I waited until DH got home (two hours ago) to talk to him.
I'm at a hotel now.
Holy hell, this last time I
Holy hell,
this last time I found a pair of my cut off jeans (my favorite), a pair of bright orange iridescent short shorts for running, and a spandex tank with built in bra for working out...
We had assumed he was jerking off in them because of his age (and the Cum I have found in the bathroom)
It crossed my mind he might have been wearing them,...
I kept bringing DH back to privacy invasion and theft. Not necessarily what SS is doing with everything.(I really don't care about whatever he is doing WITH them) it is his compulsion to seek and steal that bothers me.
Duplicate
Duplicate
I would agree with you in
I would agree with you in that DH should be handling it.
DH's mindset was that FIL and SS are close and SS might tell FIL something he wouldn't tell DH or I.
And it did backfire, DH said last night FIL said we shouldn't take everything away from him. (Example he should still keep playing baseball) because SS needs it.
I Had a WTF moment with DH.
SS NEEDS BASEBALL???
NO HE FUCKING DOESN'T.
DH also repeated FILA statement that "FIL didn't share everything with MIL because some things are just for men."
AND ANOTHER WTF MOMENT
Excuse me? My Bras and panties and vibratory were just for me and that didn't stop SS, so why the he'll does dealing with this equate to 'just for men' SS already decided female involvement was going to be in this.
Now there's an idea, send the
Now there's an idea, send the little b@$tard to Japan! }:) You can also buy used undies from GoodWill, but buying used undies from a vending machine or thrift store is quite different from STEALING them from your mom, SM, grandmother and neighbors. :sick:
^^^^^THIS! ...
^^^^^THIS! ... 110%!!!!!
Knowing it is wrong and doing it anyway is a sign of a serious compulsion or addiction. Where the hell is the so-called "therapist" on all this? I think you said he was sent to one.
IMO, he may need to be put into a residential program for awhile to see if he can get his head straightened out.
He did go, once, to a
He did go, once, to a counselor.
The counselor probably told him things he didn't want to hear because he wouldn't go back. DH didn't push SS then But DH is, again, FINALLY realizing SS needs to go even if he doesn't want to.
SS needs more than a one time
SS needs more than a one time visit with a "counselor" - he needs to be assessed by a licensed psychotherapist/psychologist. Make sure your DH understands the difference. He needs to stop putting a band-aid on a sucking chest wound and get this kid help - stat.
Yup, two more years and he'll
Yup, two more years and he'll be on the sex offender list FOREVER for his crime. Imagine him trying to get a job with a rap sheet for panty stealing. Nope, he'll be living at home until DH dies.
This poor child needs
This poor child needs therapy. Quick! I think your reaction could escalate things. I'm not saying you are wrong. I'm saying you may be punishing behavior he cannot control. He may have a mental illness.
Obsessive Compulsive
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Kleptomania, Antisocial Personality Disorder
SS has gone to two more
SS has gone to two more (after the single one a while ago) counseling sessions.
DH and I were in the first session with SS and the counselor. We told the counselor everything. After the second session the counselor thinks 1)DH is not spending enough one on one time with SS 2) SS doesn'the know what's going on with his body, sex, master bastion, etc and needs to ask DH. 3) SS is experiencing some kind of abuse at BMS (emotional mental) but SS isn't ready to open up about it yet. 4)counselor thinks SS is just being a growing boy struggling with the divorce of his parents body issues and social pressure. 5)thinks I should move back in to have more stability for SKIDS 6)thinks SOME OF SS punishments should be eased up at the start of the school year (tomorrow) for a fresh start.
SS still doesn't want to go, DH put on big boy pants and is making him.
DH "SAID" the counselor told HIM BM doesn't need to be told and it will cause more harm than good.
Soooo.... she doesn't know. His sisters know...and BM WILL find out but DH said he will cross that bridge later.
I'm still at a hotel.
Ummmm really ? I think you
Ummmm really ? I think you need to find a new counselor. In my opinion...that is all pretty much terrible advice. Seems like he is just saying your SS is confused COD who needs more time with his Dad and so don't be too harsh with the punishments. WTF ever . The only one that might be credible advice is the one questioning if he is being abused at BMs or somewhere else. Your SS has serious issues and you should stay far away from him. BM should be told that SS is a panty and sex toy stealing deviant . This is a serious and creepy issue.
I've asked DH for counseling.
I've asked DH for counseling. He said he would go but we have not scheduled anything.
BM will find out. Skids will go there this weekend (first time since it happened, the last time) and the girls will tell her.
I warned DH it will be much worse hearing it from the girls than from him...but his choice...
I get why the counselor said stability...she is thinking an intact family I assume...(I made sure the counselor DH picked was from a divorced family)
I've told him so many times
I've told him so many times it will be better for the kids, and better overall, if he is the one to tell BM. However I think he still harbors the passive avoidance he did when he was married.
BM is a nut job and flies off the handle. He is probably crossing every finger and pinky toe that BM won't find out and it will all be rainbows and butterflies.
DH really never learns.
the counselor is giving
the counselor is giving advice that is best for the "family," stability for the skids and so on. Is this a "faith based" counselor? Just wondering, because when exH and I were having issues w/infidelity and DV we had a faith based counselor who basically said that I need to suck it all up, forgive exH for everything, be a supportive mother and wife. I was supposed to have a clean house and peaceful environment ready for exH when he comes home. Note that I had the responsibility of a toddler and a newborn at the time and now I had to baby exH so he wouldn't cheat and smack me around. Your counselors advice sucks and only places you back in position of doormat. I do agree that DH needs to be a father to ss and ss needs some serious sex ed plus lessons on boundaries.
You need your own counselor, a completely neutral one, that has your back and will advise you to do what is best for you. DH does not have your back, he's too busy protecting his image of perfect father w/the perfect american pie baseball playing son. He doesn't care about what affect this is having on you or any of the other women in ss's life. Did I just read that he has sisters?!!! Some sick incestual sh*t is gonna happen unless there is serious action taken.
It isn't a faith based
It isn't a faith based counselor. I went to the same firm (different counselor) years ago when I was struggling living alone after my divorce and it was really supportive.
There are two sisters two years older and two years younger. The counselor gave the "ok" that SS realizes the boundaries there and the stuff he took of their's "he honestly thought where MINE" Older SD18, I could understand,...we have the same bra size and she is a size 16 when I am a 12, so maybe...the other stuff from younger SD, grandma and aunt24? Not a chance, not even in the same house or anywhere close to size. Aunt is a size 4/6, SD14 is a size 2/4, and grandma is a size 22 or bigger. so cannot have thought where mine.
Based on the 6 pieces of
Based on the 6 pieces of "advice" you list above, I'd say that your DH is making that advice up. Read it ... it looks like your DH's own personal translation and is in line with him trying to bury his head in the sand.
No professional would say that the BM does not need to know about this. Sounds like a bunch of BS your DH is throwing at you.
If a counselor truly told him all that, then I agree with others that this counselor is incompetent.
And I reiterate what I said
And I reiterate what I said previously:
This kid needs more than a "counselor"-- he needs to see a licensed psychiatrist/psychologist.
You know looking at this from
You know looking at this from a BM point of view, I would want to know. I would be very angry with exH and my kid. I would want to be part of the counceling and know the councellor.
I don't know what your BM is like, maybe she's nuts and would deny everything?
Yeah, if my son was stealing
Yeah, if my son was stealing my bras and panties I would want to know. There is no way in hell that it would go on for long. All the unmentionables would be behind my padlocked bedroom door and my kid would be off to military school!
Unreal how DH has allowed this to fester. He's just as much to blame as skid is.
I agree with 99.99% of
I agree with 99.99% of comments said...
I "visited" yesterday at the house to do my laundry.
DH wasn't home.
I took the opportunity to educate.
I have beven thinking about ways to get through to SS16 and I think this hit home.
It went something like this:
"SS do you know what an STD is?
Did you know people can have STDS without showing symptoms?
Did you know there is no way to know someone has an STD by looking at their face?
Did you know STDS can transfer in bodily fluids even if there is no direct contact?
I hope everyone you took panties from was negative."
SS16 very rudely asked me if I had an STD.
"You have no idea if I have an STD and that is my point."
SS smiled and cockily rolled his eyes.
I was so pissed off that I probably went overboard.
My response was:
"Cold sores on someone's mouth is herpes type 1 and I know aunt and uncle get them. If any time in their past one did oral sex on the other, they both could have herpes on their genitals! If you then took aunts dirty panties and held them up to your face or put the panties on your dick, then I know for a fact, you have herpes! Why don't you ask your dad to take you to get tested! That would be a interesting doctors office visit when the doctor asksaid your sexual history and you've never had sex and you have to say no but I take women's dirty panties, touch them, then touch myself!"
SS16 was shocked and scared.
(It's something like 70% of the population that tests positive for type 1, most get it from sharing drinks with their parents when they are kids)
So SS16 probably does have it.
But at least that put another layer to his thinking...even if I did say my SIL has an STD and that will most definitely get back to me in a negative way.
And hell maybe it will scare him enough to stop taking panties.
He sounds like he needs
He sounds like he needs sexual addiction counseling and maybe is even possibly wearing them.
This is the type of deviant
This is the type of deviant behavior that is heard from serial rapists. Get him therapy.